STANKY..
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I walked into a Blimpie's with a buy-one-get-one-free coupon for a sandwich. I handed it to the girl and she looked over at a little chalkboard that said "buy one-get one free". "They're already buy-one-get-one-free", she said, "so I guess they're both free". She handed me my free sandwiches and I walked out the door.A friend of mine bought a new fridge for his house. To get rid of his old fridge, he put it in his front yard and hung a sign on it saying: "Free to good home. You want it, you take it." For three days the fridge sat there without even one person looking twice at it. My friend decided that people were too untrusting of this deal. It looked too good to be true, so he changed the sign to read: "Fridge for sale $50." The next day someone stole it.One day I was walking down the beach with some friends when one of them shouted, "Look at that dead bird!" Someone looked up at the sky and said, "Where?"While looking at a house, my brother asked the real estate agent which direction was north because, he explained, he didn't want the sun waking him up every morning. She asked, "Does the sun rise in the north?" When my brother explained that the sun rises in the east, and has for sometime, she shook her head and said, "Oh, I don't keep up with that stuff."I used to work in technical support for a 24/7 call center. One day I got a call from an individual who asked what hours the call center was open. I told him, "The number you dialed is open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week." He responded, "Is that Eastern or Pacific time?" Wanting to end the call quickly, I said, "Uh, Pacific."My colleague and I were eating our lunch in our cafeteria, when we overheard one of the administrative assistants talking about the sunburn she got on her weekend drive to the shore. She drove down in a convertible, but "didn't think she'd get sunburned because the car was moving." They Walk Among Us!My sister has a lifesaving tool in her car designed to cut through a seat belt if she gets trapped. She keeps it in the trunk.My friends and I were on a beer run and noticed that the cases were discounted 10%. Since it was a big party, we bought 2 cases. The cashier multiplied 2 times 10% and gave us a 20% discount.I was hanging out with a friend when we saw a woman with a nose ring attached to an earring by a chain. My friend said, "Wouldn't the chain rip out every time she turned her head?" I explained that a person's nose and ear remain the same distance apart no matter which way the head is turned.I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area, so I went to the lost luggage office and told the woman there that my bags never showed up. She smiled and told me not to worry because she was a trained professional and I was in good hands. "Now," she asked me, "has your plane arrived yet?"While working at a pizza parlor I observed a man ordering a small pizza to go. He appeared to be alone and the cook asked him if he would like it cut into 4 pieces or 6. He thought about it for some time before responding. "Just cut it into 4 pieces; I don't think I'm hungry enough to eat 6 pieces."
I am not quite sure yet....want to help me figure it out?
It isn't the mountains ahead to climb that wear you out; it's the pebble in your shoe. ~Muhammed Ali
Can you cry under water?____________________________________How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?____________________________________Why do you have to "put your two cents in".. but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to?____________________________________Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you wereburied in for eternity?____________________________________Why does a round pizza come in a square box?____________________________________What disease did cured ham actually have?____________________________________How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?____________________________________Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?____________________________________If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?____________________________________Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?____________________________________Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?____________________________________Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway.____________________________________Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural?____________________________________Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?____________________________________If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?____________________________________Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane ?____________________________________If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?____________________________________Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!____________________________________If Wiley E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?____________________________________If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?____________________________________If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?____________________________________Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?____________________________________Why did you just try singing the two songs above?____________________________________Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your butt?____________________________________Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride; he sticks his head out the window?