Ich habe einen Defekt profile picture

Ich habe einen Defekt

I got dick for days, you got ass for weeks.

About Me


I don't need any of this. I don't need this stuff and I don't need you. I don't need anything -- except this, this ash tray, and that's the only thing I need is this! I don't need nothin' but this - just this ash tray, and this paddle game. The ash tray and the paddle game - and that's all I need, and this - the remote control. The ash tray, the paddle game and the remote control, that's all I need. And these matches. The ash tray, and these matches, and the remote control, and the paddle ball. And this lamp. That's right. This paddle game, and the remote control, and the lamp and that's all I need. And that's all I need too! I don't need one other thing. Not one - I need this - the paddle game and the chair and the remote control and the matches, for sure. Well, what are you looking at? What do you think I am, some kind of a jerk or something? And this. That's all I need. The ash tray, the remote control, and this paddle game, and this magazine and the chair...I don't need one other thing, except my dog -- I don't need my dog.
My crotch is the second most important part of my job, after my legs.
I'm a hopeful but faithless pessimist who thinks that the meaning in life exists in the struggle just to live it. I have a knack for rescuing blind, deaf animals from the mean streets of the city. I am an endurance athlete because there is joy and satisfaction in self-inflicted misery. I can only have sex with people I'm in love with, but I tend to fall in love with everyone I meet. I have a Jesus Complex; it's very complex. I also like pickle juice.
I consider organizing and promoting bike races performance art, and I do it with a creative compulsion. I'm a lazy vegan. Beautiful things make me cry. I think I have a fatal defect. I love my fatal defect.
Bike racing is my escape from life. Playing music is my escape from bike racing.
I think Morrissey sings specifically to me, and only me, just like every other Smiths fan does. Only he understands me.
I love cyclo-cross, even if it is the European equivalent of the American tractor pull.
I'm on the road. A lot. Here's where I'll be in the near future:
July 21 - Mt. Holly, NJ
July 23 - 29 - Altoona, PA
August 4 - Charlotte, NC
August 5 - Winston-Salem, NC
August 11 - 12 - Elk Grove, IL
August 18 - 19 - Downers Grove, IL
August 25 - NY, NY
August 26 - Binghamton, NY
And then it's cyclo-cross season!

My Interests

Good: the "me" in "team", making out, dry humping, small boobs, non-monogamy, sarcasm, post-binary gender choice, pro-sex feminism, brainy talk, dirty phone cam pics and the friends who send them, literal and metaphorical self-immolation, hagelslaag, American Apparel underwear, Ben Sherman shirts, Dickies pants, auto-cross on the Riverway, cyclo-cross in Franklin Park, and my bass.
Evil: cultural irony, trucker hats, PBR, dolled-up chicks paired off with sloppy dudes, jealousy, being unlovable, bike dorks, Che Guevara t-shirts and the bearded hipster hypocrites that wear them, feeling like a minority of one.

I'd like to meet:


Strivers, sufferers, inspirators, and co-conspirators.
I also wouldn't mind meeting women my own age once in a while. Gosh.

Music:

I like the Misfits, not the Ramones. Kraftwerk, not Devo. Joe Jackson, not Billy Joel. The Dead Kennedys, not the Dead Milkmen. Jazz, not Classical. Rhythm, not melody. There is a culture war going on, and I'm not afraid to pick sides.
I like Prince, Bad Brains, The Smiths, Joy Division, The Cure, Youth of Today, Gorilla Biscuits, Bold, New Order, Bauhaus, Gang of Four, !!!, Slapshot, SS Decontrol, Misfits, Dizzee Rascal, Sebadoh, Echo and the Bunnymen, Agnostic Front, Token Entry, Kraftwerk, Galaxie 500, Rollins, Black Dice, Don Cabellero, The Melvins, The Need, Sleater-Kinney, Lightning Bolt, At The Drive-In, Think Tree, Rocky Votolato, High On Fire, Fantomas, Mr. Bungle, Tomahawk, Peeping Tom, John Zorn.

Movies:

Purple Rain, The Warriors, Pretty In Pink, The Breakfast Club, Some Kind of Wonderful, Dune, Eraserhead, Pee Wee's Big Adventure, Willy Wonka, A Clockwork Orange, Beetlejuice, Edward Scissorhands, Taxi Driver, Nosferatu, Brokeback Mountain, Donnie Darko, Tron.

Books:

The Cannon of every good English major.
Lately: Brokeback Mountain by Annie Proulx; Drugs Are Nice by Lisa Crystal Carver; We Owe You Nothing; The Fool's Daughter and Other Stories by Sean Manseau; Let My People Go Surfing by Yvon Choinard; Vows: The Story of a Priest, A Nun, and Their Son by Peter Manseau; Hip: The History; Can't Stop Won't Stop.

My Blog

Quote of the Day

"If I didn't have my penis in her when I picked her up, I might have dropped her."
Posted by Ich habe einen Defekt on Mon, 20 Aug 2007 07:25:00 PST

This Is England

Even the fucking trailer made me cry:This Is EnglandI can't wait to see it. It looks like they got the whole thing spot on.
Posted by Ich habe einen Defekt on Wed, 15 Aug 2007 07:47:00 PST

Quote of the Day

It's been a while since I posted a Quote of the Day, but this one stopped me dead in my tracks:"I'm flattered that you think my mouth, vagina and ass are suitable places for the treasure that is your ...
Posted by Ich habe einen Defekt on Thu, 02 Aug 2007 07:19:00 PST

Who's Fucking Whom in Hipster Boston

I've been thinking about drawing a "Who's Fucking Whom in Hipster Boston" diagram recently. I thought it would help people keep track of who their primary partners were, and who else they were sleepin...
Posted by Ich habe einen Defekt on Fri, 13 Jul 2007 08:14:00 PST

Sigh.

Sorry, I know I was supposed to stop this in 9th grade, but I just can't help myself."I Know It's Over"Oh Mother, I can feel the soil falling over my headAnd as I climb into an empty bedOh well. Enoug...
Posted by Ich habe einen Defekt on Wed, 20 Jun 2007 07:11:00 PST

Jason Gould

My hero:http://www.jasongould.net/#s=11&mi=2&pt=1&pi=10000&p=1& a=0&at=0
Posted by Ich habe einen Defekt on Thu, 14 Jun 2007 07:52:00 PST

I want one!

I wonder if my insurance would cover this?
Posted by Ich habe einen Defekt on Wed, 13 Jun 2007 12:58:00 PST

If you knew how much I hate feet

then you'd know how gross this is for me:Gross....
Posted by Ich habe einen Defekt on Sun, 10 Jun 2007 05:52:00 PST

I want to change my life today.

It's probably just that I've had to much coffee and and a lot of real work to do, but god, this all looks good to me:http://www.bc.edu/centers/irish/studies/home.htmlhttp://w ww.acisweb.com/index.phpht...
Posted by Ich habe einen Defekt on Thu, 31 May 2007 06:37:00 PST

Clean Rider Results

We're gonna start a new web site that posts race results, and then tried to extrapolate a "clean general classification" from those results.http://www.cyclingnews.com/road.php?id=road/2007/may 07/somer...
Posted by Ich habe einen Defekt on Tue, 29 May 2007 12:20:00 PST