Punching squirrels when they least suspect it, chopping up ex-boyfriends and keeping them in neatly labelled jars in the basement, late night Del Taco runs, snowboarding, and spending other people's money on things I don't even need or want.
Well, my best friend is a half eaten tuna melt, my roommate is a plastic houseplant that I somehow managed to kill, and my boyfriend is inflatable. Needless to say I have pretty low standards. I think at this point I'd settle for meeting anyone with all their original limbs who doesn't smell like cat food. I know it's a tall order, but I'm picky.
I'm partial to the unintelligible mooing of Mariah Carey. It reminds me of being back home on the farm.
Glitter and Free Willy, because they're basically the same movie about some stupid orca no one cares about. Also Planet of the Apes, the 5 sequels, the prequel, the short lived Planet of the Apes the Next Generation tv show, and anything involving planet or ape related plots.
The Simpsons, Family Guy, South Park, Law and Order, nipple infested super bowl half time shows, and any other shows that the Safety Moms of America shit their knickers over. Also mystery diagnosis on the Discovery Health Channel because they made me aware of the 18 terminal brain defects I happen to have.
As a viktim ov the Virginia publick skooling system, I learned to chew chaw and play the banjo insted of learning too reed. But if I could read, I'm sure it would be mostly tv guide and the backs of cereal boxes.
I'm really fond of the unspoken heoes of mediocrity. There's no shame in finishing 57th! President Filmore, the fat guy from N'Sync with the wonky eye, laser disks, Ross Perot, chunk lite tuna, the Tamba Bay Devil Rays, and the glorious owners of