Shelly profile picture

Shelly

SHAZBOT!

About Me

ATTENTION: THIS PROFILE IS FOR FRIENDLY USE ONLY! ALL BUM-LOOKERS SHOULD BUGGAR OFF! My name is Rachelle (most call me Shelly). I have a riotous little girl at home. I'm your typical middle 20's gal. Irrational yet well intentioned. I do a bang-up job balancing my sense of misdirection notwithstanding my smart-allecy and increasingly sizeable arse (CHEERS). Indecisive and verbose would be an understatement. I'm that asshole you ask where I want to eat for lunch and I name 3 places I don't want to go in quite colorful argot. Yay me!

My Interests

Pet Peeves: 10) Gravity 9) Rogue under wires 8) Eye goop 7) Walking into someone else's farts 6) When it is pronounced supposUBly 5) Saggy britches 4) When people add “izzle” as a suffix to a word for slang’s sake 3) Hickies 2) Cellulite 1) Alarm clocks sounding on your day off!Fav’s: 10) THE FRAY - for reasons I can't explain 9) Playing hookie 8) The Ocean (or even just Shark Week on Discovery Channel) 7) Liking every song on a CD 6) IZZY Doozers & Harley boy 5) Comfy underbritches 4) Hot rain (thunderstorms: BONUS) 3) Red meat 2) Orgasms 1) Ms. Hannah and all of her shenanagins!

I'd like to meet:

Dr. Valsava. He who coined the valsalva maneuver (ie: the grunting sound one makes on the toilet, or while otherwise physically asserting theirself). I just have to ask him, for the love of GOD - WHY? Why would you want something like that named after yourself. Gees, what a legacy!

Music:

Eh - been passing on the music lately for stand up comedy radio channels on the net. There isn't a whole lot out right now that I'm into music-wise.

Movies:

I wouldn't say favorite by any means, but I've been watching Shopgirl a lot. It strikes you as mediocre at first, but the more times you watch it, the more it resonates with you...

Television:

Mostly DVD's but I'll make exceptions for Lost, CSI (reruns on Spike TV), and IFC.

Books:

I just found out that Judy Bloom (remember her?) is now writing adult novellas. They are funny and... dirty! Go JUDY! animal layout @ HOT FreeLayouts.com love / music / movies / frazy

Heroes:

John Wayne Bobbit - seriously who else could have their weiner wacked off and come out of the situation better for it?

My Blog

Forget HER Not

"Forget HER Not" She isn't what you'd call obsessed But there is a "here-I-am-pink" about her.If she were a flowerShe'd be a Forget-Me-Not.Clever like a tickle in the roof of your mouth,She knows how ...
Posted by Shelly on Wed, 20 Feb 2008 07:15:00 PST

Blue Collar Concubine

(This is not for or about me. I'm just brushing up on my writing... for fun) "Blue Collar Concubine" You flatter me with a tickle Yet deny me the full caress You flirt with minty breath Tongue hov...
Posted by Shelly on Wed, 20 Feb 2008 07:13:00 PST

Burning Daylight

    Each day is a lit fuse                 My job is to chase it down         &nb...
Posted by Shelly on Wed, 31 Oct 2007 04:43:00 PST

Napkin diddles

Have not had much time to write lately so I actually jotted some of these down on napkins at lunch or out on the town... Yeah, I'm a wierd bird. I know. Untitled Sometimes I dream in Black & white...
Posted by Shelly on Tue, 30 Oct 2007 03:27:00 PST

RUINED

On rare occaisions Like Fridays that fall on the 13th Or when Canadian coins turn up in loose change And wreck your vending machine intentions Now and then, I'm right about the things that I know Sa...
Posted by Shelly on Sat, 30 Jun 2007 12:02:00 PST

My Willow Man

A week ago I sat with him Awkward in the face of his trepidation So unlike himself, almost flimsy in a willow green gown That gaped open in uncouth places We made small talk amid the whirring and beep...
Posted by Shelly on Sun, 27 May 2007 11:34:00 PST

Wicked Snare

I carry a secret inside It is a dense and murky bog Or a nameless wicked snare Opening like a fist Spreading its dirty tendrils Out like fingers Filling up my gut with sag and doom I am heavy with i...
Posted by Shelly on Sat, 26 May 2007 07:21:00 PST

American FEMINICIDE (allegorical rant/essay)

                   Mankind has been taken with women since the dawn of emotional intelligence. She is the mother of creat...
Posted by Shelly on Wed, 04 Apr 2007 02:13:00 PST

My Midget is GOING to the Cincinnati Art Academy!

When I dropped my daughter off at school  today, her teacher and principal were waiting for me. My initial instinct was to think "oh shit, what now?", and I don't know why. Hannah never gets into...
Posted by Shelly on Wed, 31 Jan 2007 06:26:00 PST

I'M PUBLISHED!!!

OK so it isn't exactly the guide to modern day poet-laureats but I've been published in a compliated book of contemporary poetry. I got the hard copy in the mail two days ago. Weird it is to see my n...
Posted by Shelly on Wed, 29 Nov 2006 06:10:00 PST