I'm an animal lover and I've got two terrific dogs, Bjorn and Benny (ABBA fans can relate) and I love them to death. Honestly, they're like my children. One of my FAVORITE things to do is walk my dogs at night in Hyde Park. They love the exercise and I love the park. I'm there just about every night and my dogs LOVE to walk around, especially in the area of the northeast corner, right near the public toilets. Say around 10:30, when the place clears out and it's a bit more private. And the best thing about the park is that my dogs can run around on their own for maybe 30 minutes or so, leaving me free to do whatever I feel like, or just make new friends and meet people. But anyhow, I do love the park, again, at around 10:30, most nights. Maybe if you're on TOP of things- I'll see you there.
I'd like to meet:
One word: girls. Girls, girls, girls! I love love LOVE them! I could make sex with girls all day and night and never get bored. I've done "it" with ladies from all over the world. I even did it with a Chinese bird once (and an hour later I was horny again!!!) My point here is that I'm CRAZY for girls and I can't get enough of them. And I'm NOT just saying this because of all those stupid rumors that I'm gay, which incidentally are NOT true, not in the least. I'm SO not gay that it's not even funny. In fact if I was any LESS gay, I'd be MORE gay- and that doesn't even make any sense. So forget what you've read in the tabloids or heard from a friend or thought you saw in the men's room of some of London's more popular clubs. I like girls. Always have, always will. I've even got a poster of Heather Thomas (From TV's "The Fall Guy") hanging on my bedroom wall and if you've ever seen Heather, you know that she is HOT TO TROT. Would a gay have her poster up? I think not, my friends.
So if you're a mother, lock up your daughters when I come 'round. And if you're a daughter, tell your mum to lock you up when I come 'round. And if you're a mother AND a daughter, then I guess just lock YOURSELF up. Cause if you don't- I might just stop by and make love to you!!!!!!!!
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Music:
As a musician/songwriter/singer (I'm a triple threat!) I of course love all kinds of music. I'm fan of many different artists, from The Pet Shop Boys to Wham. I'm also a huge fan of solo George Michael stuff, Sir Elton John, Erasure, ANYTHING by Andrew Lloyd Webber, the beauteous Ms. Barbara Streisand, Madonna, Tori Amos and various techno artists. Basically just the typical, normal, average stuff that every young lad likes to listen to while hanging with his mates, just chillin' or playing some hoops, real casual, you know. Or working out, gettin' all sweaty with the boys, pumping iron and really getting hard. That's what good rock and roll does- it gets you excited!!
Also I have to say that I'm quite a fan of William Hung, that singer who was on "America's Idol" a few years back. I'm not too big into his actual music but I think he's great because he's retarded AND a chinese and look how far he's come. I think William is just terrific and I'll tell you what- that Chinaman can put pee pee in MY coke anytime he feels like it.
Movies:
My favorite movie of all time is "Arthur," starring the incomperable Dudley Moore as Arthur, the playboy who refuses to grow up. I think Arthur personfies the rich alcholic millionaire inside all of us and I really identify with the character, possibly because i AM a rich millionaire, though I'm not an alcholic. And I felt for Arthur because he could never find the right girl and lord- do I know what that's like. I go through SO many birds trying to find Ms. Right and I always strike out. But then I remember that Arthur finally met his lady fair in the form of Linda Marolla, played by the fabulous Liza Manelli. It was just true love, the second they met, that afteroon Linda when was shoplifting a tie from Bergdorf Goodmans in Manhattan. Linda got busted and Arthur pretended he'd asked her to pick out the tie for him, thus getting her off the hook. And if that's not true love- I'd like to see what is. I know my Linda's out there somewhere. I even once tried to help a girl who was shoplifing, but after we got out of the store she tried to rob me. I think she may have been on drugs, who knows. Anyhow, "Arthur" is my favorite movie, even if they did mess up the sequel. I mean come on, Hobson showing up as a ghost? I'm sorry, but in the real world, your dead butler does NOT show up as an apparition to help guide you through troubled times. I should know, three of my butlers have died and I've never seen ANY of them again. In any case if you haven't seen "Arthur," run out and rent it, because it's full of life lessons that will serve you well. Even the theme song is packed with insight and meaning:
Once in your life you find her
Someone who turns you heart around and
Next thing you know you're closing down the town
Wake up and it's still with you
Even though you left her 'way cross town
Wondering to yourself, "Hey, what've I done"
When you get caught between the moon and New York City
I know it's crazy, but it's true
If you get caught between the moon and New York City
Best that you can do, best that you can do is fall in love
Arthur he does as he pleases
All of his life, he's masters choices
Deep in his heart, he's just, he's just a boy
Living his life one day at a time
Showing himself a really good time
Laughing about the way they want him to be
When you get caught between the moon and New York city
I know it's crazy, but it's true
If you get caught between the moon and New York City
Best that you can do, best that you can do is fall in love!
Books:
Well if I may make a shameless plug, right now my favorite book is my LATEST book, "Fight Your Frankenstein." It's a self help book that uses the Frankenstein mythos to help the reader overcome his or her own monsters. You see we've all got a "Frankenstein" inside us; a monster that we fear and that drives our actions. For some it's food, for some it's gambling, for some it's sex. For some it's the REAL Frankenstein; an undead creature pieced together from the body parts of convicts and given life via electricity in a mad scientist's laboratory. But more likely it's food or booze or whatever. In any case, no matter WHAT your Frankenstein is, I'll help you fight it. My book is like a wooden stake or a silver bullet that YOU can use to stop your Frankenstein once and for all. And when you're done you'll be able to say "take that, Frankenstein, I'm not afraid of you anymore so piss off!!!" And Frankenstein will probably go, "oh no, you've got Claude's book and you know how to defeat me! I can't win!!"
Now of course you don't absolutely NEED my book to fight your Frankenstein, but I will say that without it- the chances that Frankenstein will catch and kill you are much, much greater.
"Fight Your Frankenstein," available now at B. Daltons and wherever fine books are sold.
Heroes:
My greatest hero would have to be the one and only Princess Diana. I loved Diana because she was beautiful and because she did so much for so many people. She was involved with a lot of charities, like that one for crippled kids and that one for people who've had their faces blown off or whatever.
I know Diana came under fire because she slept with a lot of men after she was married and because she was a drug addict and because she had herpes, etc. But the people that criticise her forget how much GOOD she did for the world. So what if she shot a cop and did a little amateur porn here and there. Who cares? She was still a GREAT lady and real class act. I for one am glad Elton John immortalized her with that song of his, but I will admit that if he was going to rip off one of his previous songs, I don't think "Candle in the Wind" was the best choice, I'd have gone with "Goodbye Yellow Brick Road," personally. It just fits better, he could have called it "Goodbye Princess Diana" or whatever.
I will always cherish Diana's memory and think of her fondly. Especially now that I have the steering wheel from the car she was in when she died, having bought it off eBay recently. That may sound morbid but it's just a way for me to be closer to Diana. Besides it's not like she's going to need it up in heaven.
