Hi everyone
I just want to give you all a little info about whats going on with me these days...I might have a smile on my face and kid around but inside I am truly dying inside. For the past couple of months I have been traveling from Napa,CA to Sacramento, CA to goto work. I stay in Napa for a few reasons...1. I lost my home cause hubby hasn't worked since November...(whole nother story)2. the most important reason is because my dad is dying and he needs alot of care and so I am there for him. He is dying of a lung disease and each day he has been getting worse. Somedays he knows where he is and somedays he doesn't. I think its because of all the meds he is on. I feel if I just laugh with him when he says funny stuff its better than breaking down and crying. When I get home from work I rub his back and his legs and wash his face, feed him and give him a shave every few days. It has been so tough emotionally for me since I am the baby of the family and my dad had been this very OVER protecting and Domineering father who wouldn't let me do anything when I was growing up. and to see him like this and take care of him the way I have had to has been hard but I do it because he is my dad and i love him. I wouldn't be the person I am today if it wasn't for him. So right now my work and my dad is my life also having to take care of my own family in the process. My dad went into the hospital this past weekend and he says he just want to die there. How do i cope with that? I don't know. I don't really want to acknowledge that he is ready to go. I don't want to lose my dad two weeks before my 34th birthday or on my birthday or even after that. I don't want to lose him at all and I can't control it. I am trying to be strong and not fall apart but I am hanging on by threads and I just don't know what I am going to do or how I am going to get thru this. Deep down I know I will but I just don't want to face it right now. Anyways guys this site has been a real pick me up with all the friends i have on this page and the comments and notes it really picks me when i am haveing a bad day. So to all of you thank you...thank you for being here for me to talk to and thank you for your nice comments. It really does get me through the day....
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