Kara

In my life, I have been in love -- and I’m talking deep, deep core bearing love -- four times. I’ve always known when the love is over. It either fizzles out or I realize the relationship could never really work. But while I’m in love, my body functions in a new way. My toes tingle. My heart flutters. I think I digest differently. Oh yes, in my life, I’ve been in love four times.Tom Cruise was the first person I gave my heart to. Then Ewan McGregor came into my life. Next it was Gerard Butler and finally, and most recently, Patrick Dempsey. That said, in the words of Deuce Bigalow, Male Gigolo, “things are really starting to look up for me.” Tom Cruise, it turns out, is not only gay but puts an awkward amount of stock into alien mother ships. Ewan, and ours was true love, is married with a kid and Gerard, despite his promises to “make my song take wing,” is rarely in the country, and now, rarely in my thoughts. Patrick, however, is still there for me. We have a special date every Thursday, but I’m beginning to think he’s not planning to leave his wife.Is what I just told you freaky? Yes. It is unhealthy? Definitely. Can I help it? Nope. Become a movie star and I’ll fall in love with you, too.