@ Long Beach City College, 9/25/07

Professional stand-up comedian, shepherd, cobbler, chimney sweep, and an annual "Sweepstakes Finalist." Have also worked as a stuntman on The Simpsons, and make extra money part-time as a pool boy for Oprah. Can't wait to make it big so I can hang out at the Playboy Mansion with legendary celebrities such as Scott Baio, Kato Kaelin, and Jon Lovitz. My turn-ons include writing poetry, Broadway musicals, long walks on the beach, candles, making scrapbooks, fruity drinks with umbrellas, and ambidextrious midgets with club feet. I'm hung like a black guy, but unfortunately it's Gary Coleman. I'm looking for a woman who is real, genuine, comfortable in her own skin, not afraid to be herself, and has huge fake boobs.The school's sports teams are called the Bruins, with colors "true blue" and gold. The Bruins participate in NCAA Division I-A as part of the Pacific Ten Conference. Two notable sports facilities serve as home venues for UCLA sports. The Bruin football team plays home games at the Rose Bowl in Pasadena, California; the team won a national title in 1954. The men's and women's basketball and volleyball teams play at Pauley Pavilion on campus.The Bruin mascots are Joe and Josephine Bruin, and the fight songs are Sons of Westwood and Mighty Bruins. The alma mater is Hail to the Hills of Westwood.When Henry R. "Red" Sanders came to UCLA to coach football in 1949, the uniforms were redesigned. Sanders added a gold loop on the shoulders—the UCLA Stripe. The navy blue was changed to a lighter shade of blue. Sanders figured that the baby blue would look better on the field and in film. He dubbed the baby blue uniform "Powder Keg Blue," powder blue with an explosive kick.UCLA is competitive in all major Division I-A sports and, as of 2006, has won 120 national championships, including 99 NCAA championships, more than any other university.[25] Among these championships, some of the more notable victories are in men's basketball. Under legendary coach John Wooden, UCLA men's basketball teams won 10 NCAA championships, including a record seven consecutive, in 1964, 1965, 1967, 1968, 1969, 1970, 1971, 1972, 1973, and 1975, and an 11th was added under then-coach Jim Harrick in 1995. From 1971 to 1974, UCLA men's basketball won an unprecedented 88 consecutive games. Past rosters of UCLA sports teams have been filled with such greats such as Jackie Robinson, Gail Goodrich, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, Bill Walton, Baron Davis, Reggie Miller, and Troy Aikman.In regards to UCLA basketball and its high expectations, former UCLA basketball player and current Seattle Supersonics player Earl Watson commented, "Eleven national championships, the best coach to coach the game says a lot [John Wooden]. I take offense to those who act like UCLA is just another school compared to Duke. Duke is a great school in the east, but UCLA is worldwide."UCLA has also shown dominance in men's volleyball, with 19 national championships. All 19 teams were led by current coach Al Scates, which ties him with John McDonnell of the University of Arkansas as NCAA leader for national championships in a single sport.In addition to its basketball and volleyball championships, UCLA has won NCAA Division I championships in the following events:Men's sports: Golf (1), Gymnastics (2), Soccer (4), Swimming (1), Tennis (16), Track & Field (8), Water Polo (8).Women's sports: Golf (2), Gymnastics (5), Softball (10), Track & Field (5), Volleyball (3), Water Polo (4).UCLA also won a title in Division I-A Football in 1954, however the NCAA does not award a championship for football.UCLA has medaled in every Olympic Games they have participated in. In the 2004 Athens games, UCLA sent 56 athletes, more than any other university, who won 19 medals.UCLA shares a traditional sports rivalry with the nearby University of Southern California. The Lexus Gauntlet is the name given to a competition between UCLA and USC in the 18 varsity sports that both compete in head-to-head; in 2006, USC won the Lexus Gauntlet Trophy.
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