Bob

You might not know this but my real name is actually Robert Errey.
After winning the Stanley Cup in 1991-1992 with the Pittsburg Penguins and proclaiming my world renown words, "I am the best hockey player in the world," life seemed up-ice for me, but life always checks you into the boards when you’re fighting for the puck in the corner leaving you bruised and battered. Well, that’s exactly what happened to me when I was suddenly traded to the Buffalo Sabers just before the 92-93 playoffs. I had a long rink to recovery.
Since I was hurt most of the 92-93 season with the Penguins after suffering a preseason injury to idiot Hartford, trade rumors developed in Pitt. Honestly, I can't say the rumors didn't sting a little, I mean I just won the Stanley Cup the previous 2 years, come on! Anger built inside me like ferocious untamed beast and on February 13, 1993 that beast was unleashed when me and Jay Caufield beat the bloody piss out of Detroit’s Chris Chelios. The bastard gave me a hard check to the tailbone, so Jay charged him and then I dove on Chris and lit up his face with my fist. I'll never forget the glorious high five Jay and I shared as we skated off the ice after being ejected - it was like old times.
My tailbone began to flare up, but I kept quiet. On February 27, 1993 against Tampa Bay I took a hard hit and couldn't get back up - I was out and missed most of the rest of the season. Pitt traded me... my heart sank and what was once home would now be the enemy.
Because of my injury, I played only 8 games with Buffalo - they were the first two rounds of the playoffs, just the time when I shine. I dreamed of beating the piss out of Pitt in the playoffs just to prove to them they made a mistake by trading me, but unfortunately the New York Islanders beat me to it. To this day I believe if Pittsburg never traded me we would have won the Stanley Cup for a third year in a row.
The following year (93-94) I signed with the Sharks at the great city of San Jose. I had a brief run with injuries but I must admit that I beat the piss out of everyone that year while having, of course, another great season. I was always in the penalty box, probably because I was still bitter about Pitt trading me so I took out my rage on the players. I was suspended and fined $500 for slamming Calgary’s Frantisek Musil against the boards, almost breaking the guy's back. I promise it was an accident just like he promises that he didn’t mean to hit me with an unnoticed high stick causing my eyebrow to rip open and bleed into my eye, the bastard.
San Jose went from one of the worst teams in the NHL the previous year to one of the best teams when they signed me. What does that tell you Penguins? Damn right. Pittsburg knew what they were missing in me and in anger they knocked out my knee in a game on March 22, 1994, the bastards. I was out for one month, and then I returned fired up again to wreak more havoc.
In the 93-94 first round of the playoffs we forced a game seven with the infamous Detroit Red Wings, the number one seed. The team had their eye out for me after the Chris Chelios’ incident a season ago, but I shut them down by using my great playoff skills; I scored the winning goal with only seconds left on the clock - we did the unthinkable – we beat Detroit, the number one seed in the first round! Again, I was quoted "Who's the best hockey player in the world? Damn right Pittsburg!" Of course the Penguins lost again without me, meanwhile San Jose and I were moving into the second round only to lose a grueling seven game series to Toronto. I blame our goalie, Arturs Irbe, for letting in the winning goal with only 8 minutes left in OT for our game six loss, otherwise we would have won the series in six. Thanks Arturs.
The following season (94-95), Detroit openly expressed their interest in me since I shut them down the previous year and ruined their season. You can't blame them for wanting the best. Pittsburg showed no signs of interest, those bastards, so I went with Detroit. I never understood why the Penguins didn't want to win another Stanley Cup -- after two losing seasons without me how could they not realize that they weren't winning because they didn't have the playoff King Errey on their team?
Chelios welcomed me, he had to or else I’d knock him out again, plus I was the best hockey player, he didn’t have a choice. We finished the 94-95 season as the best team in the NHL and I had another phenomenal season. We went on to destroy my old team the San Jose Sharks in the second round of the Playoffs - isn't it unfortunate you didn’t resign me, Sharks? Pittsburg lost again too.
Detroit was happy to have King Errey on their side to take them to the Stanley Cup. Unfortunately we went on to lose the Stanley Cup Championship to New Jersey and I won't say anymore about that.
In the 95-96 I stayed on Detroit and again we finished as the best team in the NHL but unfortunately we lost in the semi's to Colorado, one game short of the Stanley Cup.
In the 96-97 season I was suspended two games including the first game of the 96 playoffs and fined $1000 for slashing the piss out of Denis Savard on Chicago. Then Detroit released me just before the playoffs – I think they were upset with my aggressive play in the Chicago game, but what other choice do you have when a guy spits in your face and makes fun of your mother – the truth is I was still bitter at Pitt for trading me.
I was a free man again in 96-97. San Jose wanted the master back, and they got him. Unfortunately after I left San Jose three seasons prior their team went downhill and they were the worst in the NHL, but they didn’t have the losing goalie, Irbe, anymore so that was plus on the rebuilding process.
Detroit on the other hand went on to beat Colorado in the semi's and win the Stanley Cup. I was pissed --- I was on that team and could have won another Stanley Cup! Can you imagine being waived just before the playoffs and your old team goes on to win the Stanley Cup?! It was brutal especially since I brought them there two seasons prior – no appreciation. Then, the next season (97-98) they won the Stanley Cup again! So I won two Stanley Cups with the Penguins and then was traded and now I was released before winning two Stanley Cups with Detroit - an interesting bookend to the end of my career.
Injuries cursed the remainder of my career. It was as if being waived by the team that won the Stanley Cup could not be erased from my mind - it haunted and cursed me. I signed with Dallas in 97-98 and then ended my career on the New York Rangers in the 97-98 season - my final hockey fight ended in a concussion. I was 33 years old. Did I mention that Dallas went on to win the Stanley Cup the following year? I’ll be honest, before I left Dallas I enlightened the players with my excellent knowledge of the game, they have me to thank for their big victory, I’m the best. I know Modano appreciates the work I put in at Dallas; he gives me that weird glow in his eyes whenever I’m around him, I think it’s a thank you glow…
So I tried to make a come back in 1999 on the one and only Pittsburg Penguins. Can you believe it? Why rejoin the bastards who traded me and haven’t won a Stanley Cup since, you ask? Because I wanted to help them win again! Unfortunately, it didn't work out because they still didn’t care about winning so I became a broadcaster for the Penguins instead. Then in 2001 I tried to make another comeback to the Penguins to see if they had gained some sense and believe or not they did, I was part of team again, but I was 37 years old and it was too late for me; my injuries were too prominent and they ended my career. However, I remain in the first home of my NHL career in Pittsburg as a TV analyst for the Penguins. Just like they saying goes, “Keep your friends close but your enemies closer.”