Erin

"I bring you good news.I, uh, I don't know if you noticed and I don't think most Americans did, that we had a moment in time, really, a few months ago, that was really special for us as a people, because we were able to stop as a group, which is almost impossible, because whenever we stop as a group, we never focus. And for the first time, we were able to focus, as a whole group of people. Usually we stop, and we form a group, you know, and then we break off into discussion groups. But this time, as one, all of us, were able to finally look together and see exactly where all the problems really of the last few years have come from. And that obviously, is Janet Jackson's breast. It's the only explanation for the fact that everyone stopped on a dime and went 'LOOK AT THAT TIT!!' As if none of us had ever seen one before. Almost as a complete shock to all of us. I wasn't so shocked that a breast appeared at the Super Bowl halftime show, because I've watched every Super Bowl halftime show, and so I knew that something was always around the corner. I watch every Super Bowl because, you see, I have no religion, and I think it's important for man to have a ritual, and the Super Bowl takes place on Sunday, and that's when most people gather to worship, so I, in a way, am trying. And just before the game starts, I say 'Thank God'. I really watch the Super Bowl for the halftime show because you could go into a coma for a year, and wake up, and watch the halftime show, and it will tell you all you need to know about how far down America is in the SHITTER! The first Super Bowl halftime show was simple, it was beautiful. They did what you do at a halftime show... they got two college bands, they came out on the field, they did what a college band does- they played, you know, played 'Old McDonald had a farm E I E I O! With a pig pig here and a pig pig there' and they formed pigs and ran at each other and exploded! And those were beautiful times. But then each year they added just a little more, just a little more, just a little more. A star here, another band there, holding... the audience held placards at one point- it was unbelievable. Always trying to make it a bigger and bigger show. And then, I knew things had taken a turn for the worse when three years ago they hired MTV to do the halftime show and, you know, why would you hire MTV to do music? MTV has nothing to do with music, ok? MTV is to music as KFC is to chicken. MTV is video, and video goes where? In your EYE! Music goes in your EAR. Ear, eye, eye, ear... BIG FUCK DIFFERENCE! Music is like a drug, when you hear it, you have a vision, and that vision can change over time or remain the same. You know, that first time when you're in love and you hear a love song and you think, every time you think about it, you have that vision of your special someone, and then two years later, after you broke up you're at the bar. And you hear that song and you go 'Son of a bitch. I'll have a Jager.'"-Lewis Black