Lance Eaglebauer Esq. (the staypuffharshmellowman)

About Me

a wise man once said "the only constant in life is change". He was wrong. There is two constants in life.
DISAPPOINTMENT and UNCERTAINTY

Hey. I'm Cory Monster a.k.a. Lance Eaglebauer a.k.a. the Peekskill Strangler a.k.a. the StaypuftHarshMellowMan a.k.a. DJ Ninja Schmoe a.k.a. KMFCM a.k.a. the most evil man in america
I am bored and old.
I do music to kill time.
I sing in Hollywood Streetwalker
along with my (insert number with a bunch of 0s to exaggerate) musical projects
Kindergarten Hazing Ritual
+killthemanbecomethemonster+
Zombie Ninja Schmoe
0cadavernamedAlison0
Vas:Deferans (a.k.a. -=Mana+Pinata=- a.k.a. La'Merde)
Samus's Pimp
-NegativeHype- (hip hop project you'll never hear because I'm completely ashamed of my voice when rapping)
Eaglebauer Goes to Quiznos (coming eventually)
Ash Ketchum and the Snuff Porn Kings ("skrams" [that's what the kids call it these days] project that in true "skrams" fashion has already disbanded)
Deth Adder (grind heavily influenced by Carcass and Anal Cunt. disbanded. Adam now has the name)
the Anti-Valentines (total crap. . .except for "teen girls suck". . .that song is pop punk gold if I do say so myself) Sushi Smash (collaboration with Mr. Adam Cooley [BROS!] that will return, dammit)
Triskaidekaphobia (collaboration with Bruce Incentive . .I'm sure he'll give me the link if there is one)
Life Debt (HI CHRIS!!!)
Sometimes Dead is Better (HI MIKE!!!)
Bad Influence (HI HIRAM!!!!)
. . . .yeah, I just listed ever band I was ever in to kill time.
LEAVE WII CODE OR DIE!!!
tha Kart: 3566-1941-2572
smashy trashy brawly brawly: 2835-9863-2577

My Interests

music, and being a hater

I'd like to meet:

"All I ask is to live one day longer than you so I can have the chance to spit on your fucking grave."everyone I've done a split EP with. I've only met Fred BAYI and Johnny Brokecore.
Fenriz
Jon Chang
Katie Gilbert
Trey Parker and Matt Stone
Tsukasa Harakawa
Cristina Guari
someone who has beaten Blaster Master for the NES, without savestates or anything. I STILL haven't met anyone who's done it.
oh, and I changed the slogan from "fuck off and die" to "fuck the fuck off and die the fuck dead"

Movies:

fucked up ones.
that's the best kind

Television:

south park, adult swim, family guy, simpsons, ping pong club, daily show, reno 911, how i met your mother,

Books:

Battle Royale, Rantings of a Single Male

Heroes:

. . .and all your heroes, will fucking
fail
you

My Blog

i have found the 5th reason i should never be in a relationship. . .

astonishing fact I learned from being on Consumating in it's last days the 1 thing I have in common with 9 our of 10 girls I find attractive is SUSHI what does this mean?? it means, if ...
Posted by Lance Eaglebauer Esq. (the staypuffharshmellowman) on Sat, 26 Apr 2008 06:23:00 PST

BOO!!!!

1. my band is playing next weekend. . .TWICE!! hopefully I'm over this fucking cough by then (stupid fucking weather).2. this new Harlots jawn is pretty fucking good. I will have to purchase on releas...
Posted by Lance Eaglebauer Esq. (the staypuffharshmellowman) on Sat, 08 Sep 2007 06:36:00 PST

why I will not be attending ANY of your weddings. . .

-once you've seen 5 telenovelas, you've seen them all- out in the park a funeral is swingin' if those 2 crazy kids can't make it what hope is there for the rest of us of breaking even once the hon...
Posted by Lance Eaglebauer Esq. (the staypuffharshmellowman) on Sat, 30 Jun 2007 08:18:00 PST

why there will never be true equality in this world. .

There will never be equality of any kind in this world racial, gender, sexuality, class, NOTHING you know why that is?? because WE VALUE SOME PEOPLES LIVES MORE THAN WE VALUE OTHER...
Posted by Lance Eaglebauer Esq. (the staypuffharshmellowman) on Sat, 23 Jun 2007 09:56:00 PST

borrwed from a dude who added KHR

thanks,ahem1. When she asks how she looks shrug and say "could be better" this will keep her on her toes and girls love that. 2. Never hold her hand. This can be interpreted as a sign of weakness. (Or...
Posted by Lance Eaglebauer Esq. (the staypuffharshmellowman) on Sun, 22 Oct 2006 07:14:00 PST

update. . .

so yeah i got 4 wisdom teeth out and lived my jaw is really fucking sore, but at least I can sorta eat solid foods again (after two days of not being able to do anything but swall...
Posted by Lance Eaglebauer Esq. (the staypuffharshmellowman) on Wed, 04 Oct 2006 03:04:00 PST

I hate dreaming.. .

I definitely had a dream last night that I ended up with a tall leggy Swedish girl with red and black hair (and tits like Devinn Lane) who played drums in a Nasum rip-off band. . . . . .yes...
Posted by Lance Eaglebauer Esq. (the staypuffharshmellowman) on Mon, 10 Jul 2006 07:46:00 PST

I should NEVER be in a relationship. .

I've been working regular 9-5 office jobs for a couple years. . .and what it's taught me is that I don't relate to anyone. . .at all. Why? Normal people are OBSESSED with relationships. ...
Posted by Lance Eaglebauer Esq. (the staypuffharshmellowman) on Sun, 02 Jul 2006 07:02:00 PST

forgive me for not loving people who want me to die. . .

I watch that "current TV" channel a lot.Lately, they get these letters from chicks who don't think there's enough feminist programming on the channel. What's cool is, the people on the channel go "wel...
Posted by Lance Eaglebauer Esq. (the staypuffharshmellowman) on Tue, 16 May 2006 08:51:00 PST

I only dig dat raw shit. . .

this is mainly so I can remember where some of these are. . .but. . .go ahead and take a look. . . myspace bands I heard and really dig in the last 4 days the_network. the Sons of Montana Knuck...
Posted by Lance Eaglebauer Esq. (the staypuffharshmellowman) on Mon, 31 Oct 2005 02:07:00 PST