I'm sometimes known as Gap, or hey you!.. others call me Yoda and I'm never sure if I should be flattered or insulted? I know I'm short!!!...
I am a bit of a loner, and tend to observe rather than participate in that which goes on around me. I have been making an effort to change this but the habits of a lifetime don't disappear overnight and success is still some way off but not unattainable.
I have discovered two things which leave me content and at peace with the world at the end of the day but I'm not telling.
I have learned that I like the rain more than heat. I always thought I hate the rain, but sitting at my desk looking at the distortion of the world through the rivulets running down my windowpane I have a clarity I never get with wide blue skies. The soft drumming of the raindrops on the roof of my workshop provides a stillness in me which leaves the door open for the ideas to flow through, unhindered by the clutter of my mind.
I like Jammie Dodgers and hot tea standing at the kitchen window looking out over the green fields soft with rain and filled with sheep.
I like tea more than coffee, vegetables more than meat, Tui's more than Castle, sea more than mountains and I miss the sound of lions roaring in the distance late at night.
I like girls more than boys, but I don't know why and I don't worry about it anymore, it is just one facet of me and I know that fundamentally I am good and kind and cannot believe that if it was truly wrong that God would have allowed this emotion to settle in me.
I want to cycle across India and America, I don't want to be famous or infamous. I want to hear kd lang sing "Hallelujah" and "Until the Heart Caves In" live on stage before I die. I want to understand the history of my heritage because that is what defined the person I grew up to be. I want to learn to play the saxophone all over again and do it better this time.
Blue is no longer my favourite colour. Lately I have taken leaps of faith without second-guessing them to death and am beginning to enjoy doing it. I have discovered that spontaneous gestures given with love or affection are often more appreciated than gestures thought upon and debated about, until there is no spark of originality left in them.
I like plain vanilla ice-cream better than chocolate, and I am not ashamed to admit my favourite movie is "The Sound of Music" anymore. I am no longer afraid of not having enough money for my old age. I have seen that the universe provides what you need and if you demand more you are just plain greedy. I still love gadgets and don't mind being called a gadget queen.
I like singing "Good Vibrations" by The Beach Boys loudly while driving my car through the lanes. I still don't like smoking. Sixties music is actually quite funky and I really do think that Country music can be more harmful to your health than smoking.
I like being an expatriate but coming home to South Africa feels good and right and I still have lapses of faith in my newfound self-belief but it is no longer a train smash.
"He Ain't Heavy, He's my Brother" is a naff song and my childhood was really quite unique. The Kruger National Park was a wonderful gift from God and the good memories outweigh the bad by far, and the "Flowerpot Men" must have been on some seriously bad acid on their way to San Francisco to think up a name like that? "Walking back to Happiness" IS my new anthem...
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