CHASE, YOU AND TEAâ„¢

Talk to me.
Observe me.
Experience life with me.
And you'll know everything you need to know about me.
Like that I have 10 fingers and toes, 2 nipples, something of a soul, and few undiscovered super powers.
Or you can just be lazy and read this shit:
Under most circumstances I would let the universe describe that which I am and am not but I'll give it a whirl. If you are interested, you will proceed and if you aren't well, go read a book or something. It’s probably more interesting than all this bullshit anyway.
So how should I begin? And how should I presume? I mean, really I'm just another bohemian fellow. I suppose there is no better way to start things off than with some off-the-wall things about me. I like eating Trix yogurt, drinking Capri Sun, and my 1962 AMF Roadmaster bicycle, aptly named Doris Day, is my most loyal companion. I like writing letters to Frito-Lay begging them to bring back Doritos 3Ds Jalapeño & Cheddar chips. Whenever I go to the grocery store, I steal a balloon used to mark items on sale and set it free outside after making a wish. I'm constantly suffering from premonitions and a daily dosage of déjà vu's. I always start the day off by listening to the Scissor Sister's "I Don't Feel Like Dancing" and end it with The Beatle's "Goodnight." I slip in and out of different accents and dialects throughout the day. You’ll get used to it. I sometimes skip class to fly a kite and I feel like the most interesting people I've come across are the characters in movies and TV shows. I'm obsessed with Grey's Anatomy. I'm the one who use's Grey's to escape my own life (I do this with Friends, too) and Meredith's narration as mental therapy. If it weren't for this show, I'd actually have to start paying someone for therapy. I also really like tea, scarves, a good salad, atmospheric lighting, jewelry from all over the world, and changing the design of my facial hair monthly. I despise the number seven, M. Night Shyamalan, all Apple® products, eating anything from the sea, and Arby commercials freak me out. I'm someone who is spiritually connected with water. I find peace and serenity by submersing myself underneath its flickering surface to a silent meditation for long periods of time. When I was younger, I believed I was Harold "Sparks" Bride, a junior Morse Code radio operator on the Titanic, in my former life. I'm not religious and I don't believe in God. However, if Morgan Freeman came out and revealed he was actually God, I'd start going to church. I don't like pausing movies when I leave the room. If we can't push pause on our life, why do it to theirs? But I do believe in rewinding and fast forwarding because that's like time traveling and time traveling I'd like to think is possible. I also cry when flowers die and I usually arrange funerals for them. My life goal is, by the time I'm 30, to have gone one mile while bouncing on a Hippity Hop. O, and I was once possessed by the spirit of an 82 year-old woman who had unfinished business. And one day, I wanna be really good friends with Sinbad. Nice to meet you!
But on a more serious and less humorous note, I am me and that is who I am. I am nothing, but I am everything. I am no one, but I am everyone. I am these words, but I am the silence between. I am someone; whatever I dream and hope. I am me and that is the beginning and the end - no apologies, no regrets. My vivaciousness, individualism, kind-heartedness, and perpetual sarcasm tend to be some of my more noticeable attributes but I remain fluent in the language of my imperfection. Then again, I think we are all hopelessly flawed. "Let it be" has become a personal mantra of mine lately. I'm not a hipster or trend setter. Instead, I try to stay down to earth and receptive to other people and their opinions without letting them compromise my own vision. I analyze everyone and everything, and directness and honesty still have a place in the world as far as I'm concerned. In spite of my struggle to stay realistic when it comes to life, because I have a tendency to live life in two states of existence — the world of reality and the world inside my head, I have those idealist moments. I also have the driest, most wicked, and deliciously devious sense-of-humor you will ever come across.
OK, besides wanting to be this and that, and a globetrotter one day too, I am done now. If you've read this far, I shall consider you either devoted to me or lying. Either way, you're screwed.
[Exeunt.]a