Gator

I'd like to meet:

Music:

I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney, Wilma...

Movies:

If a lifetime of watching movies has taught me anything at all, it's to MAKE SURE that a captured secret agent is dead BEFORE you walk away from your miscellaneous torture device. That, and to always look behind you when you hear menacing violin music begin to play.

Television:

Remember that guy on PBS that used to wear that bodysuit with all the organs on it? I bet he really freaks people out when he wears that thing while making fries at Burger King these days...

Books:

Last week I ate a 5th Avenue bar on 5th Avenue while little kids eating Snickers bars snickered at me. It was probably that whole "irony" thing.

Heroes:

I have the world's largest collection of seashells. I keep it on all the beaches of the world . . . you may have seen it.
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Why is it, "A penny for your thoughts," but, "you have to put your two cents in?" Somebody's making a penny.
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It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it.
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If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happen if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
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My school colors were clear. We used to say, "I'm not naked, I'm in the band."
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I can levitate birds. No one seems to care.
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If all the nations in the world are in debt, where did all the money go?
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I went into a 7-11 and asked for a 2x4 and a box of 3x5's. The clerk said, "ten-four."
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The ice cream truck in my neighborhood plays "Helter Skelter."
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For my birthday I got a humidifier and a dehumidifier... I put them in the same room and let them fight it out.
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I'm moving to Mars next week, so if you have any boxes...
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Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before.
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Wouldn't it be nice if there was a product that combined both hair conditioning and air conditioning, leaving you with sexy yet manageable ice-cold hair?
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If there is one thing I've learned, it is this: When the cops come to your door, make sure you're not wearing just an undershirt. It's like a free ticket to jail.
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They may call it "Ant and Roach Killer," but it also does quite a number on birds if you spray them long enough.
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Instead of showering this morning, I climbed into my oven and set it on "self cleaning mode." Big mistake.
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Hey, remember that guy who spent 33 years living in a tree to get the World Record so that he'd always be remembered? Me neither.
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Given the recent trends in music, I would like to officially predict that the #1 singer of 2015 will be a Latin computer-generated 8 year old with artificial breasts the size of two VolksWagon bugs.
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