Just a few of the many reasons why you are obsessed with me:
- One of my friends told me that she felt that I was rude upon first hearing the news that she was pregnant. Apparently, I said, "That was stupid." In my defense, it really was.
- A friend informed me that he would much rather be dating me than his girlfriend on Valentine's day. "You would be the best valentine's day girlfriend cause I wouldn't have to worry about a present. I could just get you a carton of cigarettes and a hug and you would be happy." I started to get mad at him, then I realized that it was true.
- My least favourite pick up line is any variation of the "Let's have breakfast sometime" line. I hate it. See below for my favourite pick up line.
- Hockey is my new favorite sport. I don't really understand the rules, but it is fun to watch men skate around with sticks trying to hit a little black puck into a net.
- I prefer my coffee black.
- I have the ability to look good in anything, though my preferences fall towards vintage dresses.
- I never have bobby pins when I need them.
- I had my first kiss when I was in kindergarten. I can't remember the name of the boy that kissed me. I can, however, remember the name of the boy who threatened to tell on us. His name was Lance.
- Everytime I see something that says "Mean people suck." I think to myself, "Well, duh!"
- I would like to spend more time in San Francisco.
- I was talking to a man I know the other day and he ended the conversation with, "you look great, by the way." I thanked him and walked out to my car. I checked myself out in the rearview mirror and thought to myself, "I do look great, dont I?" I then realized that I really need to get over myself.
- All the guys that I used to not like because I thought that they were not hot, grew up to be hot. I'm going to start being nice to guys who are not hot. Maybe they will change. Maybe I just used to have bad taste in men.
- I used to think that it would be cool to start my own hotel chain, like the Marriott or the Hilton. I just don't believe that anyone would want to stay in the Chavez.
- I found Jesus! He was hiding behind a potted plant in my living room.
- I go to gay bars when I am getting over a break up. I've found that gay men are nice to brokenhearted girls.
- According to Cosmo, I should be married.
- I once went somewhere with this really annoying guy who talked too much. I met some cool people there. I discussed how annoyed I was with said guy. They asked me why I didn't just ditch him. I explained to them that I had left my sunglasses in his tent and that I really liked that pair. I don't think they understood. I ended up ditching that guy later that night. My sunglasses weren't worth it. He ended up bringing them back to me a few days later. It was awkward.
- I don't like people who like everything. I think that they are assholes. There has to be something that you hate. It makes you human. (damn hippies)
- My latest addiction is computer solitaire. I play Vegas style because I am convinced that if I win on the computer I will win when I go to Vegas. I've never actually seen a casino that has solitaire that you can bet on.
- My best friend is in Georgia. This makes me very sad.
- I've probably already forgotten why I am mad at you. So if we are fighting and you see me and I seem really friendly, just let me know what's going on.
- I think my hair looks best after I douse it in saltwater and then bake it dry in the sun.
- If I'm driving and really bored I start asking musicians questions. This works really well with Avril Lavigne. I ask her, "How's the weather out there Avril?" She responds with, "It's a DAMN cold night!" I chastise her for being so hostile. She's probably just angry because every time she asks, "Did you think that I was gonna give it up to you?" I answer with, "Yes, you little slut."
- I stole knitting needles out of the lost and found at work. They were the really good $20 kind.
- I have yet to meet a guy named Adam that I truly like. They all seem really nice at first, but it doesn't take long to discover that they are actually assholes.
- I managed to meet a straight, good-looking guy with a real job in the women's restroom at a club.
- I like it when I come across the myspace profile of someone I know and their interests include philosophy, deep conversations, and debating. This is made better by the fact that the people that write this are usually the stupidest people that I know.
- Periwinkle, Periwinkle, Periwinkle. Coolest word in the English Language.
- I will never understand why hot guys hang out in packs.
- I forgot to wear underwear today... and that time last week.
- My friend and I went to get some wings from Domino's. After we ordered we went outside and sat on some steps nearby. Fortunately, they deliver. I am now worried that they will try to deliver to that stoop next time I order to my house.
- My favorite pick up line is "Hi."
- I was caught complaining to a coworker that without my best friend around, I had no one to talk shit with.
- My outfit is amazing.
- I often get my hair stuck in car windows.
- I was once pulled over in Utah for speeding and was almost arrested for Accessory to Murder. In case you're wondering, I didn't do it.
- I hate nearly all pictures of me.
- Apparently, my body can tolerate a maximum of two beers. Anything over that and I am fall down drunk.
- I want to be an extra in a movie, but not just any extra. I want to be the person that the hero bumps into. You know that person. They always turn around and say, "Hey! Watch it!" I think that would be fun.
- I find watching Sex and The City comforting.
- I'm really disappointed that real pirates are nothing like movie pirates. If all pirates were like movie pirates, I would sign up in an instant. Movie pirates rule!
- One time I was driving with a friend at night. She didn't have any windshield fluid and the sleet was freezing on her windshield. Seeing as we had a bottle of rum in the trunk and alcohol supposedly doesn't freeze, I suggested we use it. So there we were, two underaged kids on the side of the highway at 2 am rubbing rum all over her car. My incredible idea didn't even work.
- I flirt with DJs in order to get free stuff.
- Once, I sang "My Heart Will Go On" at Karaoke.
- Sometimes, when digging through my purse for ID's or change condoms fall out. This is more embarrassing for people watching than it is for me.
- That time I told you that I lost your number, I was lying.
- I really do have a closet full of clothing and nothing to wear.
- I fell in the fountain outside of my old job once. It happened when I was doing a little dance around the edge. My boss had to send me home because I was dripping all over the hardwood floor.
- If hot guys are in the car next to me at a stop light, I pretend that I have stick shift. I think that it makes me look cooler.
- When I watch shows like "The Amazing Race" or "Survivor" I like to imagine that I would do things differently. I say that I wouldn't fight with people and that I would be helpful to everyone. The truth is though, I wouldn't. I'd be just as bad as everyone else. I'd also be eliminated pretty quickly because I run like a retard.
- I will pretend that I am drunk if it gets me out of talking to you.
- I made out with your boyfriend.
- I like burnt hot dogs.
- I used to want to be a Victoria's Secret model. I became really good at mimicking the women in the old ad where they danced around in what seemed to be a giant stocking. I am happy to say that I now have higher aspirations.
- People like to comment on my eyes. I've often been told that I have very intense eyes. A friend once told me that I had sad eyes. We began to argue about whether my eyes were sad or intense, or maybe just normal. We asked another friend what kind of eyes I have. He became flustered. "Um, brown?" he responded before running away. The argument was then ended so my friend and I could discuss what just happened.
- I cried for an hour after watching Brokeback Mountain. Other movies that I cried during (though not for an hour): A Very Long Engagement, Band of Brothers, The Lion King, The Family Stone, The Graduate, Sense and Sensibility, and Legally Blonde. I know that last one is a little wierd. Sometimes I just get really emotional.
- My favourite muffins are banana nut. Knowing this it is odd that I couldn't come up with a favourite type of bagel for the little survey above. I just ended up changing the survey so that I could answer the question.
- My phone has a tendency to break down. As a result of this I keep all the phone numbers that I really want written down. If you are not in paper. You are not cool enough for me.
- I used to want to be a Hooters girl.
- I might have the hots for your brother.
- I think the guy in those energy commercials is hot. You know, the one where all the power goes out only to come back on after about two seconds and a speech from the hottie.
- I finally bought a digital camera. I was going to buy a really nice one but the lady at Best Buy was rude to me. As a result, I went to Walmart and bought whatever was cheap.
- I don't have a diet plan. Instead, I have a car with no air conditioning. I gain weight during the winter.
- I've given up on trying to get fired. I guess I am meant to work at a bookstore for my entire life.
- I don't think your child is cute or charming in anyway.
- I have a thing for guys with blue eyes. If I could get over this, I might never have my heart broken again.
- Diamonds make me sad.
- You're not that cute.
- I am addicted to Easy Cheese. This addiction began after one fateful night in Denver with my best friend. I will blame her for this addiction for the rest of my life. I told her about this. She doesn't seem to mind.
- While driving the other day, Lindie and I see a girl in the backseat of a car smoking. It seems like it is her mother and grandmother sitting in the front seats. She appears to be about sixteen years old. I wonder aloud whether they refer to her with pride as, "Our little chimney."
- At lunch I tell a friend that on another day I had overheard the most asinine conversation about how men don't change the toilet paper roll. The women next to us begin to have an equally asinine conversation about how men don't clean the bathroom floor.
- I had a dream that I was pregnant. I looked this up on an .. dreamer's dictionary. It said that an idea or project that I was working on would develop. I then found a book of dream definitions. This book said that dreaming that you are pregnant means that you will be unhappy with your husband and you will have ugly babies. I'm sticking with the first definition.
- I saw an ex for the first time in a long time the other day. He completely broke my heart then he stopped talking to me entirely when he started dating someone new. So when I saw him I wasn't expecting him to talk to me. He did. After our short exchange I was reminded by a friend to try not to look so shocked when people speak to me.
- It has come to my attention that people in the United States like Australian accents and that people in Australia like our accents. I am going to set up an .. significant other exchange where people in the United States can just trade their boyfriend or girlfriend for an Australian one and vice versa.
- I remember most of my dreams.
- Sometimes I get far too intoxicated for my own good. People have to take care of me and they usually end up letting me crash on their couches. If you are one of those people, you get to be in my Top 8. I hope one day I can do the same for you.
- My Grandmother thinks that I am past my prime.
- The drunker I get, the better I think I look. This leads to many discussions about how wonderful my boobs are.
- I like the really really bad reality shows. I am addicted to: The Simple Life: Til Death Do Us Part, America's Next Top Model, and The Girls Next Door.
- Tilt-a-whirl kicks ass!
- I want Skeeball to become the kind of sport that you can get sponsors for. I would become a professional skeeball player in an instant.
*****
A few things that I want to do before I die:
1) Try Apple Pie (I have a weird fear of pie fruit)
2) Hike the Appalachian Trail
3) Backpack around Europe
4) Go to Carnival in Brazil
5) Go to Mardi Gras in New Orleans
6) Celebrate New Year's Eve in Times Square
7) Learn how to surf
8) Ride the sand dunes (I don't know why I haven't done this yet. Right now there is too much snow.)
9) Be an extra in a movie
10) Try out for a Broadway play
11) Have dreadlocks
12) Be a blonde again
13) Get George Clooney to buy me a drink
14) Finish my quilt
15) Go to Australia
16) Backpack around Latin America
17) Be someone's backup singer, just for one night
18) Make out with someone famous
19) Immigrate
20) Learn a foreign language
21) Publish something
22) Make money doing something I would have done anyway
23) Go to Burning Man again
24) Have purple hair
25) Be on Conan O'Brian
26) Go to Africa and help out there
27) Be someone's backup dancer, just for one night
28) Live on a boat for at least a week
29) Try that Pop Rocks and Soda thing
30) Adopt a child
31) Give up driving for a whole year
32) Live cheaply
33) Attend a real live ball
34) See the Yankees play at Yankee Stadium
35) Find the perfect outfit
36) Change someone's life
37) Learn how to do my makeup (I always think that it looks weird)
38) Climb a volcano (maybe I will sing that Jimmy Buffet song while I do it)
39) Help someone escape
40) Work on a farm
41) Ride Tilt-a-whirl until I get sick
42) Save up enough tickets to buy one of those big prizes at the arcade
43) Win big in Vegas
44) See the Golden Gate Bridge (it was too foggy to see it last time I was near it)
45) Drive through a Redwood
46) Try Creme Brulee
47) Enter a contest that I know I can't win
48) Jump up and down on the elevator in the Empire State Building
49) Party at the Playboy Mansion
50) Buy a real Sari
