Matt Blanks profile picture

Matt Blanks

So Eden sank to grief, So dawn goes down to day. Nothing gold can stay.

About Me

This is my list of life goals:..... (1)Beat up/get in a fight with an 11-year-old boy..... (2)Jump on clouds like a trampoline...... (3)Ride on a train-track hand car thing...... (4)[crossed out; don't remember] (5)Knock a door off the hinges with my body...... (6)Draw straws for someone's life...... (7)Swing through a window, punch a grown woman lady in the face so that she goes through another window...... (8)Strut out of court with my shirt open...... (9)Eat beef jerkey on a bridge with a midget...... (10)Punch a young Shirley Temple in the face...... (11)Eat cereal with a bunch of little Japanese girls...... (12)Pull the arrow out of my body (from war)...... (13)ROUND-HOUSE KICK BIRD IN MID-FLIGHT...... (14)Expose myself to space (in space)...... (15)Break pool cue in anger. (16)Convince Ted Nugent to start his own internet so domains can have the suffix .nuge (yahoo.nuge, myspace.nuge, fluffykittenswithbigeyes.nuge, etc.) (17)Date-rape a centaur (this one, upon popular request, is being amended. I will no longer try to date-rape a centaur. It has been pointed out to me that date-rape is wrong. I just figured it was the only way to get a centaur to have sex with me, which I guess is selling myself short. So now, my concentration will be focused on seducing a centaur, which is way more work.)

My Interests

I paint. Look at it here: mattblanksart.com .Also, I'm in this Of Montreal video, which is cool. I'm the big, Bacchus motherfucker chucking the little guy. (apparently my only "general interest" is self-promotion. I'm cool with that.)

I'd like to meet:



Music:

Boston, Junior Boys, Basement Jaxx, New Order, Ratatat, LCD Soundsystem, the Knife, Yacht, Rod Stewart, most Yacht rock (doobies, mcdonalds, logginses, halls and oatses) Daft Punk, Annie, Hot Chip, XTC, Arthur Russell, Linda Ronstadt, MIA, T.V. on the Radio, the Go! Team, T.Rex, Supertramp, the Cure, BLOW, Zap Mama, I'm all about Blood, Sweat, & Tears AND Chicago (despite what that fuck Rudy says) Cornelius, Depeche Mode, Fleetwood mac, Kylie Minogue, The Jesus and Mary Chain, the Avalanches, Feist, Kate Bush, Smog, Steely Dan, Joanna Newsom, Television, Os Mutantes, Broadcast, ABBA, the Smiths, Sigur Ros, Frank Zappa, Devotchka, Joy Division, Blondie, Foreigner, Asia, Journey, Kansas, Toto, Styx. I can seriously fuck up some 3 Dog Night.

Movies:

The Outsiders, Reds, Night of the Hunter, Battle Royale, Do the Right Thing, Badlands, Coal Miner's daughter, The Apartment, all Christopher Guest stuff, most of Dario Argento, The Ice Storm, The Legend of Billie Jean, Mr. Smith goes to Washington, anything by David Gordon Green, John Waters, Billy Madison, The Iron Giant, Wet Hot American Summer, Borat

Television:

Heroes, Flight Of The Conchords, The Wire, Sifl and Olly, The Sopranos, That's So Raven, Twin Peaks, Arrested Development, The Avengers (the ones with Diana Rigg and Patrick Macnee); I fucking hate LOST (just wanted to throw that in)

Books:

The Elegant Universe-Greene; The Ice Storm-Moody; Barrel Fever-Sedaris; Wind Up Bird Chronicle-Murakami; The Book of the Dun Cow-Wangerin; Autobiography of Red-Carson; The World That Jones Made-K. Dick; His Dark Materials-Pullman; American Gods-Gaiman; David Boring-Clowes; Jimmy Corrigan-Ware; Persepolis-Satrapi; Harry P.-Rowling; I, Tina-Tina Turner & Kurt Loder; ANYTHING by alan moore

Heroes:

Jim J Bullock, Elton John, Divine, Charles Nelson Reilly, Paul Lynde, Anderson Cooper, Ed Koch, Neil Patrick Harris, Freddy Mercury, Lance Bass, Peter Lorre, Marlon Brando, t.r. knight, Arthur Russell, Stephen Merritt, Liberace, Fred Schneider, Merchant/Ivory, Ziegfried/Roy, Langston Hughes, Charles Laughton, Rock Hudson, George Takei, Montgomery Clift, Oscar Wilde, Emo Phillips, Walt Whitman, Graham Chapman, J. Edgar Hoover, Scott Thompson, the brady bunch dad, Francis Bacon, Cole Porter, Tchaikovsky, Truman Capote, Vito Spatafore.............................

My Blog

MorphThing - my new favorite website

My new favorite website: morphthing.com. They morph people.Me and Jessica AlbaMe and Ewan McGregor (I think we look like a young Ian McKellan)Me and a lionMe and Daniel Craig (we totally look like Ed ...
Posted by Matt Blanks on Sun, 09 Sep 2007 08:37:00 PST

A Brief History of Wasted Time Pt.2

More from my summer of stream-of-consciousness style notes I took in a history class. For a better description, see Part 1.The True Man made waste until he collapsed. Weeping forces took China until e...
Posted by Matt Blanks on Fri, 07 Sep 2007 06:57:00 PST

A Brief History of Wasted Time Pt.1

In 2001, I was in Auburn and in the middle of another failed attempt to get excited about college, and I was taking a core World History class. Attendance was a substantial part of the grade. For the ...
Posted by Matt Blanks on Thu, 06 Sep 2007 08:48:00 PST

I wanna fornicate that Heroes cheerleader.

Yeah, so I'm a  mo. Big mo. But, um, I can't help it. That girl, that cheerleader girl from heroes, Hayden Pantera or something, is just about the cutest girl I ever saw. She's ridiculous. So I k...
Posted by Matt Blanks on Thu, 30 Aug 2007 06:08:00 PST

I just got Adam Ant’s name

this is really embarrassing, but I feel like I have to own this. Just the other day, in the year 2007, I got the pun in Adam Ant's name. Adamant. I just got that. I am stupid.
Posted by Matt Blanks on Wed, 22 Aug 2007 08:23:00 PST

Be it yellow or brown...

See, I work with these hippy-type folks who adhere to a water conservation adage pertaining to the toilet that goes like this: "If it's yellow, let it mellow. If it's brown, flush it down." So, a long...
Posted by Matt Blanks on Sun, 30 Apr 2006 07:34:00 PST

I ate a queen bee larva

Today at my job, this girl brought in five small honeycomb buds with the gestating larva of would-be honeybee queens. See, only one gets to be queen, and in a managed hive like my friend's, you gotta ...
Posted by Matt Blanks on Tue, 25 Apr 2006 09:29:00 PST