Euterpe Musa

One of those fucking awful black days when nothing is pleasing and everything that happens is an excuse for anger. An outlet for emotions stockpiled, an arsenal, an armour. These are the days when I hate the world, hate the rich, hate the happy, hate the complacent, the TV watchers, beer drinkers, the satisfied ones. Because I know I can be all of those little hateful things and then I hate myself for realising that. There's no preventative, directive or safe approach for living. We each know our own fate. We know from our youth how to be treated, how we'll be received, how we shall end. These things don't change. You can change your clothes, change your hairstyle, your friends, cities, continents but sooner or later your own self will always catch up. Always it waits in the wings. Ideas swirl but don't stick. They appear but then run off like rain on the windshield. One of those rainy day car rides my head implodes, the atmosphere in this car a mirror of my skull. Wet, damp, windows dripping and misted with cold. Walls of grey. Nothing good on the radio. Not a thought in my head.
Lets take life and slow it down incredibly slow, frame by frame with two minutes that take ten years to live out. Yeah, lets do that.
Telephone poles like praying mantras against the sky, metal arms outstretched. So much land travelled so little sense made of it. It doesn't mean a thing all this land laid out behind us. I'd like to take off into these woods and get good and lost for a while. I'm disgusted with petty concerns; parking tickets, breakfast specials. Does someone just have to carry this weight? Abstract typography, methane inconvenience, linear gospel, Nashville sales lady, and torturous lice, mad Elizabeth. Chemotherapy bullshit.
The light within you shines like a diamond mine, like an unarmed walrus, like a dead man face down on the highway. Like a snake eating its own tail, steam turbine, frog farm, two full closets burst open in disarray, soap bubbles in the sun, hospital death bed, red convertible, shopping list, blowjob, deaths head, devils dancing, bleached white buildings, memories, movements, the movie unfeeling, unreeling, about to begin.
I've seen your hallway, you're a darn call away, I've hear your stairs creak. I can fix my mind on your yes, and on your no. I'll film you face today in the sparkling canals, all red, yellow, blue, green brilliance and silver Dutch reflection. Racing thoughts, racing thoughts. All too real, you're moving so fast now I cant hold your image. This image I have of your face by the window, me standing beside you arm on your shoulder. A catalogue of images, flashing glimpses then gone again.
Every clear afternoon now I'll picture you up in the air twisting your heel, your knees up around me, my face in your hair. You scream so well, your smile so loud it still rings in my ears.
Imitation. Distant, tired of longing. Clean white teeth. Stay the course. Hold the wheel. Steer on to freedom. Open all the boxes.
Open all the boxes.
Open all the boxes.
Open all the boxes.
Times Square midday: newspaper buildings, news headlines going around, you watch as they go, and hope that some good comes. Those tree shadows in the park they're all whistling chasing leaves. Around six pm, shadows across cobblestones, girl in front of a bathroom mirror she slowly and carefully and paints her face green and mask like. A portrait. A green stripe. Long shot through apartment window, a monologue on top but no girl in shot. The light within you shines like a diamond mine, like an unarmed walrus, like a dead man face down on the highway. Like a snake eating its own tail steam turbine, frog farm, two full closets burst open in disarray, soap bubbles in the sun, hospital death bed, red convertible, shopping list, blowjob, deaths head, devils dancing, bleached white buildings, memories, movements. The movie unreeling, about to begin.
------------------
The elegant and unprejudiced leap from harmony to another sphere; the trajectory of a word, a cry, thrown into the air like an acoustic disc; to respect all individualities in their folly of the moment, whether serious, fearful, timid, ardent, vigorous, decided or enthusiastic; to strip one's church of every useless and unwieldy accessory; to spew out like a luminous cascade any offensive or loving thought, or to cherish it - with the lively satisfaction that it's all precisely the same thing - with the same intensity in the bush, which is free of insects for the blue-blooded, and gilded with the bodies of archangels, with one's soul. Liberty.
------------------ Escape me?
Never---
Beloved!
While I am I, and you are you,
So long as the world contains us both,
Me the loving and you the loth
While the one eludes, must the other pursue.
My life is a fault at last, I fear:
It seems too much like a fate, indeed!
Though I do my best I shall scarce succeed.
But what if I fail of my purpose here?
It is but to keep the nerves at strain,
To dry one's eyes and laugh at a fall,
And, baffled, get up and begin again,---
So the chace takes up one's life ' that's all.
While, look but once from your farthest bound
At me so deep in the dust and dark,
No sooner the old hope goes to ground
Than a new one, straight to the self-same mark,
I shape me---
Ever
Removed!
------------------ I used to understand 'happy'. I know that I used to be happy; I was really happy. I'm unhappy now and I can't remember what it's like to be happy, I only remember...I don't remember.I remember being happy only in comparison to not being happy, which is what I am now.Why can you scare me? Am I not part of your life any more? Am I not welcome, anymore?
------------------ For so long you've stood facing the setting sun
Mistaking the complementary unified duality of nature as being
Right or Wrong
Good or Evil
God or Devil
Instead of stepping from this ledge into the downfall of your up rise, why not just turn around?
Lessen the intensity of your Western glare and face the rising sun
Note the energy swirling from its centre, how it illumines us all
And only the birds fly first class
There is your inheritance
The warmth of a kiss.
------------------ What does a scanner see? Into the head? Down into the heart? Does it see into me? Into us? Clearly or darkly? I hope it sees clearly because I can't any longer see into myself. I see only murk. I hope for everyone's sake the scanners do better, because if the scanner sees only darkly the way I do, then I'm cursed and cursed again.
------------------ Strange is our situation here on Earth.
Each of us comes for a short visit, not knowing why, yet seeming to divine a purpose.
From the standpoint of daily life, however, there is one thing we do know:
That man is here for the sake of other men - above all for those upon whose smiles and well being our own happiness depends.
------------------ It struck me, the other day, that graffiti is simply modern humanity in the purest and most honest of arts.
Well, I guess I had better put a bit of a blurb about myself (wow, so many plosives in that sentence, it was almost a tongue twister). I'm a musician from Gloucester, you'll be able to find my music nearby if you're clever. I like chatting about anything, but music and art are my passion. I'd love to get messages from anyone who is feeling random enough to send me a message, so please do say hello!
So, myspace deleted all my lovely typing a few months ago, and I didn't feel like typing it all out, so I called on all my fans to draw me some art, with the promise that they would be displayed on my page to fill the space. Needless to say, it arrived in droves.
From the illustrious Leanne:
From the excellent Eleanor:
From the amorous Anna:
From the lovely Lauren:
From the super-cool Steve:
That's a wig, let me assure you!
From the salacious Sally:
From the amazing Alison:
From the mezmerising Megan: