lumpy

I'm a messy procrastinator and a mini-van mass murderer, don't judge. I constantly have strange dreams that I remember to the fullest details. once I had a dream I was making a flamingo lamp out of paper-mache. that was a good night. I make lists of anything and everything, i enjoy a good old fashion to-do list generally, but every now and then I like to spice things up with a books-I-need-to-read or a 100-things-to-do-before-I-die, which I'm up to 70 now so if you have any suggestions I am all for living out other people's dreams. book suggestions are welcome as well. sometimes I forget to put on deoderant. okay, often. Fortune cookies taste a lot better when dipped in water. when my parents took me to chinese restaurants as a kid, I swear, the same busboy was at every restaurant we went to. he was following me i know it. I was a paranoid little child. I used to be crazy scared of my bathroom detatching itself from my house and flying away while I was still in it. I would always leave the door open when taking a shower just so I could peek beyond the curtain to make sure it was still where it should be. who knows what I would have done had I looked outside at one point and seen the bright blue sky. jump? I have a mild obsession with the color green. go ahead, look next time you see me, a quarter says I'm wearing green somewhere. Butternut squash ravioli is the latest love in my life, this, as far as I'm concerned, can only be found at Pomodoro. ask for Mike. spinach magically ends up in my stomach everyday. Shoot me I'm an impulsive buyer. just look at my room. One of my personal favorites is a little beauty i picked up from target, this purple hippo with beams of light shaped like stars shooting from its mouth whenever its trigger is pulled. It's a flashlight and, for that reason, handy, i suppose. But what the fuck am I supposed to do with a chocolate calculator? And yet, it makes me happy. Post-its are fucking handy but your hand is even handier. I'm clever huh? Every time that typed-up bit catches my eye, i'm tempted to stab at the delete button but decide against my better judgement and stick with my cheesiness. By the way, i apologise for the complete waste of your time. for good luck, I kiss the clock when the numbers match up. this is an odd tradition for me considering that I don't believe in time or luck but I somehow find it necessary. and whats even more entertaining is when my friends find it necessary to follow my bullshit superstition. idiots. You'll know you've had enough garlic when your gums have gone numb. I've been rescued by a lifeguard three times in my life, once in the ocean, once in the deep end of a pool and once in one of those sadistic wave pools. how embarrassing. I have Spongebob earrings with him punked out in a mohawk and black jacket but that doesn't matter because my ears hate earrings. I like to think that I have a good sense of direction, I also like to think I'm not an alcoholic, but you know how it goes. I despise attention whores and drama queens and unfortunately I know many from both genres of personality. My pink scarf follows me everywhere I go. when i read words, they appear black & white. as the should. but on another level, words feel like colors. and for the most part these colors are largely determined by the first letter of the word. and i've come to realize this is because my alphabet is color-coded. numbers too. so the last two sentences reads something like this: red, green, white, yellow, purple, red, white, orange-orange. green green. i blame preschool. if they weren't so determined to brainwash us at the delicate first years of existence with the colorful, laminated alphabet stapled up permanently, my subconscious understanding of the english language would never have been pervaded with such distinct and distracting colors. thus i have reasoned this to be why i read at such a moderate pace. i also blame them for my occasional dsylexia, but there is no empirical evidence to prove this. yet. I'm strangely fascinated by little poppets who push their own strollers. it puts a smile on my face. As do active construction sites. Nothing thrills me more than watching a bulldozer haul dirt from one pile to another, or a sweaty ccnstruction worker welding metal beams. Once in 6th grade, I memorized 100 digits of pi for math class extra credit. amazingly I can still recite the first 20 digits. go ahead, ask me. i'll do it. for money too. i'm a mini-van fiend apparently, I had a mini-van, Georgette. she died. then there was Betty, but she recently passed on as well. now I'm just a murderer. My drink of choice is a tequila sunrise, I'm a cheap date but after a few drinks its still pretty hard to tell if I'm drunk, but trust me, I probably am. I remember the most obscure memories thru smell. I smell October a lot. and preschool. one time it was entirely backwards and I saw a picture of a plastic elephant I used to hide in when I was three and I remembered the smell. I'm the laziest hard-working person I know, a work-hard-play-hard kind of person. I also sleep a lot. Flossing is addicting. everyday, without fail, the first two feet of my body from the ground up endure some fleeting yet horrendous pain due to my bumbling, stumbling, run-into-walls gait. my legs are covered in fresh scars and healing bruises, and if i'm limping, i can guarantee the story isnt worth hearing. unless you get off on feeling more horizontally competent than others. I love entertaining the idea of actually becoming good at a something like piano or knitting. If you don't watch adult swim then you might as well just die right now and spare yourself of a boring life. peas taste best when they are frozen. I have a turtle, I thought he was dead once, we even dug up a hole for his funeral, but it turns out he was very much alive. regardless I'd like to step it up a notch with a snake. The movie Gummo scares me to bits and pieces. No matter how many times I go to eat at Noah's Bagels I embarrass myself every time because I can never remember how to pronounce "Asiago," now when I go in there the workers call me Prince, but that's a whole other story. I'm not much of a social butterfly but I love people. its the anthropologist in me. I manage to trick myself into thinking I can do crossword puzzles. every day this happens and every day I disappoint myself. I find this same thing happens when I watch Jeporady. Sadly, I still have trouble distinguishing left from right and right from left. guys with a musical talent are sexy, me-ow. I don't believe in fate but ill let it take over when i'm an indecisive bitch, or I'll just flip a coin, but I suppose that could also be under fate's omnipotent grip as well. damn you fate. Pumpkin anything tastes delicious. I've just recently discovered how much I love bowling. sundays and wednesdays if anyone wants to join in. I'm best when I'm tipsy. 196 while drunk. motherfucker i'm goood. "unbeknownst" is a good word, possibly the best of words. Use it whenever and wherever possible. waterchestnuts have a texture that mesmerize me. A good portion of my youtube addiction spawns from a need to find new videos of sleepy kittens lulling themselves to sleep. Chemistry, i hate you. I've got a freak eyelash that grows to three times the normal eyelashy length plus it's super curly and fun to play with but every now and then it gets in my eye and that doesn't feel so good. I wax my own eyebrows which means they probably look like shit right now. I throuoghly enjoy imagining probable lives of the people i see on the street. I make the most orgasmic mac and cheese imaginable. come on over, and bring some milk because most likely ours is bad. my latest obsession is making brick people. if only i had my digital camera I could share my little darlings with the world. some anonymous camera phone captured the one that started it all. a copy now resides in my pictures if you'd like a better visualization of what i the fuck i do with my time. Once I tried to drive 50 miles with a horrible hangover and ended up pulling into a Barnes & Nobles, after an hour spent finishing whatever book I was reading at the time, I threw up in the parking lot in the shape of a cat. it was insane. even the little bubbles in my puke were perfectly placed right where the eyes and nose should have been. never in my life have I so badly regretted not paying the extra 20 dollars for a camera phone. then I slept in my car for 2 hours. if I come off as a bitch that just means I like you. and if I like you, I’ve already determined you to be someone capable of handling such harassment and interpreting it as love. and if I’ve judged incorrectly, then we probably wouldn’t be all that great of friends anyways. it makes for a neatly circular excuse to be a bitch. of course, you can just take it to mean I'm hostile and angry at the happy people of the world, which may have an ounce of truth to it. or perhaps I genuinely hate you. but really its true, bitch is a good thing. we like bitch. to exercise, I used do strip aerobics with Allison (and carmen electra) and we were sexy bitches, but then I moved into a new place and gained 5 pounds. books entertain me. so do squirrels. and yes, i bite.