OCD, ADD, OPP
People with so much shit on their page I can’t read a word of it. Women who think that I think that they’re interested when they tell me to check out their pay website. Some rocker dude who wants to let me know about his lame band (if possible, please have your piece-of-shit demo playing at full volume when I click on your page). Some asshole I didn’t even talk to in high school who needs a place to crash when he’s in LA. That asshole’s sister. Girls who think it’s funny/cool to say they’re bisexual. Any smiling blonde whose favorite music is “Everything…except country!†People with 40 friends, 37 of which are radio stations. Asian swingers (especially ones that don’t respond to my emails). Anyone whose “People I’d like to Meet†lists people who are no longer alive (I don’t get? I mean, how is that even POSSIBLE?). Strippers who can't spell "you're". People who are 99 years old (Amazing...you don't look a day older than 53!) Any female whose page consists of fifty photos of her and her girlfriends smiling with their cheeks touching. I’ll think of more later…
Elvis (Costello and the other one), Bowie, Pixies, Beatles, Iggy, Lou Reed, The Kinks, Elliott Smith, Rufus Wainwright, Prince, Scissor Sisters, Geto Boys, Roxy Music, The Faces, Everly Brothers, Rolling Stones, Beach Boys (before that Kokomo shit), Eno, Franz Ferdinand, Louvin Brothers, Lucinda Williams, Run-D.M.C., Ray Parker, Sr. (fuck Ray Parker, Jr.!), Neil Young, Nine Pound Hammer, Dolly Parton, Velvet Underground, Pavement, old R.E.M., The Replacements
The Big Lebowski, Sunset Boulevard, Windy City Heat, Trapped in the Closet (Chapters 1-12), The Room, Pee Wee's Big Adventure, Modern Romance
The Office (UK), Arrested Development, Kids Say the Dumbest Shit
Portnoy's Complaint, Last Train to Memphis, In Cold Blood, Please Kill Me, The Book of Sudoku, Easy Riders, Raging Bulls, Conversations with Wilder, The Big Sleep
Albert Brooks, Bob Dylan, John Lennon, Ricky Gervais, Billy Wilder, Andy Kaufman, Sam Bowie, Philip Roth, whoever invented Imodium A-D (fuck you, diarrhea!)