If I'd only known

I'd like to meet:

Music:

Dows' story.......do not worry I wont start from the beginning. I'll just start from October 28, 2007. I do not remember what day it was exactly that we walked into Reynolds Army Hospital at 2 am. All I can do is tell you what I remember and hopefully it will be close to right. Two days prior to the above date. Dow went to school on Wednesday. He was so cute his little sock hat and jacket. Gotta keep those ears covered. No ear infections this year. I dropped him off about 30 minutes until 8. I then got home changed clothes and got ready for work. I went in at 8 and worded my day. Shuffling papers and working with kiddos. I left work and went to the station and did some paperwork. I got a call on my way home that Dow was running a really high fever. I picked him up and took him home. Gave him tylenol and ibuprofen. I called the ambulance to check him out a few hours later. His fever broke and all seemed okay. We slept on the couch snuggled as close as peas in a pod. I held him all night and all afternoon just snuggling making him dinner. Giving him popsicles. We just layed there arm in arm watching tv. The next morning he was fussy but, he took his bath and got dressed. I took him in late sometime around 9 I got to work. I told them if he looked bad to just give me a call. Around 11 I was called by the daycare another fever. I raced home changed clothes and picked him up. I can not tell you why this felt so different, but it did. When I got there he was laying in a pile of pillows quivering and whimpering. My heart broke. I took him to the Hospital who wouldn't of. That is what a good parent does right? They take their child to the Dr. So we waited saw his doctor and they put him on an antibiotic. I stayed home with him Friday snuggled up on the couch watching tv. He played some not much though. I had work to turn in at school so mom and dad kept him Saturday. Late that night I had to pick him up and take him to the E.R. They admitted him with Pneumonia. I thought well a few days and we will go home. We were there 4 days. I can not tell you how long those few days were. I noticed on Sunday something was not right. Again I can not tell you what it was. I asked them about moving him to another hospital. They said they had everything under control. Tuesday they flew my little boy to OKC to Childrens' Hospital. I was terrified, I had no idea what to do. I drove as fast as I could. When I got here I instantly felt better things seemed better. On the third day my baby went on a ventilator. He was unable to maintain his oxygen level. That was on Saturday at about 2 am. So that was horrible and I cried I thought what happend. Later that day they changed ventilators because things were not working. I would love to say that things were okay, I think I knew things were not. I just did not know what to say or how to say it. The truth is on Friday November the 16th at around 1300 I was called to my sons side. He was dying and there was nothing anyone could do. I stood there and choose whether to let him go or to try one more thing. I chose one more thing. They told me they could not guarantee anything. I understood, so now we are trying the last thing. I cry when I think that this may not work and I may loose him. I pray and hope that things go well and I get to keep him. I cry when I realize that this is not just some horrible dream. Now it is my life it is real and the fear is great. I hate to think that I only had him such a short time. I know we are going to go home. I know that things are going to be better than ever before. I pray everyday that he knows I have been here everyday and I want him to come home. I can not tell you enough to hold the ones you love. Tell them you love them. Be there with them and for them. Today things are good he opened his eyes and held my hand. My little boy is in there somewhere. In that drug paralyzed body that is twice it's normal size. I know he's there and I know he hears me. I just can not hold him, rock him, or comfort him. I can not beg you enough to keep those you love close to you. Let them in and let them love you. Love them in return.