Jake profile picture

Jake

I am here for Friends

About Me

I was born at a very early age... The details of my life are quite inconsequential... very well, where do I begin? My father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery. My mother was a fifteen year old French prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet. My father would womanize, he would drink. He would make outrageous claims like he invented the question mark. Sometimes he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy. The sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament. My childhood was typical. Summers in Rangoon, luge lessons. In the spring we'd make meat helmets. When I was insolent I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds- pretty standard really. At the age of twelve I received my first scribe. At the age of fourteen a Zoroastrian named Vilma ritualistically shaved my testicles. There really is nothing like a shorn scrotum... it's breathtaking- I highly suggest you try it. Free Gothic layouts at SatanSpace.com
Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

My Interests

At the moment? Creating a CYBORG zombie army.

I'd like to meet:

.. width="425" height="350" ...... Excelsior, motherfucker, excelsior!

Music:

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Movies:

Gladiator Movies

Television:

Test patterns and static

Books:

The Dictonary, American Psycho, Charles Bukowski

Heroes:

Henry Chiniski, Clint Eastwood, Samuel Clemens, Ralph Kramden, The Dude, His Dudeness, or uh, Duder, or El Duderino if you're not into the whole brevity thing...