Narcissistic Psychotic Colorist

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So, just what am I like??? It’s the simple, obvious question, isn’t it? The one everyone always asks you when they want to know you. Well, let’s see, I thrive on energy. On energetic people. On the "catch-me-if-you-can!" That’s the real deal for me. I have posed every which way possible, but now that I know me, & I check in with me often, I know that I just love strong energy. Spiritually, physically, or what ever way it is offered. I am supremely aware of the energy one gives, but most of all, what I send out. I am very direct, I’m very there, yet very removed, not willing to engage beyond the limits. The secret is, just keep people guessing. When you keep someone curious, they always want more. So, I don’t let my total self out to many. Just my energy. Truth be told, there is something surreal about having that way about you. One thing is for sure, you’ll never be alone! It’s all in the energy…how else would a ghetto-fabulous-white-country-boy who ONLY surrounded hismself with the same could appear as a well put together all american guy of the new millennium. Is it that I have everyone fooled? No. I just know what people want. They want energy. So it’s easy. Because of that, I think the hardest & simplest thing to do is interact with me. I make sure that each & every person knows weather or not I am "into" them. But again, that just leaves room for people to want more. It’s actually a very cocky attitude to have. But it is something that has always been there. I just have learned to accept it & use it towards better things. In the same breath, I can describe myself as coy, well-mannered, gracious, & trusting. Just very conscious of boundaries. I protect myself from any experience I cannot foresee. I TRY not to get attached to anything. I want to be able to walk away from any scenario. Laugh now, cry later. No hang up’s! Some "friends" tell me that my view(s) are very "humanly unattached." But I feel I put a ton of effort towards love. The love that I can spread everywhere…or at least where I think it needs to be…where it lacks! On the same token, I am well known for dropping people when I finally get a REAL fill for them. If I get the hunch, or impression, that nothing can go beyond a little conversation, or if I think I could be hurt by this person later on, well, they have to go now. The many faces of a Gemini I guess! I am not one to look back either…I hate the phrase "What can I learn from this." I don’t believe that your mistakes teach you lessons…I just think every now & then, you slip & you fuck up. You know what is right & wrong. You don’t need your own mistake to teach you. Of course, this comes from the control freak that I am. I am without a doubt, bossy, demanding, hard to live with, & down right rude at times. I have a tendency to speak AT YOU. But, here’s what is surprisingly pleasant… I’m very likeable! I am not the comet in the sky blazing down to earth to go kaboom!!! Underneath the meticulous planning that is on-going in my head & on paper, & aside from the air of removal, & the "been there, done that" way of life, I am the one who is actually curious. I am the one who wants more & to know more. Other people’s words keep me alive. It’s people’s love that keeps me going. That is my fuel. I absorb everything about my character from those who are in my life. It feels strange… but strange in a good way. Writing this & the thought process that goes along with it, shows me that the force field around me is difficult to attribute to one certain thing, an intensity of "purpose" that is hard to resist, & that shows me the hunger I have for something greater. That’s the curiousness in me. Perhaps I am a person that fears attachments because I fear endings. Either way, I am just another person…