Feeding the addictions
I'd like to meet:
More midgets, girls that get naked for money and let me sell the pictures online, whoever invented teardrop panties - that guy is fucking boss
You must meet one of the following criteria to be added to the friend thing:
I know you or met you at a bar.
-or-
You do not have the following as part of your profile:
"LOL" in reference to your own jokes, I don't need joke guidance as to when to laugh and I can make fun of you in my own time
Pictures of people other than yourself, especially famous people. Learn to do something interesting
Ever mention sobriety. I understand this exists, yet don't have to be reminded about it.
Be below the standard drinking/fucking age. I live for the right to drink, fuck, and fight and only have time for those that can participate.
Talk about being a skank without sending me naked pictures first. I will decide who is and who is not a skank, slut, whore, hotty, dyke, or just plain unfuckable.
Pictures of your car instead of yourself. I understand that you're a loser, you need to accept that your car will not make you cool. Unless it's a 1970's Cadillac Seville with gold trim, a purple paint job, hydros, 1500w of stereo power, and 3 bitches you're dropping off on the block. That car will make you cool.
Anything regarding your religion. I don't care what you are so long as you drink. So if you're going to kill my buzz with all your God talk, fuck off now and save me the trouble.
Stupid sounds from bands nobody will ever care about. Nobody cared about them before your profile, nobody will care about them after. Have them do a cover of "Louie, Louie" and we'll talk.
2000+ "friends" because you're so lame that you want everyone to be your friend. Fuck you. Unless you're a really desparate chick in my area. Then you're obviously in need of sexual attention and I'll be by to fuck you in the butt a few times around Saturday. If you want lube, bring your own.
You haven't been to fuckyouimdrunk.com
If you're from a porn company and didn't first introduce yourself with head, then you're not likely to get added.
If you have your profile set to private, then you're probably one of those marketing assholes that just wants to spam bulletins about your product or party nobody cares about, so fuck yourself and save me the time.
Note to anyone that sends me messages here and thinks I read them: I have my own website I run, why the fuck would I check messages on this commercial piece of shit?
Movies:
Porkys, Animal House, Road Trip, Euro Trip, Revenge of the Nerds, House of 1,000 Corpses, Citizen Kane, This is Spinal Tap, The Filth & the Fury
Books:
I like to read other people's prescription bottles and try to find hidden messages about them.
