I'd like to meet:
in this exact order of importance
marie antoinette.
frank sinatra.
stephen colbert.
sarah silverman.
jem and the holograms.
saaphyri.
tiffany pollard.
crystal conners from show girls.
jon bena ramsey's corpse.
tori spelling.
the american gladiators.
katt williams.
beth from pollyworld.
wedgehead- the ugly doll.
doctor girlfriend.
vincent van gogh.
other fellow cult leaders.
mr. boston.
any of bjork's exboyfriends.
elizabeth bathlory.
mitzi naturo
courtney love before rehab.
jesus fucking christ.
and i never met a mirror i didn't adore.
alexxx marriott:
torn from tomorrow's headlines
some helpful advice
[from alexxx marriott] always be on the right side when a photo is taken
(so in print it will read alexxx marriott and "company" were seen at...) know your own aesthetic principles.
be blonde- but only natural looking tones.
hair spray is the new air.
own and love a dog.
always have a clean guestroom in your home.
dont compensate, operate.
talk to me about me a lot and we'll be friends.
put vogue perfume ads in your underwear drawer.
keep a fucking job.
dont mimic other's style- you'll never do it as well.
have multiple sets of best friends.
never trust a slut- they lie, all the time.
eat celery when hungry! celery is almost 100% cellulose.
as a host, you should greet each guest personally and pour their first drink.
always wear sliver if youre blonde.
even if you hate it, know about all current underground/indie music.
have a wide taste in music.
know how to sail and how to play tennis.
carbs are evil.
dont buy drugs from friends.
be known as a wine drinker.
never drink mad dog, thunderbird or wild irish rose.
dont sleep somewhere you dont pay rent to for 3+ days.
its okay if youre an out-of-town guest.
if not, youre just a homeless burden.
smoke perfumed cigarettes.
collect shoes: have at least 20+ pairs.
read color-me-beautiful.
dare to be different with your fashion, while being tasteful.
always bring an unique light jacket to a party, in case somebody is wearing the same shirt.
the secret of becoming a star is knowing how to behave like one.
always make sure you talk to all the little people
you only live as long as your full name is used. (both first and last name)
if youre not the bell of the ball, do drugs will keep you thin and give you something to talk about
never be snobby, just be elite.
dont lie about your salary.
invest in quality good home exercise equipment.
only be seen eatting cake at celebrations.
revenage comes in 31 flavors.
when eating carbs, break off a piece of bread before buttering. eating a whole piece of bread looks tacky.
drink only diet sodas.
take pride in being over-dressed at social gatherings.
be able to paint, sculpt or draw.
always have a signature cologne.
your home should have a signature fragrance as well.
have bright and eclectic furniture.
bleach your teeth twice a year.
have 2 seperate sitting rooms: livingroom and a den.
always have the nicest home of your peers.
never say anything about anyone at a party, unless you want them to know by morning
in summer, always have a warm summer kissed glow.
never go to tanning beds in the winter.
always own at least one set of fine china.
never bite the hand that feeds you.
remember everyone you step on.
know the adjective: kissy
play crab soccer.
have the last laugh...
but dont be the last to laugh.
own lots of mirrors.
big hair can be classic.
don't watch logo.
never use inflatable xxx-mas decor.
own a wii.
if need be: wax. don't shave.
go to new york.
go to new orleans.
go to at least 5 countries overseas.
know how to jet set dress.
fitness is mental too.
make new friends often.
don't deny where ya came from.
you can forgive but don't forget.
send a thank-you note or phone your thanks to the host within 3 days of the party.
beauty is in the eye of the magazine editor
sociopaths are
always top of the food chain
period. use heavy cream conditioners everyday even without shampoo.
be a tease before youre a slut.
never loan money to trannies.
never be proud of being less.
have a gay bar den mother.
make patterns when wall painting.
visit your family once a month.
date boys that look like jesus.
pop kernels for pop corn.
don't be on x-tube.
fill all your bookcase space.
have living plants.
treat every stair is an entrance.
only own original art pieces.
don't be scared to spend lavishly
and finally...
there are two types of people in this world- spoiled ones and then jealous ones. NEVER let your jealousy show, cause nobody can pull off envy green...
just cause i got it all- doesn't mean i have to pity you because you don't. its just our nature, we exist to exlude. -alexxx marriott
isn't it nice?
sugar and spice.
luring disco dollys...
to a life of vice.
