Johnny Furiously profile picture

Johnny Furiously

C'est la Guerre.

About Me

I'm so pretty.

"There's nothing wrong with being a Mediterranean gigolo, as long as it gets you what you want."

- My Mom
(In an attempt to console me after I took offense to her calling my natural charms "that Mediterranean-looking gigolo thing".)

I love my mom.



My Interests

Linen Suits and Straw Hats. Sandwiches. Girls who drive muscle cars, motorcycles, or old trucks. Girls who eat sandwiches. Girls who eat muscle cars, motorcyles, or old trucks. Facemelting.

I'd like to meet:



Chaka Khan isa fucking gangstress! The backstory on this is her drummer blew a live-television gig, so she - who'd apparently been dabbling for about a YEAR! - climbed-up and hit it herself. There's apparently an entire set of this out there, somewhere. Fucking awesome!

Music:

Johnny Cash, John Lee Hooker, John Coltrane, John McLaughlin, King Gelatono and the Revelation, Johnny Rev and the Rockstronauts, Yes I'm Is or Bitch I'll Cover Yer Style, John Smith, Johnny Rev and the Bad Scenes, Love & Hat, Jesus and the Boogaloo Kings, Red Elvises, Vagabond Opera, Miles Davis, Charlie Christian, Wes Montgomery, Tal Farlow, Joe Pass, Jim Hall, Lightnin' Hopkins, Son House, Big Bill Broonzy, Willie Nelson, Bill Evans, Charles Mingus, Thelonius Monk, Sly & the Family Stone, Charles Wright & the Watts 103rd St. Rhythm Band, Parliment, The Meters, Bill Withers, Gil Scott Heron, Donnie Hathoway, King Sunny, Fela Kuti, Curtis Mayfield, Bob Marley, Toots & the Maytalls, Peter Tosh, Jimmy Cliff, Burning Spear, Matisyahu, Steel Pulse, Lonnie Johnson, Eddie Lang, Blind Willie McTell, Texas Alexander, Sylvester Weaver, Georgia Bill, Casey Bill Weldon, Blind Willie Johnson, Walter Beasley, Joshua White, Tampa Red, Guitar Shorty, Olu Dara, ODB, Wu-Tang Clan, Brother Ali, Nas, Atmosphere, Living Legends, Blackalicious, Tribe Called Quest, Beastie Boys, Run DMC, KRS-One, De La Soul, Mos Def, LL Cool J, Bone Thugs 'N' Harmony, 2Pac, Notorious B.I.G., Eazy-E, N.W.A., Public Enemy, Del, Dan the Automator, Prince Paul, Handsome Boy Modeling School, Gorrilaz, DJ Danger Mouse, Ceelo, Gnarls Barkley, Saul Williams, Roots, Aceyalone, RJD2, Air, Portishead, Tom Jones, Paul Okenfold, Ice Cube, RZA, Nancy Sinatra, Nina Simone, Too $hort, Latryx, Gift of Gab, Grouch, Sage Francis, Ludacris, Jedi Mind Tricks, Moodswing, Adair Village, The Angry Orts, The Volumes, Dance Card, Lovely, Andrew Gorny, Ann Peebles, Etta James, Ella Fitzgerald, Billie Holliday, Patsy Cline, Loretta Lynn, Dolly Parton, Lucinda Williams, Neko Case, Hank Williams, Joe Carter, Harry McLintock, Norman Blake, Allison Krauss, The Soggy Bottom Boys, Chris Thomas King, Gillan Welch, Emmelou Harris, Ralph Stanley, Journey, AC/DC, Guns 'N' Roses, Iron Maiden, Quiet Riot, Poison, Metallica, Ratt, Motorhead, Ozzy, Black Sabbath, Cream, Jimi Hendrix, The Allman Brothers, The Grateful Dead, The Band, Bob Dylan, Violent Femmes, Cake, Green Day, The Offspring, Live, Pearl Jam, The Cranberries, Hootie and tha Mothahfuckin' Blowfish, Biz Markie, Morris Day and tha Muthahfuckin' Time, Otis Day, Otis Redding, Sam Cooke, Al Green, Marvin Gaye, The Presidents of the United States of America, Dead Kennedys, The Clash, The Ramones, Blood For Blood, Operation Ivy, Rancid; I'm tired and this could go forever. Fuck it! I like sound...

Movies:

Coen Brothers, Sergio Leone, Robert Altman, Fellini, Krzysztof Kieslowski, Terry Zwigoff, Kubrik, Scorcese, Alejandro Gonzalez, Curtis Hanson, Spike Jonze, Charlie Kaufman, Philip Kauffman, Terrence Malick, Harold Ramis, Jean-Pierre Jeunet, Fernando Meirelles, Marc Caro, Luc Besson, Marx Brothers, Monty Python, Clint Eastwood, Paul Newman, Jack Nicholson, Five Easy Pieces, Six-String Mahfawkin' Samurai!, the Washington thing, et al.

Television:

The Simpsons, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Degrassi Jr. High, American Gladiators, Captain Planet, He-Man, Popeye, Family Guy, Saved By the Bell, Fresh Prince, Martin, In Living Colour, Monty Python, The Three Stooges, Perry Mason, Matlock, McGuyver, Saturday Night Live, Conan.

Books:

Currently Reading:
It's not my fault! Greg made me do it! I swear...
John Steinbeck, Ray Bradbury, Ken Kesey, Ernest Hemmingway, Jules Verne, Herman Mellville, Edward Albee, H.G. Wells, F. Scott Fitzgerald, D.H. Lawrence, T.S. Elliot, Rudyard Kipling, John Keats, Joseph Heller, James Joyce, Henry David Thoreau, William Faulkner, Herman Hesse, Leo Tolstoy, Nikolai Gogol, Fyodor Dostoyevsky, Philip Pullman, George Orwell, Franz Kafka, Kurt Vonnegut, Tom Robbins, Douglas Adams, David Sedaris, Johnny Cash, God, The Dalai Lama, Sun Tzu, Homer, Sophocles, Euripides, Thomas Mann, Robert Pirsig, Nikos Kazantzakis, Chinua Achebe, Gabriel Garcia Marquez, Milan Kundera, Vladamir Nabokov, Kent Meyers, Wallace Stegner, Anais Nin, Henry Miller, Zora Neale Hurston, Ralph Ellison, Ayn Rand, Richard Dawkins, David Brin, Orson Scott Card, Jeffery Eugenides, Mark Jude Poirier, William Golding, Chuck Palaniuk, Tom Wolfe, Hunter S. Thompson, Norton Juster, Immanuel Kant, Friedrich Nietzsche, Sigmund Freud, Plato, Voltaire, Jean-Jacques Rousseau, Dante, Thomas Hobbes, John Milton, Raymond Carver, Barry Lopez, Gary Snyder, Carl Sagan, Stephen Hawking, Jack London, Art Speigelman, Malcom Gladwell, Jonathon Tropper, Studds Terkel, Frank Zappa, Howard Zinn, Daivid McCullough, Edmund Morris, Dianne Ravitch, Shel Silverstein, Dr. Seuss, Maurice Sendak, Edgar Allen Poe, that guy that did all the Berenstain Bears shit; et al, ad naseum.

Heroes:

Ron Popeil.

My Blog

Love and Happiness.

    Beware all ye enter here.  If you came here lookin' for that good ol' Johnny lovin', what with the funny and the homocidal all-in-one!  Well, I just don't got it today, Ki...
Posted by Johnny Furiously on Fri, 17 Nov 2006 03:11:00 PST

End of Days Sleeps Through Its Alarm, Totally Misses Midterms.

So, okay, I'm having some trouble breathing here.  I mean, is anyone catching this?  This can't be happening, right?  Not HERE!  Not in AMERICA!?As of right now (midnight-thirty, T...
Posted by Johnny Furiously on Thu, 09 Nov 2006 01:43:00 PST

Nin

There is no truth, no reality. We can only know with our feelings. Our head is false. All I know is that I love you.
Posted by Johnny Furiously on Wed, 04 Oct 2006 07:12:00 PST

Melodramine

It's upsetting to me that I can't find the answers to the questions of my life encoded somewhere on MySpace. It's unsettling, the realization that some things have to be done in real-life, prior to m...
Posted by Johnny Furiously on Tue, 19 Sep 2006 12:33:00 PST

Emergen-C and Bourbon

In Arizona, cicadas becon in the monsoons. Out of no where the ordinarily stickily lethargic temperment and placcid dark-blue sky of the southwestern summer erupts in a polyphony of ubercricket racke...
Posted by Johnny Furiously on Thu, 14 Sep 2006 02:16:00 PST

.8 Bus to Hell, Jubitz, and 15th Ave.

So I gets on the bus yesterday to take me home from this dreary downtown semitone-kinda-life (baby! a-babay!). 'Twas a day much like any other; work, coffee, swarming battalions of mormons in full re...
Posted by Johnny Furiously on Thu, 29 Jun 2006 08:22:00 PST

I'ma Kill Everything (I'ma Big, Fat, Whiney Bitch!)

Okay, so, I know - it's summertime, right? And we're all s'posed to be all happy and everything, yeah? (What asshole made-up that rule anyway?...) But, I mean - I just gotta bitch a little bit, rig...
Posted by Johnny Furiously on Fri, 23 Jun 2006 02:00:00 PST

Chill the Fuck Out, Portland!

So, I'm sitting here in the sunshine, smoking a cigarette and listening to the soothing sounds of Andrew Gorny overplaying the fuck outa some poor early-Romantic Russian opera on his weird little foss...
Posted by Johnny Furiously on Sun, 18 Jun 2006 05:01:00 PST

Pour some Liquors.

The coif is gone.  The coif is gone away.
Posted by Johnny Furiously on Mon, 08 May 2006 01:17:00 PST

Stephen Colbert is My Only Fucking God!!!

Holy Fucking Christ!!!  I would so totally sleep with this man!!!  Sleep the shit outa'im!!!  Wow!  I gotta go change my pants...  WOW!!!  Right?!......
Posted by Johnny Furiously on Wed, 03 May 2006 11:54:00 PST