Creepsquatch - ProfilesArchive

About Me

I collect mashed potato sculptures, but only the ones that look like piles of uneaten mashed potatoes. I like the Munsters, but I'm more of an Addams Family kinda guy. Call me crazy, but I prefer Miracle Whip over mayonnaise. My uncle is a Sleestak. I enjoy going to my court dates completely drunk on Everclear and telling the judge he looks like a shorter version of Gary Coleman. Am I the only one who thinks the phrase "That's what I'm talkin' about" should be outlawed and all those who use it should be put to a slow, agonizing, painful death? I think a law shoud be passed to re-name college fraternities Date Rape Academies. I can't walk out of a bookstore without buying at least 1 book (although, it's usually 2 or 3). Every night when I take the dog out to pee I scan the sky for UFO's. I don't shit my pants too often, but when I do I have to admit I kinda like the way it feels...all warm and squishy. I believe there should be a national holiday in honor of Fred Sanford. I like my women thick like a milkshake, in other words, women with curves NOT angles. I think that stopping at red lights should be optional, not mandatory. I believe that Roscoe's House of Chicken and Waffles is a portal to another dimension...a dimension of delicious fucking chicken and waffles. My new favorite word is douche-hole. The most perfect food on the planet just may be peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. I once punched a fish in the face. When I'm sitting on the can I play electronic hand-held Yahtzee, my high score is 637...I'm just that good, also, I get lots of practice. You know that liquid cheese that comes on nachos from, like 7-11 or at baseball stadiums? Yeah, I could totally mainline that shit. Given the opportunity I will sit down with a bag of Mother's Circus Animal cookies and eat every last mother fuckin' one of 'em, the BIG bag, bitches. One time I kicked myself in the balls, it felt so good I've been chasing that dragon ever since. I think people who refer to pizza as "za" should be murdered. Gay people don't scare me, but right-wing evangelical neo-terrorist Christians sure the fuck do. Is there anything better than flying a kite naked in the middle of a thunderstorm? I firmly believe that all American Indians should rise up and kick our asses for fucking up their planet. I want Gehenna to play at my funeral.

My Interests

Questioning your committment to Sparkle Motion, Tailgating cops for fun, Reciting quotes from movies seconds before they happen to ruin the movie for others, complaining how much MySpace sucks, running with scissors (scissors is my dog's name), complaining how much MySpace sucks, breathing, self dentistry, complaining how much MySpace sucks (it really sucks hard), perfecting the fine art of being a douchebag.

I'd like to meet:

I'd like to meet people who are real fans of the Dave Matthews Band, The Goo Goo Dolls or Good Charlotte...so I can punch them in the fucking face.

Music:

is good.

Movies:

can really suck...unless they're good.

Television:

Small Wonder, Mr. Belvedere

Books:

Do yourself a favor, read Education Of A Felon by Edward Bunker (R.I.P.), and the soon to be released Gehenna book. Both of these books will teach you more about life than any bible ever could.

Heroes:

Charles Darwin

My Blog

Arthur C. Clarke R.I.P

Arthur C. Clarke died today and to most people that means nothing, but this man was not only a true visionary in so many fields, but what I consider to be a modern day prophet who delivered his divine...
Posted by Creepsquatch on Wed, 19 Mar 2008 04:08:00 PST

Mmm, Mmm, Bad

Just to set the record straight, soup is just flavored water, it's not a meal. Anyone who tells you differently is lying to you. Fuck soup!
Posted by Creepsquatch on Tue, 22 May 2007 06:05:00 PST

Well, Well, Well

Jerry Fuckin' Falwell is DEAD! Maybe there is a gOD. If there is I bet he's kickin' Jerry's ass all over heaven right now. I hope he died alone and in pain. Fuck the moral majority, Fuck neo-christian...
Posted by Creepsquatch on Thu, 17 May 2007 07:09:00 PST

Planet Of The Wolves

I've got a daughter that's almost 3 years old and I'm worried. Why am I worried you might ask? I'll tell you. Men are dicks. Plain and simple. Come on guys, you know what I'm talkin' about. There is u...
Posted by Creepsquatch on Sun, 13 Aug 2006 03:22:00 PST

83%

Human debrisCovers the earthConsumption biproduct nightmareOceans of unused wasteThis world is a shitholeThat no one wants to faceWhile the planet diesWe bury ourselves dailyIn human biproductsEmpty w...
Posted by Creepsquatch on Sat, 24 Jun 2006 07:33:00 PST

My Adidas

They're black and whiteWhite with black stripesThe kind I like to wearWhen I rock the mic
Posted by Creepsquatch on Wed, 17 May 2006 12:47:00 PST

Everything Sucks Today

Some douchebag once said "Life sucks and then you die." Oh yeah motherfucker? Real profound. I hate everything and (almost) everyone right now ESPECIALLY plastic surgery addicted, bible thumping south...
Posted by Creepsquatch on Tue, 02 May 2006 03:48:00 PST

Cyrus is DEAD! Long Live Cyrus!

Cyrus VanderPyle is DEAD!!! Like so many other idiots in this crazy scene he OD'd, only his drug of choice was Cadbury Carmel Eggs. The doctors said they hadn't seen a blood/glucose level that high si...
Posted by Creepsquatch on Sat, 15 Apr 2006 02:11:00 PST

Viva Las Vegas

O.K. I'm gettin' ready to split for Vegas in a little bit (I've got a few holes to dig in the desert, but do us both a favor and don't ask me why). I need to know if somebody can stop by over the wee...
Posted by Creepsquatch on Thu, 09 Mar 2006 11:55:00 PST

Dethroned Emperor

From The Merriam-Webster Dictionary:bastard (bas-terd) n 1 : an illegitimate child born out of wedlock.Jesus was a bastard.
Posted by Creepsquatch on Tue, 07 Mar 2006 10:51:00 PST