The details of my life are quite inconsequential... very well, where do I begin? My father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery. My mother was a fifteen year old French prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet. My father would womanize, he would drink. He would make outrageous claims like he invented the question mark. Sometimes he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy. The sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament. My childhood was typical. Summers in Rangoon, luge lessons. In the spring we'd make meat helmets. When I was insolent I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds- pretty standard really. At the age of twelve I received my first scribe. At the age of fourteen a Zoroastrian named Vilma ritualistically shaved my testicles. There really is nothing like a shorn scrotum... it's breathtaking- I highly suggest you try it.
"I'm not talking about aliens. But there's something out there, something stupid."
My real name is Adam. I would love to fill my glass with a mix of sweet and smart ass. I do not believe it's impossible for me to be happy. There isn't any clear reason in view that anyone shouldn't identify with me on some level. I strive to be a person that you would be proud to know. I'm a universal friend that you can take drag along with through the years and a million beers, or something like that. I don't talk any certain way, I don't act any certain way, I don't consider myself any different from a common working guy with big plans and enormous heart. See, now you probably thought I was trying to sound like totally punk, but alas, I threw you off with the enormous heart thing. Excellent things come in all shapes and sizes, so, whatever. I'm always looking for it I suppose, you know, fulfillment...but if I had been satisfied all my life, I would probably be half as interesting. Get your mind out of my gutter. I'm an alright guy, I'll make you smile. I do tend to procrastinate and live with the philosophy of, "I'll cross that bridge when I come to it." I'm not totally worry free, I just don't fret over practical short term things. My hesitations about what I cannot predict usually linger for a couple of days before I screw my head back on, pick up the pieces, and bounce. I'm not really attracted too an overabundance of cuteness, I don't know, something about it makes me uncomfortable. One more big thing, I'm trying to express complete thoughts in as few words as possible from now on. With that, goodbye. Enjoy this juicy lurkage.
