Shit you found me - you’re it, now go and hide.
I'm Simon Grrrring, and I’m rapidly approaching thirty years old at a speed which clearly does not suit me. I'm from a backwards little village in the middle of fucking nowhere, but for geographical reasons they decided to call it Oxfordshire.
I escaped Oxfordshire as soon as I was old enough to realise that incest is actually immoral and illegal, and that morris dancing is for inbred middle aged men who clearly still enjoy having sex with animals. If you ever manage to get even remotely close to me (not generally advised - I occasionally soil myself), you might notice a small scar on my left hand where an extra finger used to be.
My main pet hates include people using text speak (can’t say I’m particularly well educated but at least I can speak all proper ‘n that) and proximity rapists. The area around me is MY SPACE (see what I did there….) and you can only come in if you’re invited.
I try not to judge people (fuck, that’s tricky sometimes isn’t it?) and I try to live an honest life. I’m not violent and I don’t steal, and I don’t understand people that are, and do. I’m happy with that. (I don’t even get on a train without a ticket for fucks sake!!) I don’t believe in capital punishment but I wouldn’t necessarily call myself a humanitarian either. I’m not racist (but definitely guilty of busting out a few jokes here and there… oops!) and I have absolutely no time for people who genuinely are.
I 'play' drums in a band called Soul Destruction - I say 'play' but if you've ever seen a violent epileptic autistic child maniacally clutching two wooden spoons, you'll get the idea. I’m under peer pressure here to change what I’ve originally written about our band. I hereby publicly apologise to David, Mark and Alex for referring to us as ‘The World’s Laziest Band’. I’m changing it to ‘Biggest Bunch Of Tossers’ ;)
We’re coming to the end of recording our first full album, painstakingly put together by Alex, to whom I’ve promised a blowjob. It’s already sounding heavier than Jabba The Hut in a pie shop, and scarier than Jo Brand’s clitoris. We’re at www.myspace.com/souldestruction and www.souldestruction.co.uk and we’ll be hassling, bribing and blackmailing as many people as possible in the new year to come to as many shows as possible.
I currently manage a pub in Hampshire called The Tumbledown Dick which is also one of the last local live music venues. I book most of the live music here, and I’m also responsible for starting Quarantine, (The name by the way, is from a computer game called ‘Dead Ball Zone’ in case you were sad enough to wonder..!! ;) ) a regular rock/metal/emo/alternative club on Friday nights.
I’m obviously very proud of what both myself and my staff have achieved, and continue to provide for the local alternative scene. We’ve obviously come under criticism from some of the visitors there, but I’ve learnt the hard way that pleasing everyone all the time simply isn’t possible. I know I’ve upset people along the way, and unfortunately this happens from time to time.
I’m not in this job to make enemies but I know there are people (who could even read this) that don’t like me as a result of either being asked to leave or barred from our venue. (Or of course, simply just don’t like me!) I’m truly sorry for that, but I know sometimes that’s just the way it is. In my time so far running the pub and club I’ve done what I can to improve the business, and have spent the whole of this year working continuously to maintain it. Bridges have been built between us and our very friendly rivals, The Agincourt, and now the relationship between the two venues and management has never been better. As I said before, we often come under criticism from the very same people we try so hard to cater for, and I personally think that without venues like The Tumbley and The Agincourt, the local alternative scene would be completely fucked, so let’s not be too hard, people… ;)
I aim to spend a large majority of 2007 discovering countries I’ve not yet been to. I’m not particularly well travelled, so I’m going to be throwing some meagre belongings into a rucksack and travelling as much of the world as I can. I think it’s so important to embrace other countries’ cultures, languages and ways of life whilst still maintaining your own identity and to a certain degree I think that’s become one of the many problems of this country. But I’m not here to talk politics!
Thankfully though, I’m blessed with the most amazing friends, most of which I’ve met around this area, so I’ve figured this is probably the area I’ll stay after my world tour is finally over.
Finally, please don’t send me a friend request if you don’t know me personally. I’m not one of these people who try to accumulate as many ‘friends’ as possible as a gross act of self indulgence (Simon will never have 3472 friends…!). If I’ve asked to add you and I don’t know you personally however, it simply means I admire and respect you and is a mark of genuine interest. I somehow can’t imagine anyone doing that to me, so I don’t feel hypocritical there.
If you’re a band wanting a gig at The Tumbley, simply email me at [email protected] with all your details (style/location/website/myspace) etc and if I can help you out, I will. Be warned though (and this is also an apology…!), it does take me a while as I’m a fairly busy boy.
See you at the bar! - Simon
You think you are Batman Batman 70% Hulk 65% Iron Man 65% Catwoman 60% The Flash 55% Robin 52% Green Lantern 50% Superman 45% Spider-Man 35% Supergirl 35% Wonder Woman 30% You love rubber masks
and have no shame in wearing skin tight jumpers to show
off your man-boobs
Click here to take the Superhero Personality Test
WHAT THE FUCK?! ONLY 30% WONDER WOMAN?!! That's fucking bollocks.