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cruz

I am here for Friends

About Me


"Do not assume that she who seeks to comfort you now, lives untroubled among the simple and quiet words that sometimes do you good. Her life may also have much sadness and difficulty, that remains far beyond yours. Were it otherwise, she would never have been able to find these words.” rainer maria rilke
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"You must be the change you wish to see in the world." mahatma ghandi
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I'm *curiouser* and *curiouser*.
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Out With You
I have thoughts sometimes that I may be totally in the wrong place. I walk down the street in my pleated corporate clothes and see some guy with a septum piercing, a tattoo on his neck, and black clothes on a humid morning and see where I could have turned to be like that. I have thoughts sometimes that maybe I should have made that turn. Somewhere else I see a white chick, just like me, with long, well-kept, black dreads just like I once wanted. I don’t write anymore. I’m half Puerto-Rican and don’t speak Spanish. Should I have been a bohemian living for the next poetic open mike? Could I have brought the house down with the stories about how I fought with my mother or my ex-boyfriend because I made the sentences rhyme?
I have thought sometimes that I could be happy with a fat belly working the cash register at a KFC in Tampa, Florida, because I could make the best pernil, arroz con gandules, tostones, y empanadas that anyone can remember. Because is Chinese food at midnight, a 24/7 subway system, and endless hangout options really necessary? Does it matter if I work on the 33rd floor with a view of Central Park if I go home and the only green I see belongs to a nearly dead mini-rose plant that I’ve been struggling to keep alive for 5 months?
But there are some things I can do. I can make you laugh. I can surprise you with the stupid things I know that you couldn't have cared less about. I can’t be counted on for showing up on time but no one gets there sooner when the shit hits the fan. I worry about everyone else before myself because who gives a shit about me if there’s no one else there to be with me? I would babysit for you. I give great hugs at the right moment. I won’t cheat, I won’t lie, I won’t stab you in the back. I am still amazed at how rare that is.
I have the thought sometimes that I have a propensity for exaggeration and a tendency to use big words unnecessarily. I have the thought sometimes that I should stop meandering, get off my ass, and do the dishes. And then sometimes I think life is fragile and short and if I don’t feel like doing the dishes then I shouldn’t. After all, when I’m dying, and if I have the time to look back on my life at that moment, would the dishes in the sink really be what I worry about and regret? Or will it be the dreads and septum piercing I never got or that I never learned to speak Spanish? Will it be that I couldn’t keep my roses alive? Or will it be that I spent so much time writing this when I could have been hanging out with you?
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My Interests


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I'd like to meet:



The Fam:

Momma

Sista

cuz mikey

amy

cuz chris

titi maria

cuz tiff

cuz jess

The Friends:

kat

chris

lucy / lyudmila

tea

javier

jose

vanessa

luis

dara

erick

kuba

alex

teresa

stefani

tim

max

The Music:

Stefani & the Soft Corps

Ashes Within

Fetal Syndrome

Shadow of Demise

Chris Maher

Consider the Source

Lovecraft Android

cruz tunes

See everybody!
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Music:

My MySpace Discography: ¶ cheap trick - i want you to want me ¶ sublime - what i got ¶ deftones - change in your house ¶ smashing pumpkins - disarm ¶ baby cham - my story ¶ wyclef - two wrongs ¶ lisa loeb - stay ¶ nirvana - heartshaped box ¶ janis joplin - summertime ¶ primitive radio gods - standing outside a broken phone booth with money in my hand ¶ chris maher - mEequalsMCsquared ¶ smashing pumpkins - today ¶ chaka demus - murder she wrote ¶ boyz II men - i will get there ¶ erykah badu - kiss me on my neck ... ¶ lauryn hill - peace of mind ¶ fiona apple - not about love ¶ hole - doll parts ¶ lit - miserable ¶ deftones - hole in the earth ¶ jewel - don't ¶ christina aguilera - hurt ¶ blink 182 - down ¶ the simpsons - a boozehound named barney ¶ kanye west - family business ¶ the chipmunks - christmas don't be late ¶ radiohead - idioteque ¶ system of a down - aerial ¶ michael andrews - mad world ¶ silverchair - shade ¶ christina aguilera - the voice within ¶ smashing pumpkins - bodies ¶ filter - take a picture ¶ sponge - plowed ¶ alicia keys - troubles ¶ kanye west - spaceship ¶ korn - ass itch ¶ fleetwood mac - go insane ¶ janet jackson - what about ¶ gnarls barkley - just a thought ¶ bombichrist - shut up and swallow ¶ live - lakini's juice ¶ sia - breathe me ¶ capleton - who dem ¶ bb king - you shook me ¶ nelly furtado - say it right ¶ kanye west - i wonder ¶ michael jackson - man in the mirror ¶ amy winehouse- tears dry on their own ¶ lauryn hill - freedom time ¶ alice in chains - god am ¶ blind melon - change ¶ fiona apple - waltz (better than fine) ¶ kanye west - everything i am ¶ pj harvey - knock me out ¶ fiona apple - across the universe ¶ elliot smith - never gonna figure it out ¶ alicia keys - caged bird ¶ erykah badu - soldier ¶ anthony hamilton - ain't nobody worryin ¶ judy garland - somewhere over the rainbow

Heroes:


I am Spider-Man Spider-Man 95% Green Lantern 80% Supergirl 67% Superman 65% Wonder Woman 62% Hulk 60% Iron Man 60% Robin 50% Catwoman 50% Batman 45% The Flash 40% You are intelligent, witty, a bit geeky and have great power and responsibility.

Click here to take the "Which Superhero am I?" quiz...
Your results:
You are Mystique Mystique 69% Green Goblin 69% Venom 61% The Joker 61% Apocalypse 59% Riddler 53% Lex Luthor 52% Dr. Doom 50% Mr. Freeze 50% Dark Phoenix 49% Two-Face 49% Magneto 46% Poison Ivy 43% Kingpin 40% Catwoman 39% Juggernaut 25% Sometimes motherly, sometimes a beautiful companion, but most of the time a deceiving vixen.
Click here to take the "Which Super Villain are you?" quiz...

My Blog

I miss my handwriting...

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Posted by cruz on Thu, 27 Dec 2007 10:22:00 PST

a discussion on self-pity..

Self-pity is addicting.  Why is that?  What made it so that wrapping yourself in the thought that things suck for you, is so comforting?  Falsely comforting, sure, and we all know that,...
Posted by cruz on Tue, 03 Jul 2007 07:51:00 PST

Saturday

She sat across from me in an attractive black and yellow dress  a girl who, without that dress and heels, would be quite plain in fact.  I thought perhaps she felt uncomfortable looking so attra...
Posted by cruz on Mon, 02 Jul 2007 05:50:00 PST

wise words and now

wise words once heard said wise words wont weld the wrong wishes once held if the wrong things are felt   trapped in the thought of what's hidden in the talk that was shared but not bared in the...
Posted by cruz on Sun, 03 Jun 2007 01:33:00 PST

a quip

king of the unexpectedqueen of the introspectiveleaves a feeling in my chest that i can't ignorethings that i want escape methings that want me trap mesuck it up, sit up straight, don't quiver, dont s...
Posted by cruz on Mon, 16 Apr 2007 11:55:00 PST

a runon like me and yes i wrote this

you wanna know how i feel i feel like we fucked up sometimes when we planted seeds no not like that you callous zeal but like we werent meant to feel what we feel the world wasnt meant to be paved it ...
Posted by cruz on Sat, 03 Mar 2007 09:31:00 PST

the rock, my rock... something's in my way

i can't move this rockdon't you see what this means?all these things are falling on meand i just want to scream i can't get this rock out of my wayit's what stands between tomorrow and todayi used to ...
Posted by cruz on Sat, 03 Mar 2007 08:23:00 PST

I miss raising my voice // I miss...

I miss raising my voice I miss having no choice To care if I dare to try and not be there You're not here I know, and I don't fear it's not right But it's quiet So damn quiet And this silence is the l...
Posted by cruz on Mon, 12 Feb 2007 10:01:00 PST

i will follow my heart

I think about motivation and I think about you And I think about all the things you didn't do I think about words that were shared and emotions that were bared And I think about all the things you did...
Posted by cruz on Tue, 02 Jan 2007 08:04:00 PST

revolution revelation

i had a revelation todaythatmaybei shouldn't have a revolution today i am a wreck, you seeand all over the world i've trekked, you seetrying to find the accidentthe place where i was where i was last ...
Posted by cruz on Thu, 23 Nov 2006 04:05:00 PST