aYiShü

stupidity!! is it really one of my virtues?! i know, it may sound absurd & trully , a laughing matter, but in a sense, i mean it. i say this because for nearly 15 years of my ridiculous life. it has always play a vital role....unfortunately, vital, only to my numerous mistakes!! i myself, am very aware that i am not dumb, mentally or more appr0priately, academically. though i fail in some useless subjects, it does not necessarily imply that i am dull!! i just loose interest with this "certain" sujects. i know how to use my brain, i've manipulated it pretty well through the years. there are just really little, very little flaws that sometimes, or, oftentimes cause MAJOR destruction! im logical and rational person.. i do not normally trust intuition, i go straight for the facts. but at times, logic is not part of my options, especially when it comes to my "touchy" part. when im ..hmm.. u know.. 'in love' corny but its true. anyway, when im in love, often times, i loose my grip in stuff. the brainy stuff just drifts away leaving me, with my pretty much unreliable heart.!!. at these times, i forget being rational and reasonable. i get irrational and very much unreasonable. which is practically not a veryhealthy trait. sometimes i completely forget about logic or even plain common sense. this then eventually becomes a great deal and a source of gloom on me.i dont know why, but i've been through this not only once but many times already but i dont seem to grow out of it. WHY? i love myself, i love myself so much that i become egoistic and sometimes apathetic but why do i still allow myself to go through all of this sh*t!!?? i would even give up things itreasured so much even if i knew that results were not really pleasing, even if i knew that things were quite jumbled-up.. *sigh* me....... will i be this forever?! CHANGE! i have changed, in many ways actually but it seems, this is the only thing that remains constant. why? questions.. they're unending.boring.senseless. but why? people often complain that im too unpredictable and very hard to understand. but i tried so hard to move on so many times... i just wish that " i dont want to be that little girl who has been hurt all the time".

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