Mustache Rides - ProfilesArchive

About Me

I have received your money already. and I will send go give you fast most.

My Interests

Demolition derbies, vintage or retro anything, bad movies, rockabilly, femme fatales, schadenfreude, digital photography, pyramid schemes, monster trucks (GraveDigger!), research grants, StrongBad, literature, RoadsideAmerica, Wisconsin State Fair, motorcycles, Ducati, burlesque, Hello Kitty, carnival rides, home invasion, wood davers

I'd like to meet:

Trailer trash County Fair beauty queens, addicted to menthols and tattoos.

Music:

Rockabilly, new wave, Serge Gainsbourg, Ladytron, Jacknife Lee, honkytonk, shooting at the walls of heeeeartache *bang* *bang* I aaaaam the warrior, Vicious Pink, Elvis, El Vez, Portishead, Aterciopelados, Hildegard Von Bingen, Pizzicato Five, Garvis, punk.

Movies:

Owen Wilson's good movies, Owen Wilson's bad movies, Escape From Witch Mountain, Bringing Up Baby, film noir, bollywood, Cary Grant, Myrna Loy, Peter Lorre, Chopper, Sexy Beast, Gangs Of New York, Girl On The Bridge, Russ Meyer, Touch Of Evil, Rushmore

Television:

CSI, Six Feet Under, The Wire, http://www.televisionwithoutpity.com/

Books:

Kavalier & Clay, Anais Nin, Ambrose Bierce, Evelyn Waugh, Samuel Beckett, David Sedaris, Eudora Welty, Stewart O'Nan, Dickens, Lethem, Edward Gorey.

Heroes:

Carnies. Carnies who get in knife fights after the rides close down and everybody gets drunk at 4:00 a.m. Also baby Jesus.

My Blog

Pet Emu Dies In Struggle With Police

Judging by that September 29th headline from the Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel, we have an emu problem. Fuck. I just moved here from Seattle like two years ago. Nobody warned me that the terrified res...
Posted by Mustache Rides on Sun, 09 Sep 2007 05:23:00 PST

About me:

Prone to robbing the convenience store to raise rent money, or beer money, or to get you out of jail. Write my number on your leg with a sharpie, then write "lawyer" next to it, that way they'll still...
Posted by Mustache Rides on Wed, 06 Jun 2007 09:20:00 PST

monkeys monkeys ted & alice

When I put dad in the nursing home two years ago, gas was $1.50 a gallon. Now when I drive him across town for lunch at Heinemann's, we pass the $3.49 a gallon sign at the Citgo station and he gets a...
Posted by Mustache Rides on Fri, 01 Jun 2007 07:51:00 PST

Brick through the windshield that says I love you&

My dream relationship ends with throwing lamps at each other in a $32 Texas motel, at 4:30 a.m. I've never had one of those. Never drank whisky in the bathtub while my girlfriend practices stripper ...
Posted by Mustache Rides on Tue, 29 May 2007 04:32:00 PST

Coffee. Money. Lust. Guns.

First of all, my coffee maker is a bit tricky. You don't want to unplug it. Ever. Plugging it back in dims street lights and sets off car alarms. Also, that would reset the timer, which is currently o...
Posted by Mustache Rides on Mon, 28 May 2007 09:19:00 PST

The phenomena known as yiffing

So my current job is wearing the six foot rat costume as the Chuck E Cheese mascot in South Milwaukee. Before hiring me, they filled the costume by kidnapping felons from the halfway house down the st...
Posted by Mustache Rides on Mon, 21 May 2007 05:40:00 PST

Retraction: Holiday Recipe

Last week I checked out Claire's blog, and she had me beat. Recipes! Damn her! Chicken And Dumplings! Lasagna! In a desperate ploy to catch up, I posted my own recipe. Unfortunately, there were a ...
Posted by Mustache Rides on Thu, 10 May 2007 06:00:00 PST

Disquieting Items in the News

Direct quote from news:"Medical school professor Robert White said his monkey-to-monkey head transplant was a partial success."That's it. "Monkey-to-monkey head transplant" is now my favorite phrase i...
Posted by Mustache Rides on Thu, 10 May 2007 06:14:00 PST

Friends in the right places.

I know a Death Scene Investigator for the County. Since I'm the most annoying person you know, and am usually two steps away from being tossed yelping into the trunk of a battered Pontiac, I will be p...
Posted by Mustache Rides on Mon, 07 May 2007 05:39:00 PST

ON FIRE FOR THE LORD

Typical morning. Woke up under a stranger's couch with cigarette butts in my hair. While crawling toward the door, found a UPS uniform roughly my size, so at least I wasn't naked when I scampered ou...
Posted by Mustache Rides on Sat, 05 May 2007 05:16:00 PST