Bitches, blunts, 40's, burritos, and peace
"Everything has a purpose on this earth, and all things
fulfill their purpose - seaweed, dung beetles, parasites -
without agonizing or questioning. We are the only part of
creation that is blinded by desires and thus ignore our
particular purpose, individually and collectively, and spend our lives in mad pursuit of nothingness"
-Gottfried Llewelyn-Jones
You know you're a Christian when...
10 - You vigorously deny the existence of thousands of gods claimed by other religions, but feel outraged when someone denies the existence of yours.
9 - You feel insulted and "dehumanized" when scientists say that people evolved from other life forms, but you have no problem with the Biblical claim that we were created from dirt.
8 - You laugh at polytheists, but you have no problem believing in a Triune God.
7 - Your face turns purple when you hear of the "atrocities" attributed to Allah, but you don't even flinch when hearing about how God/Jehovah slaughtered all the babies of Egypt in "Exodus" and ordered the elimination of entire ethnic groups in "Joshua" including women, children, and trees!
6 - You laugh at Hindu beliefs that deify humans, and Greek claims about gods sleeping with women, but you have no problem believing that the Holy Spirit impregnated Mary, who then gave birth to a man-god who got killed, came back to life and then ascended into the sky.
5 - You are willing to spend your life looking for little loopholes in the scientifically established age of Earth (few billion years), but you find nothing wrong with believing dates recorded by Bronze Age tribesmen sitting in their tents and guessing that Earth is a few generations old.
4 - You believe that the entire population of this planet with the exception of those who share your beliefs -- though excluding those in all rival sects - will spend Eternity in an infinite Hell of Suffering. And yet consider your religion the most "tolerant" and "loving."
3 - While modern science, history, geology, biology, and physics have failed to convince you otherwise, some idiot rolling around on the floor speaking in "tongues" may be all the evidence you need to "prove" Christianity.
2 - You define 0.01% as a "high success rate" when it comes to answered prayers. You consider that to be evidence that prayer works. And you think that the remaining 99.99% FAILURE was simply the will of God.
1 - You actually know a lot less than many atheists and agnostics do about the Bible, Christianity, and church history - but still call yourself a Christian.
I'd like to meet:
"Everything has a purpose on this earth, and all things
fulfill their purpose - seaweed, dung beetles, parasites -
without agonizing or questioning. We are the only part of
creation that is blinded by desires and thus ignore our
particular purpose, individually and collectively, and spend our lives in mad pursuit of nothingness"
-Gottfried Llewelyn-Jones
Music:
I'm a rocker. I rock out.
..
Movies:
Empire Records, Can't Hardly Wait, Bio-Dome, Idol Hands, Edward Scissorhands, Nightmare Before Christmas, Donnie Darko, Crash, Garden State, Fight Club, Pulpfiction, WET HOT AMERICAN SUMMER!!, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, 28 Days Later, The Jerk, Evil Dead, Natural Born Killers, and American Beauty
Television:
WHY BEER IS BETTER THAN RELIGION!!!
10. No one will kill you for not drinking Beer.
9. Beer doesn't tell you how to have sex.
8. Beer has never caused a major war.
7. They don't force Beer on minors who can't think for themselves.
6. When you have a Beer, you don't knock on people's doors trying to give it away.
5. Nobody's ever been burned at the stake, hanged, or tortured for his brand of Beer.
4. You don't have to wait more than 2000 years for a second Beer.
3. There are laws saying Beer labels can't lie to you.
2. You can prove you have a Beer.
1. If you've devoted your life to Beer, there are groups to help you stop.
a
Books:
The Perks of Being a Wallflower, Geek Love, Naked, Slaughter House Five, Eating the cheshire cat, Choke, Ishmael, On the Road....
