I want some butts!!!! I like it hot. I play guitar in a band called Chach. We rock fuck. I laugh when myself and others get hurt. When people's upper lip quivers, it tickles me pink. I don't like people who offend easily. I don't like bands who say that they play music to promote introspection and shit like that. You know, it always seems to me that the bands who make the strongest effort to come across as being scary, intimidating, and cerebral are the same ones who overextend themselves fishing for compliments. It makes me uncomfortable. I can't give you self-confidence. If I could spend the rest of my life laughing I'd die a happy man. The folks in my band and my buddies get it, not unlike when you're tripping and you look over at a friend who's also fryin', and you just nod, almost to telepathically say, "that's right, you know what's up". I'd like to start a cult who's primary concern is fun. Oh yeah, I like to drugs. I fucked up my liver pretty bad by drinking too much, but I still like to drink some. I don't think my liver likes it though. There's a dude I work with who walks around the office making fart noises as he passes by co-workers cubicles and offices - I love him for that. I once saw a porn where TT Boy was getting a blow job, and he looked down at the chick and ferosciously whispered "cock", as if to say that he knew that she knew she was into something good. I think about that scene quite a bit, so there's a good chance that if you're trying to talk to me about something serious, I might be thinking of that scene. Sometimes when Dawn from Chach is doing LSD, I'll ask her a question, and she'll respond with "What the fuck are you talking about?", as her face is red and she's giggling. That makes me happy. My brother is a dead ringer for Dean Ween. He's got a tattoo of the Boognish on his leg. He rules. I love people who aren't afraid to do or say something funny, even if it might get them in trouble or into a fight. My Chach buds, john bender, my brother, and our close friends are good like that. I can kind of be a dick, so sometimes I get bummed when people are nice to me. I like to skateboard. I also love old school arcades. I've got a tattoo of the old arcade game Tempest on my forearm. I'm contemplating getting a tattoo of my ass on my ass. If I ever make a ton of cash, I'll likely spend the bulk of it paying others to entertain me. I like when a male porn star calls a female porn star a "class act". I don't really like tribal tats, even though they're incredibly original. One time I was at some battle of the bands show at the Dragonfly, and this douchebag Creed/Deftones hybrid band asked the audience to quiet down so they could preface one of their shitty tunes with a tribute to 9/11. One of my friends yelled during a lull in the singers boring diatribe, "September 11th RULES!!!". I was laughing so hard I started to cry. Not to diminish the impact of 9/11 by any stretch - I truly sympathize with the victims and their families, but I think the world needs more of that kind of humor to help everyone lighten up. I think I have lung or throat cancer. I hate most people a lot of the time, and probably hate myself some too - I'm working on that shit. However, I'm also the kind of guy who will give a homeless dude everything I've got in my wallet. I hate to see people bummed out. I had a friend who shit himself once while trying to fart in my face - thank god he had boxers on. My band, Chach, has been deleted from this site 3 times because we've used our CD cover as our profile icon. If I had to guess, time number 4 probably isn't too far around the corner. I'd file the next group under turds: Kids who try to talk conspiracy theory with you, and when you show disinterest, they imply that you're somehow intellectually inferior. People who say that others may be in need of "culture", as if implying that their life experience has given them a leg up on those in need. Gore Vidal's dick wants to laugh. The aforementioned may need a series of farts in the face. Generally these douchebags grow out of these phases at about 20, so we'll cut the youngsters some slack, but I'll tell ya......Did I mention I hang by myself a lot? On Ministry's 'In Case You Didn't Feel Like Showing Up' video, one of the dude's onstage was wearing a shirt that said 'Fuck Art, Let's Kill'. As a kid, I thought that was the coolest thing. I still do. When Dickie Moist sings, goddamn does it make sense. The irony here is that most folks who are sending me friend requests would likely prefer not to be my friend after they read this shit. Fuck it. I don't hate the Greatful Dead or Phish, but I might hate people who like them. I always wanted to be in a situation where I could say, "I'm the kind of guy who likes to know who's payin' for my drinks.", but it hasn't happened yet. I'm still looking for that 45 year old super wealthy pervert who wants to pay me to sit on my own couch and do drugs. If you know anyone who fits the bill......
