Christmas Shopping Makes Me Want to Open a Vein |
Fuck you, major department stores! Why? Because every time I go to you looking for presents, you never have what I want. Sure, you've got a million different pots-n'-pans sets, and, true, you've got a...
Posted by Jamie on Tue, 18 Dec 2007 11:49:00 PST |
Because I’m Smart and Shit AND Because Little Kids Can’t Read |
There are approximately two billion children (persons under 18) in the world. However, since Santa does not visit children of Muslim, Hindu, Jewish or Buddhist (except maybe in Japan) religions, this ...
Posted by Jamie on Fri, 14 Dec 2007 02:28:00 PST |
Surviving the Holidays |
SURVIVAL TIPS FOR THE HOLIDAYS
1. Take about twenty-five candy canes and a bottle of tequila and throw them into a blender set on frappe. It's called Elf Barf and when you chug-a-lug a pint of it wit...
Posted by Jamie on Fri, 14 Dec 2007 08:25:00 PST |
Yet another story that I should probably keep to myself..... |
So once upon a time, I was in bed with a male companion. He was someone I'd been seeing for a while (keep in mind that "a while" for me is not the same as "a while" for others) so I suppose we were fa...
Posted by Jamie on Fri, 14 Dec 2007 06:03:00 PST |
The Truth |
1. You will wake up with the best head of hair on the day you have an appointment to get it cut.
2. The first time you run into an ex, you will be wearing sweat pants.
3. It is only on the day you re...
Posted by Jamie on Fri, 07 Dec 2007 06:06:00 PST |
My humor is wasted on some people |
The problem with talking to a group of people who are...say ten years or so, younger than you is that they don't get your references. I had a conversation with such a group once where I mad...
Posted by Jamie on Fri, 30 Nov 2007 07:17:00 PST |
A look at a day in my future...... |
One day in the future, when my daughter drives her hovercar into the zeppelin retirement community I'm living in for a visit, I'll sit her down and begin yet another story she won't listen to abo...
Posted by Jamie on Wed, 28 Nov 2007 04:03:00 PST |
How to Argue and Win Everytime |
One of the reasons I hate having relationships is having to concede a single point. So, years ago, I devised this fool-proof system that ensures I win every single argument: being hyperbolically ridic...
Posted by Jamie on Fri, 23 Nov 2007 02:21:00 PST |
Just a tiny rant |
How can you take anyone seriously when they say, "I've got shingles?" Then, not only does the shingles-sufferer not get any respect for their pain, but they have to suffer through extremely similar ro...
Posted by Jamie on Fri, 23 Nov 2007 08:29:00 PST |
Helpful Hints for the Best Thanksgiving EVER....Jamie Style |
NOTE: After watching the Home & Garden Network for 24-hours straight and taking all of it's lessons to heart, I have become the premier authority on how to have the best Thanksgiving ever in the h...
Posted by Jamie on Wed, 21 Nov 2007 08:52:00 PST |
