LeT's StArT a DiEt!

stripes layout powered by HOT FreeLayouts.com / MyHotComments Hello my name is Heather and I am 17 years old. I easily ge disracted by my thoughs. My life is pretty much pathetic. I sit at home all say sulking. My mom just recently got married and I do not like my stepdad. I have no boyfriend nor have I ever had one and I think that I will never get one. I feel somehow and someway that my life is just all a lie. I do not really think anything of myself except I think that Iam pretty. I just want to find a guy that will tell me that I am beautiful even though I do look like shit, someone who is not afraid to be seen with me in public, will hold my hand and kiss me in front of their friends and will sneek in my window late at night just because he could not stand to be away from me for one second, someone who will comfort me and whip away my tears when I cry and tell me that everything will be ok. Someone to hold me when I sleep and just be there for me when Ineed them the most. Doesn't every girl want that? Hopefully my prince charming will come around some day, until then I sit and wait. I do not really like where my life is at, at this point in time. I would really like to move out of my house but, right now I do not have any place to go. I know this is all jumping around and not really making sence and I am sorry I am just bad at going in order when it comes to writing. Things in life are not really fair and sometimes I wish I was not here, I wish Icould go to my real home, up there if you know what I mean. I feel that I am very emotional and to me that might be because I feel alone. I have met alot of nice guys but, it doesn't seem like I have found the right on just yet. I do not know how I really feel, I just know that I feel sad and I feel pain that I justt can not stand. Just all the time no matter where I am or what time it is, I just want to crawl in a dark corner hug my knees and justt cry my eyes out. I feel unhappy and tto me the meaning of happy is unknown. No I am not emo I do not cut, but I am emotional and I do cry alot, just like I said I feel unhappy. It is 2 A.M. and I can not sleep. My head is spinning and I am about to insane. Many people have told me that everything will be ok, and if it will be why isn't everything ok now? I have met guys that told me they would move to where I am to be with me and make me happy and I have learned not to believe them because they never did. Ok enough about guys. I am going to be a senior soon and I am not ready to go into the real world. Right now how i feel I do not think I will make it on my own. I do not feel stable by myself. I have t reid tto see a couselor but it did not work. Me talking to others about my problems it out of the question. I feel that I can not tell others my feeling unless I really care about them and I know that they care to listen and I have learned that the hard way. Many people that I have talked to wanted me to tell them what was wrong and they acted like they cared when they really did not they were just noisy and wanted to know what was wrong. Also, people that I have talked to just gave me crappy advice that never did help. So know I just keep all my feelings to myself. Someday I would like to have kids but, right now I am not sure how that is going to work out. I do not know where my life is going nor right now do I really care, I am just living my life as it goes. Who knows if I am going to live to see another day, anything could happen at any givin moments. My family has been greatful to me and I thank them for that and I love them to death but, right now I just want to move and get away. I was happy when I lived in WA but, now since we have moved here to MO I do not feel the need to be happy since nothing here seems to make me happy. I really hate feeling alone and sad 24/7 but it is something I have just learned to deal with. Music is like my life and with out it I am not sure what I would do.