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[email protected] or [email protected] READ OR FEEL THE WRATH OF MIKE DOJA THE IIIAnd if my LAST blog wasn't enough quality reading for you...read this!
Little Known Facts About Chuck Norris.1. Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.3. Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.4. Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.6. Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.
(look closely - you can TOTALLY tell which one he is!!)7. Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"
(him watching the plane fall...woah...he looks ticked...)8. When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.
--- after a super long game...his hair stylist came in to help him regain composure, and loose some of those unruly locks.9. Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and saying "booya".
(he even teases women over the phone...totally just opens the phone book and starts dialing.) "Booya". Click. "Booya". Click.10. Before each filming of Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris is injected with five times the lethal dose of elephant tranquilzer. This is, of course, to limit his strength and mobility, in an attempt to lower the fatality rate of the actors he fights.
---- Quote: Chuck Norris.11. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.12. When Chuck Norris's wife burned the turkey one Thanksgiving, Chuck said, "Don't worry about it honey," and went into his backyard. He came back five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse kick to the face and said, "Never question Chuck Norris."
(seen thru a turkey's eyes. this moment was captured after Chuck upchucked Thanksgivin' eats.)13. Chuck Norris owns all the women in the world, and he will sure as hell own you, too. If you're thinking to yourself, "That's impossible, no one owns me.", then you are wrong. dead wrong.
----he just bought that family. Look how happy they are. Weird.14. Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
--- just look at that confidence. NBC has no chance.15. Chuck Norris once tried to sue Burger King after they refused to put razor wire in his Whopper Jr., insisting that that actually is "his" way.
(BK owner Robert Smith running out of court settlement after a roundhouse to the face)
I love these musicians:
Esteban is so beautiful.
George Benson is my biggest influence.
This is for B Nasty.
The Kings.
So beautiful.
The Who
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