I have an interest fine dining. interest in early 15 century guillatienes. anything that starts with the word fuck . anything that rymes with antidisastablishmentarism. interest in poetry track and field horse racing frissbee bingo cricket money launderring racketeering golf baseball boxing farting ass scratching violin tamboree name calling pencil pushing pushups swallowing fire butterfly gazing peeing sneezing crapping shitting play dough indain rain dance milburns drinking drugs sex rock and roll peanut butter and jelly sandwhiches escargo hip hop aliens toilet paper wall street journal times national geographic. global warming greenhouse effect. save the dolphins midgets yonkers raceway history
I'd like to meet:
i would like to meet the man i the moon and ask him if the americans really landed there or it was all hocus hollywood pocus. I would like to meet puff the magic dragon so i could take a ride with him around the block and have him shit on some people that i dont like . I would like to meet my shadow and ask him why He is so shy and how come he does everything that i do. Whats the matter shadow you dont fucking have a brain. Stop copying everything that i do!!!!!!!!! I would like to meet everyone who thinks they know it all anf set them on fire and ask them if they know what the chemical makeup of hydrogen sulfide is.... I would like to meet the doctor who delivered me and slap him in the face and say "Hey whats the matter with you how bout a little privacy". I would like to meet harry before he met sally and benedict arnold before he became a trader and the person who invented caps locks on this fuckin keyboard so i can smash him in the mouth with it because it sucks and I hate this keyboard. I would like to meet a freemason and ask him what really goes on in those secret meeting and ask him about the degrees(purple degree)I would like to meet me as a young boy and pull me aside and say Hey Keith just want to let you know she has GHONERRIa but you didnt hear that from me. I would also like to meet myself in the future and say hey keith you use to be so cool now your a puny little ol man with some droopy balls and say no just kidding ol timer. I would like to meet my subconscious and ask him what about all those crazy dreams I have about drilling holes in peach pits mean ? Theres so many people. Abraham lincoln and ask him what the hell he was thinking about going to a movie when he could of got net flix. I would like to meet my ass so i can talk all the shit i want .........
Music:
hip hop big daddy kane run dmc sugar hill gang big daddy kane method man wu tang ol dirty ohhhhh forget about it too long rock and roll 50 60 70 80 90s everything and anything oldies ahahhaha tooo much
Movies:
Movies are great. they are the best thing ever woow neat-o super cool yeahhh man. I love movies especially the ones where u dress up in a pair of pink hot pants and throw pigs blood all over your body and chant superficial santanic verse from the book of jaud and feed popcorn through a cylindrical orifice that was just freshly produced through the side of your head by a dull ice pick... yeah those kinds of movies are the best. Ohhh Wait I know pick me OHHH OHHHH OHHH please pick me i know i know pick me.. I know the answer. Yeah your sisters ass you know jack shit. I like the movies where there is a guy and a agirl and they struggle with obstacles that are thrown in their direction. And through the power invested with in me they overcome their hurdles in life with just a little effort and yeahhhhhhhhhhhhh right shut the fuck up LOSERRRRR. I like the movie where you star in it and the camera zooms in on you tied and gagged to a chair that has been freshly doused with gasoline. Where you are beaten for hours and hours and poked with sharp pointy things and you are pissed on and fecal matter is smeared on your face like an Atlanta braves fan and you are periodically electrocuted because of your religious beliefs and your fingernails are dug out and toothpicks are inserted in your fingertips. I think those are the best movies. I liked spiderman my left foot, ten commandments ,ghost busters, a fish called wanda, The documentary "What colin powells favorite food is " . I like the movie where you think your actually being filmed but your pictures are being sent to arabic slave traders that are trying to sell you on the black market either for sexual slavery or for body parts picking.......
Television:
I once sent a grown man into the inside of a televison just because he stepped on my shoe. I kept him there for three weeks THREE GOD DAM WEEKS!!!! YOU hear that you rat fuck 3 fukin weeks. That was the last time anybody ever stepped on keith The don Mays shoes . YOu hear. What else about televisions. Ohh yeahh How many times you hear this one. Ohh YEAHHH Our next door neighbor tommy shit giggles had the first television in the neighbooorhood. All the kids would come over and watch reeuns of fucking howdy doody and then they would go upstairs and fuck tommy's mom!!!!! i like the television that comes to life and beats the fuckin balls off you because you cant talk to your wife properly. I lke the television that takes tremendous shits on your rug just because its ugly. i like televisions that come to life and touch you in innapropriate places and say thanks after you climaxed. I like tvs for the simple reasons that they are a form of mastermind control from top secret high powered goverment oliarchys that are trying to brain wash the human race into believing one thing when we dam well no whats really going on. Im gonna add some more thoughts about televisions. ...................... I like televisions that answer your phone for you when your not home and make beleieve they are you and order all these crazy videos to your house for the televisions entertainment value. i like tvs that electrocute you when you try to turn them off. i like the televisions that dont have a picture but instead they cook popcorn and re-order checks for you when youre low
Books:
I LIKE THE BOOKS THAT TELL YOU FALSE FACTS MAKE UP YOUR MIND AS YOU ARE READING AND DO NOT GIVE YOU A CHANCE TO FUCKING THINK FOR YOURSELF. I LIKE BOOKS THAT SPIT FIRE AT YOU AS YOU WALK BUY THEM I LIKE BOOKS THAT ARE WILLING TO LISTEN TO YOUR PROBLEMS AND DONT CONSTANTLY SAY I KNOW I KNOW I KNOW WHAT YOUR SAYING. I LIKE BOOKS THAT LIKE OTHER BOOKS. I LIKE GAY BOOKS I LIKE BOOKS THAT BLUSH WHEN YOU TELL THEM SOMETHING FLIRTATIOUS. I LIKE BOOKS THAT SPIT OUT ETHNIC SLURS fOR EXAMPLE I HAVE BOOK ON MY KITCHEN COUNTER THAT CALLS MY MOTHER A COCKSUCKING GINNY EVERY TIME SHE WALKS BY AND THE RENTER IN MY HOUSE A DIRTY ARABIC SAND----ER. I LIKE BOOKS THAT CAN COME TO LIFE AND BE YOUR RUNNING MATE IN A PRESEIDENTAL CAMPAIGN AND WILL WALK AROUND WITH YOU AND SHAKE A LOT OF HANDS. I LIKE BOOKS THAT DRINK AND DO DRUGS AND AVOID PAYING ALIMONY. i LIKE BOOKS THAT USE SLANG AND SAY HAHAH YEAH YEAH DOGGG WHAT UP MY SHIZZIE. i LIKE BOOKS THAT COME UP WITH A CONSPIRACY FOR EVERY EVENT IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD. i LIKE BOOKS THAT DESCRIBES THE JOURNEY OF AN EMRYONIC STEM CELL AS IT PASSES FROM A MICROSCOPE TO THE BOTTOM OF SOME GUYS SHOE.. i LIKE BOOKS THAT DESCRIBE WIDE KNOWN STEROID ABUSE SURROUNDING MAJOR LEAGUE BASEBALL. i LKIE BOOKS THAT TELL YOU HOW TO WIN OVER A TRANSVESTITE. I LIKE BOOKS THAT WILL WIPE YOUR MOUTH IF YOU HAVE TOMATO SAUCE ON IT.I LIKE BOOKS THAT WILL COOK YOU BREAKFAST AND GO FOR A MORNING JOG WITH YOU. I LIKE BOOKS THAT WILL LEND YOU MONEY AND FORGET ABOUT THE INTEREST. I LIKE BOOKS THAT SHOW 12 YEAR OLD KIDS IN OKLAHOMA HOW TO BUID A PROFESSIONAL METH LAB IN THEIR BASEMENT AND SHOW THEM WHAT OVER THE COUNTER DRUGS YOU CAN BUY FROM DUANE READE TO GET YOUR SHIT POTENT. I LIKE BOOKS THAT DEPICT ALL MUSLIMS AS TERRORIST EXCEPT THE GOOD ONES. I LIKE THE BOOK WHERE YOU TRY AND HAVE SEX WITH MY WIFE AND I FUCKING STAB YOU TO DEATH AND EAT YOUR HEART. I LIKE THE BOOKS THAT TAKE THE LAW INTO THEIR OWN HANDS AND HAND OUT LONG RIDICULOUS SENTENCES.. FOR THE CRIME OF CHEWING GUM TOO LOUD 68 YEARS IN A MAXIMUM SECURITY PRISON IN THE HOLE OF YOUR ASS.
Heroes:
MARION BARRY JERRY LEE LEWIS OJ SIMPSON N BARRY BONDS.IM SORRY DID U SAY HEROES OR FUCKIN COCKSUCKERS MY HEROES ARE ANGEL ,BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER ,THE CHARMED ONES, KC BARRETT,BUZZLIGHTYEAR ,THE NEW YORK YANKESS, SAM COOKE, BOBBY DARIN ,THE RATT PACK ,FRANKIE BLUE EYES, WILLIE NELSON. ANYONE THAT IS FIGHTING IN A FOREIGN NATION PUTTING THEIR ASS ON THE LINE . ANYONE WHO IS A COP FIREMAN AND WAKES UP AND PUTS THEM BEFORE THE DREDGES OF SOCIETY. ANYONE THAT LOST THEIR LIFE IN 9/11.ANYONE THAT SAYS FUCK THOSE COCKSUCKERS. TOMMY HANLON MY DEAR FRIEND RIP. ANYONE THAT STANDS UP AT WORK AND TELLS THE BOSS TO GO FUCK HIMSELF AND SAYS IM OUTTA HERE. ANYONE THAT JUST ACTS LIKE THEMSELVES. ANYONE THAT IS A SINGLE PARENT WHO RAISES A CHILD IN THIS FUCKED UP WORLD. ANYONE THAT CHOOSES NOT TO BE ON WELFARE AND CONTINUES TO LOOK FOR WORK. MY WIFE FOR PUTTING UP WITH A MENTALLY CHALLENGED HUSBAND MY DAUGHTER BECAUSE SHE WILL GROW UP IN A PSYCHOTIC HOUSEHOLD. MY MOM FOR BEING SO YOUNG WITH KIDS MY DAD FOR BEING THE TOUGHEST SCARIEST MOTHERFUCKER I HAVE EVER MET IN MY ENTIRE LFE(VIETNAM VET 2 TOURS) MY SISTER BECAUSE SHE WOULD TELL JESUS TO GO FUCK HIMSELF IF HE GOT A LITTLE OUT OF LINE. MY BROTHER FOR HAVING THE MOST AMOUNT OF JOBS IN SINGLE LIFETIME (88) RANGING FROM BARTENDER TO LANDSCPER TO ACTOR CAMERA MAN PROFESSIONAL KAROKKEE SINGER AN SUPER HERO ON THE WEEKENDS. MY GRAND PARENTS WHO WORKED 345 JOBS TO GIVE THEIR FAMILY SOMETHING THEY DIDNT HAVE. ANYONE THAT IS IRISH ITALIAN SCOTTISH FINNISH FRENCH AND STILL DOES NOT HAVE ANY NATIONAL PRIDE. ANYONE THAT WEARS THEIR PANTS BACKWARDS. ANYONE THAT DRINKS A FORTY OUNCE OF OLDE ENGLISH AT 9:00 AM FOR BREAKFAST. ANYONE THAT EVER PAID FOR SEX AND AND HAD AN ORGASM BEFORE THEY TOOK OFF THEIR PANTS AND ASKED FOR CHANGE BACK. ANYONE THAT HAS MY BACK WHEN THE ODDS ARE STACKED AGAINST ME AND IM UP SHITS CREEK. TOMMY HANLON TOMMY HANLON TOMMY HANLON BECAUSE HE WAS THE BRAVEST PERSON I HAVE EVER MET IN MY ENTIRE LIFE BECAUSE HE KNEW DEATH WAS RIGHT AROUND THE CORNER AND HE SAID"HEY CHAMP IT IS WHAT IT IS NOW GIVE ME A FUCKING DRINK PAL." TO EVERYONE THAT HAS CHECKED THE BOX ON THE BACK OF YOUR LICENSE FOR ORGAN DONOR, ANYONE THAT WOULD BE WILLING TO SAY WHATS ON THEIR MIND KNOWING THAT IT MAY NOT BE QUOTE N QUOTE THE WAY PEOPLE THINKAROUND HERE. ANYONE THAT TAKES THEIR HAT OFF WHEN THE NATIONAL ANTHEM IS BEING PLAYED, ANYONE THAT PRACTICES VIGILANTISM BECAUSE THE SYSTEM HAS FUCKED THEM SOMEWAY. ANYONE THAT BELIVES ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE. EVERYONE ELSE CAN GO FUCK THEM SELVES
