FOR MY CASSIDY I WILL LOVE AND MISS YOU FOREVER. UNTIL WE MEET AGAIN
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I chose this poem because it is all that I feel and all that I have become. All that I am has become a blur a destorted image of myself staring back at me. My reflexion does not match that soul that once dwelled within so I'm alone Cassidy J. Kilgour's words speak for me better than I can so here it is....NAUGHTi wait, alone.all i loveand who love backare with me.yet,i wait, alone.difficult days,insomnia-laddennights,fucking arduouswith whichto cope.i wait, knowingall i do,all i wantall i tryto believeare naught!i wait, knowing,it isby your leash,yet again,shall you drag meto hell.an excruciating demiseyou will inflict upon me,yet i am comfortedknowing,it shall release mefrom the infernoof your embrace.Cassidy J. Kilgour
Rafael. You're most like the ArchAngel of Healing. You want people to shape up, and you nag. But you mean well, and you're well loved despite it. Or because of it. You bring the donuts even as you tell people to eat more veggies.
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CLICK HERE!The prayer of the ConvictedNow I lay me down to sleep I pray the Lord my soul to keep if I should die before I wake I pray the Lord my soul to take. Heavenly father forgive me for I have sinned. I lay beneath your feet with a soul convicted of sin, many. Father, I have tried repeatedly to take my own life, it has become too much to bare. I sit alone in a room with my eyes weeping to feel loved, I pray to hear you say you love me but nothing is heard, I know I am unworthy to hear the magnificence of your voice for that is why I cannot hear. Father I have been told that I am destined to change a nation but am I capable of what you have in store for me? I question you not, yet I am your greatest creation and feel I will not succeed. My life has become unpredictable, uncontrollable, and I see no future for me. Lord I need guidance. I have been told that I am a fighter and have been asked why have I stopped fighting. I stop fighting for you can only fight by your self for so long and then your body tires, your spirit breaks, and your strength gives way to adversity. You then realize it is time to throw in towel. Lord my strength has become my weakness. My road has become more than rocky. My will to live has become non-existent. Lord you said that life and death are in the power of the tongue, so I prey that when thy lay me down to sleep that I do not awake and it is my soul that you embrace. The wickedness has darkened my heart, and has taken my greatest attribute, passion. So I beg you to take my heartache, and let me suffer no more. My dreams have made the closing of my eyes a nightmare. I feel weak, as if there is nothing more left in me that thrives. It seems my heart no longer beats, my skin no longer glows, and my eyes no longer twinkle in the light of the sun. I gaze into the mirror, not recognizing the face staring back at me. Father I’ve seen my soul walking the sizzling golden streets of hell being tortured by the agony that haunts my past. Can I rectify the sins that destine my soul to swim in lakes of fire and brimstone? Can my prayers be answered when I am worthy of hearing you speak? Will this prayer reach your ears? Will death come in the morning, for I have heard ask and you shall receive? Father forgive me for I have sinned, I have immersed myself in self-loathing, and have abused the gift of love. I pray that I am prepared for what ever comes my way. Lord please hear the prayer of the convicted.Saebijon Sanjayah Perez-DeJhore
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CLICK HERE!A RAPE STORYWalking in my nighty, rubbing my eyes
My fathers sitting on the sofa with his friend
He pats the seat in the middle, i sit
Shivering so cold, a quilt he lends
"Jessy you love me dont you" I smile
Their breathe spirts weep
"Daddy you know i do, what is it?" He smiles at his friend, his hand creeps His friend takes my hand and looks me in the eyes
Daddys creeping up my nightys with such cold hands
I try to pull his hand away the grip is strong!
They look at one another then nod, somethings planned
I feel my palms sweat, Daddys under my knickers
"Daddy im going to bed! Night" Pulling again
But there grip is to strong for me
I look at both, and ask, who are these men?
His fingers going up me, pulling away
His friend leans forward, a kiss? Why?
His toungue moving mine, my eyes squint
Lean back and away, "Why are you doing this?"
No answer, i feel the pain inside me
Chucks the quilt on the floor
I try and scamper away, but im not fast
"O Daddy please, i love you"
His friend is pulling at my nightys
And my Dad pulling my pants down
His friend pinning my hands to the floor
As my Dad lies himself on the ground I squirm,
as Daddys friend pulls me up
And places me ontop of Daddy, thrusts within
I cry, i bite, i scratch, i slap, i fail
"O Daddy please you win you win!"
I can feel my skin rip, my virginity breaking free
I can feel the blood seep down my leg
"Daddy your hurting me please" I plead to him and his friend, not even a beg Daddys laughing, why does he laugh?
His friend shoves himself in my mouth and moans
Tieing my hands together, moving in and out
"Ride me Jessy" He laughs and groans
They smile at one another, laugh too
They roll me over and spread me wide well
My daddy sits on my face, himself in again
While his friend talks and pushes himself inside I can hardly breathe; i gag for air
I cough and splutter, cry and weep
I beg and plead, but its no use
They've already made me hurt and bleed I stare into his eyes, that look upon me
This is not my Dad, where is he?
If he was still here, would he care
Would he actually even, see? Finally they get of and lie me on the sofa
My cheeks blouchy from tears and pain
They play with them selfs, all over me
Rub it in, making me feel the shame "Why Daddy? Please tell me why?"
Dad looks at his friend, and waves him away
"Jessy i love you" he smiles and kisses my cheek
"Is that all you have in your heart to say?" He puts my nightie on me and walks me to my bedroom doorEver since that night, His friend And himself every Friday come back for more "Night sweet Girl, You are my life"
Closing the door, tears still down my face
Still the smell of him and his friend
Fade into me like disgrace I watch the Moon go down, the sun come up
"Jessy its school"
Knocking at my door
I cant help but cry, weep in pain
Because im so scared he wanted more
But one night daddy took it too far Daddy and his friend came back for one last shot
They were worried they would get caught
So he and his friend took me to a cemetary lot I was blindfolded and my hands were tied back
"Daddy please!! Not tonight!"
Daddy and his friend both had their last fun
After that i tried to put up a fight I begged daddy "Please no more!"
All he could say "Shut up you stupid whore!"
Daddy unblindfolded me at last
He said I love you so much
He went back into the car and pulled out a bat
"Daddy I swear I wont say a thing!!!!"
I was dead After only one swing..........................AUTHOR OF THIS UNKNOWN
Music:
Red Hearts, the meaning behind smiles, once thought to be love, promises, and fidelity turns to chaos and confusion. Behind closed doors what truths are spoken? After the click of the phone what emotions cross the mind? Time stands still with love hanging in the balance and constant thoughts of lies and deceit while knowledge of arising stipulations is unknown. I promise with red hearts…With red hearts I will…red hearts I…are all phases of assurance that indicate definite future endeavors. Is what is written truly what resides in your soul? Can it be that what my eyes gaze upon are falsified truths to spare the rod and spoil the child? Interrogative sentences caress the mouth and exits: If living means loosing me, but dying means prolonging periods of my existence which do you choose? And answers: Sustaining your existence serves more purpose than sustaining my own. Liquid from the weeping eye fall signifying satisfaction of all inquiries. Red hearts collide with intended futuristic methods as extended life as one fills the void left to be forgotten. Red hearts a phrase that slides off the tip of your tongue and the cusp of your lips allowing me to find myself lost in your smile. I indulge myself in the natural reaction of longing for the sent of you, the butterflies as your lips form to announce alphabetic characters creating meanings as a unit of language I lacked as a child. I fly free like birds in the warm embrace of your arms, and the affect of your touch. It is against my will that my heart beats in conflicting rhythms along yours. Within the addiction of Cancerian lies a Gemini whose soul moves mountains, whose words touch me in places no one ever will, whose voice makes words fall from my eyes. Lose of comprehended units of prose writing expressing ones thought while the image of you pillages my mind. Can it be that the meaning of red hearts runs deeper than the ocean floor and secures dreams desired by the modern day matriarchs of love? Thumping, pounding, throbbing, his red heart sounds, revealing its presents. The meaning behind smiles, once thought to be love, promises, and fidelity I proclaim Red Hearts.
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