Those who know me, know me and my history. But I'll indulge you...
I was born in Dublin, Ireland, and moved to Georgia after my father was run out of town. He left without his dignity, but he managed to squirrel away a sizeable fortune - in a place that did further damage to his dignity.
Immediately upon reaching Georgia, the state that so reminded him of the Emerald Isle, my father bought a sprawling estate near the town of Waldashapawpaw, Georgia. I was enrolled in the Waldashapawpaw School For Snotty Little Rich Kids where I met my best friend and sometime lover, Mildred Waldo. We began a lifelong partnership characterized by chemicals, laughter, and a penchant for indulging in the misfortune of others.
Since my father's death from complications with hemmorhoids, I live a priviledged life here in Waldashapawpaw. My relatively decadent days are spent in the halls of my castle, O'Reilleyrook. I drink, smoke, and read, while overseeing my pumpkin farm which supplements my income somehow (I haven't quite figured it out). I take pleasure in terrorizing the great unwashed multitlude who tend to my pumpkins and, frankly, worship me as a living god.
My evenings are spent at black tie events with Granny Waldo, as well as our cadre: Granny Ashes, Sister Kelvin, and Sunda B. Linda. We are part, if not parcel, of the Waldashapawpaw upper crust. To know us is to know no bounds, and to spend time with us is to see into the heart of the great fantasy that is your American Dream. Sister Kelvin's antics have shamed Paris Hilton, and Nicole Richie drove herself to a rehab clinic after spending only thirty minutes with Ashes.
At night, I go home and write out our adventures, which never cease to amaze me when I'm coherent enough the next day to read them.
Welcome to my neck of the world wide web. Now, please, go get me another drink - or do I pay you people to stand around and read?
Wait. Who taught you to read in the first place?
