Kev-Fu - ProfilesArchive

About Me

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Let me tell you a little bit about myself. My name is Kevin and I grew up a poor black child. I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and kicking ass. I translate ethnic slurs for Cuban refugees and I manage time efficiently. I can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed, and I cook Thirty-Minute Brownies in twenty minutes. Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I once single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from a horde of ferocious army ants. I don't perspire. I am a private citizen, yet I receive fan mail. I have been caller number nine and have won the weekend passes. I can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with deadly accuracy. I know the exact location of every food item in the supermarket. I have performed several covert operations for the CIA. I sleep once a week; when I do sleep, I sleep in a chair. While on vacation in Chile, I successfully negotiated with a group of terrorists who had seized a small bakery. I balance, I weave, I dodge, I frolic, and my bills are all paid. Years ago I discovered the meaning of life but forgot to write it down. I have won bullfights in San Juan, cliff-diving competitions in Sri Lanka, and spelling bees at the Kremlin. I have played Hamlet and I have performed open-heart surgery. I am all that is man! I am Kevin WELCOME TO MY WORLD!

My Interests

BEER VS. VAGINA1.Beer is always wet. Vagina needs a little work. One point to BEER2.Warm beer tastes awful. One point to VAGINA3.A really cold beer is satisfying. One point to BEER4.If after taking a swig of your favourite beer you find a hair between your teeth, you may vomit. One point to VAGINA5. If you get home reeking of beer your wife may get mad, make a scene, kick you out, etc. If you get home reeking of vagina your wife may get mad, kick you out, even leave you. There's definitely a point to be had here, depending on your point of view and personal circumstances. I'll just call it a DRAW for the time being.6. Ten beers in one night and you can't drive home. Ten vaginas in one night and you don't want to drive anywhere. One point to VAGINA7. If you have a lot of beer in a public place, your reputation may suffer. If you eat any vagina in public, you become a legend. One point to VAGINA8. If a cop stops you and you smell of beer you may get arrested. If you smell of vagina he may buy you a beer. One point to VAGINA9. You normally don't find old beer. One point to BEER10. Too much beer and you'll think you see flying saucers. Too much vagina and you'll think you've seen God. One point to VAGINA11. Ripping off a beer bottle label is boring. Ripping off panties is fun. One point to VAGINA12. In most countries there's a tax on beer. One point to VAGINA13. If you have another beer the first one never gets pissed off. One point to BEER14. You can always be sure if you're the first one to open a bottle or a can. One point to BEER15. If you shake beer it'll get all agitated but eventually it settles down. One point to BEER16. With beer you always have choice: clear, dark, pilsner,ale,lager,etc One point to BEER17. You always know how much beer is going to cost One point to BEER18. Beer doesn't have a mother One point to BEER19. Beer never expects to be hugged for half an hour after you drink it One point to BEER FINAL SCORE: BEER: 10 VAGINA: 8That's it! The matter is settled, the clear winner is: BEERPS: If you are a woman and at this point feel angry, degraded or discriminated against, just remember that Beer would experience none of those feelings, let alone express them, an extra point for BEER

I'd like to meet:

George W. Bush! I heard he is awsome on the turn tables! George W. on the 1's and 2's! He did that in college! So, Id love to kick it old school with George W!

Music:

Movies:

pulp fiction f'ns
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