Malleable Turd profile picture

Malleable Turd

Why would you break my legs? I use those all the time! Couldn't you just bash my head in?

About Me

Married with 2 kids. Cameron, 4, Devon 2. Living the dream of being unemployed.
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My Interests

Being a father, music, books, movies, sports

I'd like to meet:

Trey Parker, Matt Stone, George Carlin, Lewis Black, Count Chocula, Dan Brown, Mark Danielewski, Harold Ramis, and Bill Murray.

Music:

I can basically stomach any type of music expect for 2 of the 3 C's. Country and Christian irritate me to no extent.

Movies:

Top 5 in no particular order: Snatch, The Usual Suspects, Pulp Fiction, Blazing Saddles, and South Park Bigger, Longer, and Uncut.

Television:

The Simpsons, South Park, Chappelle Show, The Office, and Law & Order.

Books:

Mark Danielewski: House of Leaves. Lewis Black: Nothing's Sacred. George Carlin: When will Jesus bring the Pork Chops? Dan Brown: Angels and Demons/The Da Vinci Code. Anything by Douglas Adams and Dave Barry.

Heroes:

First would be my mother. She's tolerated me for this long, you gotta give her credit for that. Steve Kerr, a skinny, non-athletic, white boy hitting the series clinching shot against the Jazz, gave all of us non-athletic white boys hope that we too could be just another person on the court with Michael Jordan. There's others.

My Blog

The Steven Seagal Energy Drink

Before I speak of the "incident" regarding the energy drink, I would like to make a recommendation, or a disclaimer, about it.  First, going completely off the subject, if you haven't seen it yet...
Posted by Malleable Turd on Tue, 23 Jan 2007 03:27:00 PST

If you choke a smurf, what color does he turn?

I asked that question the other day, and my 4 y/o son, Cameron, answered it.  He looked me square in the eye and said, "Orange!"  Now, it made me laugh.  I replied, "I don't think so bu...
Posted by Malleable Turd on Fri, 17 Nov 2006 11:29:00 PST

The best things happened today

First, my kids slept until 10 am, meaning for the first time in 3 months, I got more than a full nights sleep.  Next, my DD214 finally arrived.  Yeah, I'm officially discharged from the mili...
Posted by Malleable Turd on Wed, 11 Oct 2006 11:06:00 PST

Wonder where these people went

I was digging through my CD's looking for any CD other than the 200 I have in my car.  I came across quite a few where the bands no longer exist.  Example:  Gravity Kills.  There f...
Posted by Malleable Turd on Tue, 19 Sep 2006 01:02:00 PST

Favorite Simpsons Quote

I recently bought Season 8 of the Simpsons.  It's the episode where Homer thinks Bart is gay and he takes him hunting to "fix" his problem and make him a man.  There comes a point in the epi...
Posted by Malleable Turd on Wed, 23 Aug 2006 06:20:00 PST

Jobs I'd love to have or do

Since I've left the military, all I've done is work on my house or help my stepdad out.  Neither one of these have been fun.  For instance, today, we cut down a tree.  It's 104F, and wh...
Posted by Malleable Turd on Thu, 10 Aug 2006 12:54:00 PST

Some funny brushes with death

I was sitting with my good friend Justin and we were talking about some of the things we used to do.  I started thinking about other instances that I thought were funny.  For example, one da...
Posted by Malleable Turd on Sat, 05 Aug 2006 02:40:00 PST

More things I could do without

Stupidity - Someone recently hit my car in a parking lot.  She made an illegal turn, hit my bumper and did some damage.  The illegal turn was a count of stupidity.  And the list goes on...
Posted by Malleable Turd on Fri, 02 Jun 2006 02:05:00 PST

Things I could do without

I was watching the Carlos Mencia stand up special on Comedy Central the other night, and on every commercial break, they showed the same thing.  "Girls Gone Wild!", or "Daddy never paid much atte...
Posted by Malleable Turd on Mon, 22 May 2006 07:00:00 PST

Me and the Camper Shell

The picture from Chip with the caption happy memories made me laugh.  Back in Alaska, we had this wicked strong wind storm.  I mean ricockulously strong.  The winds snapped telephone po...
Posted by Malleable Turd on Sat, 20 May 2006 08:44:00 PST