I'd like to meet:
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H o m e
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M e s s a g e . M e
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A d d . M e . T o . Y o u r . F r i e n d s
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M y . P i c t u r e s
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M y . F r i e n d s
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V i e w . M y . C o m m e n t s
A B O U T . M E
So, ladies, what am I like? I sat down and thought about this for awhile, realized some unpleasant things, and hurriedly got piss drunk. When I sobered up, I decided to do what any man does when faced with a difficult problem: Make someone else do it. So I emailed some of my closest female friends (and yes, guys and girls can be platonic friends), and asked them to describe me as if they were talking to another girl they were trying to set me up with. Here's what they wrote: Girl #1: "Do you even realize how much I fucking hate you? You are always a complete prick to me, and you send me some ridiculous fucking email about setting you up with someone. Eat shit and die." Girl #2: "Trey, you know that the restraining order pertains to email also. The judge told you this several times. Good-bye, and don't ever write me again. PS- I still haven't gotten over that infection you gave me. Asshole." Girl #3: "Trey, are you coming back home anytime soon? The baby hasn't eaten in three days. You said you were just going out for some fresh air, and that was 2 weeks ago. Please, honey, come back. I'll cook and clean better, and I'll do my best to stop talking back. And I mean it when I say this, I promise not to sleep with your friends anymore. Please come back." After such resounding success with my female friends, I asked some of my male friends to describe me. Here's what they wrote: Guy #1: "What the hell is this? You are such an idiot. Why are you bothering me with this crap? Are you queer? Go study or something." Guy #2: "Dude, I wouldn't set you up with a mangy, starving dog even if you had steaks for legs. Man, do you even realize how much you suck?" Guy #3: "I write this now with the hope that it will reach as many of your potential victims as possible: Whatever you have to do to avoid Trey, short of killing yourself, DO IT. There is no worse fate for a woman than to become involved with Trey Westphal. He will do mean things to your butt, and then stop taking your calls. He will break you down, emotionally and mentally, toy with your feelings and play with your sense of self until you become little more than an extension of his ego, and then he'll get bored and move onto his next hapless victim. PS-Are you going to pay me that money you owe me anytime soon? I'm getting really pissed off man." That's about enough of that. I don't like any of those people anyway. I N F O R M A T I O N
Status: Single
Age: 26
Hometown: Louisville, KY
Job: Student/Server/Fun havererer
E D U C A T I O N
Graduated from Eastern High School - 1998
University of Louisville class of 2010
Major: Business
Minor: Promotional Management
H O B B I E S
Swimming, skiing (both,) raquetball, jogging, climbing, lifting, enjoying music, driving, hanging with friends, piano & guitar, dancing, traveling
A U T H O R S
David Sedaris, Robert Greene, Sun Tzu, Robin Baker, Home, E.A. Poe, Billy Shakespear, James Joyce, Stephen Hawking, Tucker Max, Neil Strauss, Maddox, Dr. David Lieberman, John Alexander
H E R O S
My parents, for dealing with me as long as they did
L E A V E . A . M E S S A G E:
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