Grand High Poobah of Upper Butt-Crack

About Me

First things first: See my relationship status? It means I'm not interested in you. I'm not a complete bitch so it's cool if you're local and you want to be my "friend". I go to bars and drink with friends... if you're not old enough to get in I probably don't want to talk to you. I do NOT want to chat with boys barely past puberty who think they're God's gift to women. I'm pushing 30 and I have a child... what do you think you could do for me? I don't want you. If your profile picture is you with your shirt off and you ask me to chat? Riiight... Read what's on a profile once in a while... twit.
I'm a proud mama of a beautiful toehead boy
I don't really have time (or energy) to do much any more since I became a mom, but if the parents are willing to watch my boy once in a while I have no problems fitting back into my old routine
Naps rule!!
Goldfish crackers are cool
I love beef jerky
Ooh! And Cheetos. If you give me Cheetos I'll do naughty things to you
I must only eat Cheetos one at a time... it's a sin if you don't. Seriously.
I like to cook, but LIKING to cook and being GOOD at it are two different things
I don't care what any other girl says - we DO in fact poop. We can clog a toilet with the best of them, but we have this strange ability to correct the problem before anyone finds out
Titty bars are nice, there should be one on every corner
Tattoos rock, but none of that "I have a lady bug the size of a dime on my ankle" shit, I'm talkin' sleeves, back pieces... you know, the real stuff
Piercings are cool too
I absolutely love talking about confrontation and what I'll do if "this" happens, but when it comes down to it I'm a pussy
Chinese food is the best, I'd eat it for every meal if my tummy would allow me to
I have been recently called the weirdest family member
I belch out loud - I have manners, I only do it at home, bars and family functions - and mostly forget to say excuse me
I have tattoos and piercings
I have never fit the norm
I'm shy if you don't know me, but I'm a pest once you do
I'm a spaz
I'm sarcastic
I'll do it if you tell me not to. (i'm a little better now that I have a kid, i've got more than myself to think about)
I bitch all the time - ask the people I work with - but it's all legitimate bitching, if there is such a thing
I wipe my hands on my pants, and save the napkin for my nose
I cuss a LOT
I get loud when I have too much fun
I drink too much even tho I know my limit
I think farts are funny and I get jealous when people can fart out loud. I shart when I try that...
I forget jokes in the middle of telling them
My underwear hardly ever matches, and if it does, chances are it was an accident
I say a lot of stupid stuff
I embarass myself repeatedly
I pick my nose
I don't care if someone was watching when I picked my butt
I learn from my mistakes, it's just that some mistakes are worth repeating
Regardless of how much I love my mother, I don't care what she thinks either
I enjoy touching people in inappropriate places
I love laughing
I love stupid jokes
I laugh when I get embarassed
I like dirty jokes, sick jokes - if somebody thinks it's funny, there's a good chance I will to
I have a sick sense of humor *** Do NOT get me going about placenta-pops!
I'll laugh so hard boogers come out my nose, and I'll wipe them away with whatever happens to be handy without missing a beat
*** HOWEVER - I can curl my hair, put on the makeup, heals, skirt, lacey bra and matching undies and play the part if called to do so
I LOVE to kiss - kissing is my favoritest. 'Specially when you have soft lips - soft lips are my favoritest too..... I'm a kiss whore.
More Pics @ MyspaceComedy.com
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My Interests

These are some of the things that make me smile:
My son.
Stephen King.
Scary movies.
Alcohol.
Playing pool.
Dancing (if I'm drunk enough).
Titty bars.
Goth is hot.
Black hair.
Pale skin.
Surface piercings.
Playing piano.
My Playstation.
My GameCube.
Silent Hill.
Jak and Daxter.
Ratchet and Clank.
Tak 2 The Staff of Dreams.
Cheese.
Children.
Asian eyes.
Tongue piercings.
Tattoos.
Junk.
Paper.
Pens.
Cats.
Soft carpet.
Fuzzy things.
Smelling fresh cut grass.
Sleeping babies.
Laughter.
Hugs.
Kissing.
Antique cars.
Learning to play guitar.
Black fingernail polish.
Fishnets.
The smell of old books.
Libraries.
Coffee.
Stuffed animals.
Dreaming.
Wet dreams.
Trying to write left-handed.
White noise.
Staying awake so long only one eye will stay open.
Bracelets.
Ugly knee-high socks.
Gnarly tree limbs.
Dead trees.
The country.
Watching wild animals.
Sunsets.
Sleeping.
Playboy.
My computer.
My friends.
People watching.
Tattoo magazines.
Farts.
Cheetos.
Pillows.
Falling asleep in weird places.
Falling asleep in wierd positions.
Driving.
Loud music.
Weeble-Wobbles.
Playing with baby toys.
Swinging.
Grown men on scooters.
Butt cracks.
Pretty underwear.
Nice boobs.
Pretty eyes.
Candles.
The smell of deisel fuel.
The smell of exhaust.
Stars.
The moon.
Planets.
Watching squirrels bury nuts.
Watching small critters do stuff.
Converse shoes.
Platform shoes.
High healed boots.
Otters.
Skunks.
Purring.
The smell of clean clothes.
Towels still warm from the dryer.
Taking pictures.
Tasteful nude art.
Raunchy nude art.
Suspension.
Porn stores.
Watching snow fall.
Warm rain.
When it rains and the sun is out.
Music.
Poetry.
Detective stories.
Cartoons.
Meeting new people.
The smell of bars.
Wearing that special someone's t-shirt to bed.
Waking up to that special someone kissing your forehead.
Watching girls kiss.
Downloading porn.
Watching porn just because.
Falling leaves.
Getting back in touch with old friends and realizing some never grew up.
Motorcycles.
Hot biker dudes.
That stuff that makes ceilings look like cottage cheese.
Cottage cheese.
Fresh paint.
Worms.
Caterpillars.
Butterflies.
Dragonflies.
Bugs that don't bite.
Stuff with fringe.
Crooked teeth.
Pepsi.
Root beer.
Real beer.
Old baggy t-shirts.
Pregnant women.
What you smell the first time you turn the furnace on.
Mexican food.
Sushi.
Calling a wrong number and talking to them for an hour.
Eavesdropping.
Rolling down hills.
Running down hills.
Falling down hills.
Picking scabs.
Friday.
Bubble baths.
Blowing bubbles.
Acoustic guitar.
Classical piano.
Cinnamon.
Pink.
My son's VIVID imagination.
Having a full tummy.
3am.
Bumper stickers that have print so small you can't read them.
Drawing.
Writing.
Shiny things.
Random smiles.
Proper use of the English language.
Fat people in tiny cars.
Making new friends.
Learning "how-to" stuff on the internet.
Watching the wind blow grass or wheat around.
Typos.
Finishing things.
Lunchables that come with the juice and snack.
Powdered donuts.
Flashy business cards.
Watching leaves swirl in the wind.
Random phone calls from long-distance friends.
Receipts on tiny pieces of paper.
Rice Krispies.
2am drunken phone calls from out-of-town friends.
Realizing that having to struggle for something you want makes it that much better once you get it.

I'd like to meet:

I want to meet this cat. This cat is my hero. I love this cat.
Get this video and more at MySpace.comHmmmm.... I'd like to meet Janis Joplin, John Lennon, Stephen King, Frank Sinatra, Jim Croce, my great-grandpa Needham and anyone who will let me touch them in inappropriate places! Any takers???

Music:

First I've got to mention some of the local guys:

TAINTED

Six Stigma

Black Gasoline

BYH

10 Sugar Charlie

4 King Stud

Split Lip Rayfield

Mesa Falls to Mephisto

Continent of Ash

The Sprawl

Blood in the Wire

Hollow Inside

The Swipes

Alien8

Twelve Shades of Grey

Then there's the obvious ones: Green Day, Three Days Grace, Rob Zombie, kiddie CD's for my boy, Fall Out Boy, 311, Alison Kraus, Kenny Chesney, Janis Joplin, some Garth tho I believe he sold out a long time ago, Flyleaf, Metallica, dance/techno, Phantom, Megadeth, Maroon 5, NIN, System, Queen, Queen's of the Stone Age, Korn, 3 Doors Down, Chevelle, Pearl Jam, movie soundtracks, Evanescence, Breaking Benjamin, David Gray, Sarah McLachlan, Scissor Sisters, Spiderbait, Static-X, Saliva, Macy Gray, Marilyn Manson, Our Lady Peace, Stone Temple Pilots, Ben Folds Five, Bush, Disturbed, Filter, Godsmack, Kasey Chambers, Linkin Park, Puddle of Mudd, Blue October, Cake, the Gorillaz, Janes Addiction, Josh Groban, Live, Pan-fucking-tera, Radiohead, Saliva, Seven Mary Three, Staind, The Used, Panic at the Disco, Alice in Chains, Jack Johnson, Tenacious D, Hank III, SlipKnot, Mudvayne, Pink and more. I have a tendancy to listen to one CD or one song for loooong periods of time before I listen to another one. I fear change.

Movies:

Scary movies. Anything with Vin Diesel and Hugh Jackman in them. I don't think Vin can act, but dammit he's hot!! Alfie was a good movie, but only because Jude Law was extreeeeemely fuckable in it. I liked the movie The Life of David Gale - fucked up, but I really liked it. Just recently saw Final Cut - interesting concept, I recommend it. I started to watch Darkness but had to stop 'cause it was too scary. Um... Fern Gully, Labrynth, The Piano, Iron Giant, Lilo and Stitch, Harry and the Hendersons, City of Angels. More later.

Television:

South Park, Family Guy, American Dad, Law and Order, CSI (all of them), anything on Animal Planet or Court TV. Basically anything that involves detectives, law, cops, animals or cartoons... I used to LOVE Saturday morning cartoons with Bugs, Daffy, Porky.... aahhh, the memories!!

Books:

Stephen King - no question. I've had an obsession with his writing longer than I've known any man - so I guess that means it's the longest relationship I've ever had. I like the DragonLance series too, but I haven't read any in a long time. Anything fiction. Why read about things that could really happen? I love my imagination too much to not use it every chance I get. Just about anything fantasy.

Heroes:

My daddy. My son. Anyone who's ever been in or is currently in the military, especially those who aren't on American soil right now. Women who fought breast cancer and survived to tell their story. Any mother who's ever held a sick child in her arms and cried with them. People who have fought an addiction and won.

My Blog

I miss...

my trampoline... That is all.
Posted by Grand High Poobah of Upper Butt-Crack on Wed, 07 Feb 2007 08:49:00 PST

See what made America great

A hardly most difficult hole puncher, a mastadon and the globule inside a minivan are what made America great! Some tuba player of a fairy recognizes a cough syrup defined by a parking lot, but a...
Posted by Grand High Poobah of Upper Butt-Crack on Sat, 14 Oct 2006 09:12:00 PST

The knife and the light socket...

So I get a call from Pudge on Tuesday saying he's about to leave work and kill our son. Okay, what'd he do? I figure as long as there's a legit reason, I'm game. I'll just show the pictures and let ya...
Posted by Grand High Poobah of Upper Butt-Crack on Thu, 31 Aug 2006 10:40:00 PST

What's with the bulletin shit?

Why can't I post my bulletin? Why does it have a message that says they're taking bulletins offline? For how long? Is this another one of those myspace "updates" that will take 3 months or are they go...
Posted by Grand High Poobah of Upper Butt-Crack on Wed, 16 Aug 2006 10:13:00 PST

TRAMP

-oline!!! Yea. We got one. Who's up for drunken-naked-trampoline-jumping? We could all get drunk and then jump around on it!! And THEN we'd have drunken-naked-ambulance-riding!! How fun is that?!...
Posted by Grand High Poobah of Upper Butt-Crack on Sun, 13 Aug 2006 09:08:00 PST

Excerpt from my father...

This is an excerpt from an email my father sent me. He could not have expressed this any better. He is a good man, a brave man, an honest man... and he's one of my heroes. I love the guy to death... "...
Posted by Grand High Poobah of Upper Butt-Crack on Thu, 27 Jul 2006 08:48:00 PST

Your future, milk-tested

He stretched his wings and turned to face the wind. "But you, Jon,"In the very back of the garage, near the canisters, I could see something"...thousands and thousands of gulls. I know." Sullivan shoo...
Posted by Grand High Poobah of Upper Butt-Crack on Thu, 27 Jul 2006 08:38:00 PST

I didn't post it... where'd it come from???

I just deleted two blogs that I never posted. Some weird thing that posted itself twice. A movie clip? I dunno what the fuck it was... BUT I DIDN'T DO IT! That's creepy.........
Posted by Grand High Poobah of Upper Butt-Crack on Sat, 22 Jul 2006 10:07:00 PST

Aries Horoscope.

Daily Horoscope Quickie:Finish what you started now. Time could be running out, and you need to get going. Overview...
Posted by Grand High Poobah of Upper Butt-Crack on Sun, 02 Jul 2006 09:22:00 PST

Pornolize it!!!

You have to go to http://www.pornolize.com/ and type in my link thingy. I can't type cause I'm laughing so hard! I think you can type in http://www.pornolize.com/pornolize4?lang=en&...
Posted by Grand High Poobah of Upper Butt-Crack on Tue, 27 Jun 2006 09:40:00 PST