Itsizz profile picture

Itsizz

A whisper of wisdom in a maelstrom of insanity

About Me

I am currently campaigning for Emperor of the Known Universe.I feel that my biggest challenge is also one of my greatest achievements - my continued struggle for modesty and humility despite my obvious superiority. I remind myself daily that "I have to remember the little people", like you.If you really want to know what I'm all about, just read my blogs.

My Interests

When I'm exercising my rapier wit and incredibly fine tuned sense of humor writing some of the best and funniest blogs on myspace...Establishment of my own regime as Emperor of the Known Universe, removing the ability to reproduce for violent criminals and drug adddicts, the total control of the dispensation of all natural resources, completion of my manifesto, and of course - knitting.And most of all...The Oklahoma Sooners and the Atlanta Falcons!By the way, if you haven't checked out what's happening at www.rifftrax.com or www.cinematicetitanic.com, you're really missing out!

I'd like to meet:

Michael J. Nelson, David Gilmour, Joel Hodgson, Stephen Hawking, Bob Stoops, Jim Mora Jr., and of course Jamie and Adam from MythbustersI'd also like to meet both Michael Moorer and the guy who invented the plastic containers that everything is encased in now (you know - the ones you have to use a chainsaw to open) and beat them both violently about the head and neck. While we're on the subject of idiots, here's a short list of other morons who I would love to see staked naked to an anthill covered in honey - Alec Baldwin, Tom Cruise, Dr. Phil, Oprah, Hillary Clinton, Bill Clinton, Al Gore, Al Franken, Terrell Owens, Barry Bonds, Dennis Rodman, Courtney Love, Jennifer Lopez, Matt Damon, Bill Maher, and every single member of PETA. Whew!!Good thing I don't have any anger issues.

Music:

What can I say? I'm the Ayatollah of Rock N Rollah! I love the classics - Floyd, Zep, ZZ Top, The Beatles, Van Halen, and Jackson Browne.I have successfully avoided prolonged exposure to country music. I see those who enjoy it, and apparently it makes your teeth fall out, and you seem to develop a strange romantic attachment to close family members.

Movies:

Gettysburg, Patton, It's A Wonderful Life, anthying ever touched by the good people at MST3K, and of course Spinal Tap

Television:

Doctor Who, Torchwood, Mythbusters, The Office, and The Deadliest Catch are great, but LONG LIVE MONTY PYTHON!!!! Of course, the greatest TV show in the world has to be Mystery Science Theater 3000. Hi-Keeba!

Books:

I love the Uncle John's Bathroom Reader series! Michael J. Nelson has written some gutbustingly funny stuff. I love Stephen King as well. I'm also a huge fan of Shelby Foote (I'm a tremendous Civil War geek).There are a few books I am currently recommending for anyone that would vote for Hillary Clinton. Those people amaze me. How could anyone that moronic survive to voting age? I recommend:"Belt Sanders, Public Urinals, and Electrical Outlets - We Don't Lick These!", "Relax!! It's Only Your Bellbutton", and "Breathing For Dummies"Naw, just kidding. For all Democrats there's only one book they should read:"Final Exit"

Heroes:

Jesus of course! Maybe even Mike, Joel, Tom Servo or Crow

My Blog

It’s Really No Picnic...

The tabloids are full of reports of aliens interacting with us.  We’ve all heard the stories  they implant strange things into us, mutilate our farm animals, commune with our world leaders...
Posted by Itsizz on Tue, 01 Apr 2008 11:16:00 PST

Culture and enlightment - even in Fresno!

Ok, so I'm back.  Whew!  I know it's been awhile, and I appreciate those of you who've been clamoring for more.  Now, while it's been suggested that I've run out of material and couldn'...
Posted by Itsizz on Mon, 21 May 2007 05:32:00 PST

The Best of Times

Now, I know that it's been a while since the last blog.  A lot of you have been kind enough to let me know you're ready for more, so here goes&   The wife and I were discussing the next blog...
Posted by Itsizz on Sat, 14 Oct 2006 12:38:00 PST

And the rest is history

This one's going to fall into the category of "aren't you glad you're not me?"   Let's take a trip down memory lane, you and I.  There was once, for each of us, that "first time".  I'm...
Posted by Itsizz on Sat, 09 Sep 2006 12:21:00 PST

The Horror!!

We're going to tackle a subject today that is near and dear to my heart.  The interesting part is going to be that I am only going to be ranting about (hopefully) a select few of you.&n...
Posted by Itsizz on Wed, 16 Aug 2006 10:28:00 PST

Don't worry! I got to keep all the important parts!

Most of you have probably seen something like this before.  A bunch of guys sit around and disclose injury details.  Typically they have something to do with a sport, usually played in high ...
Posted by Itsizz on Mon, 07 Aug 2006 03:28:00 PST

Cruel Things & Those You Love, Part III - Won't You Be My Neighbor?

For our final installment, I thought I'd present a case study.  I had the privilige of having a guy (we'll call him "Robbie") live next door that was one of the greatest sources of practical jok...
Posted by Itsizz on Sun, 30 Jul 2006 09:23:00 PST

Horrible Things & Dear Friends Part II - Fun At Work

Yep, it can be great at the office too!  Let me tell you of the story of my favorite April Fools' Day.  It was back in 1997, and I was working at our local cable company.  I got into wo...
Posted by Itsizz on Mon, 17 Jul 2006 06:51:00 PST

Horribly cruel things to do to those you love, Part I

I've been blessed in my life, very blessed.  Of course, everyone knows about many of them.  Im intelligent, funny, good-looking, and great in bed (ya'll already know this).  I've got a ...
Posted by Itsizz on Wed, 05 Jul 2006 07:36:00 PST

Spare the rod...

So, the other day I was at Wal-Mart.  It's amazing what you can observe about the diversity of the human race at Wal-Mart (a subject for another blog).  Anyhow, my lovely four year-old daugh...
Posted by Itsizz on Sun, 11 Jun 2006 09:50:00 PST