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I'm a natural born performer who loves to be in the limelight. Whether it be music, magic, acting, or whatever, put me on a stage and I feel right at home.
I'm all about having a good time. I'm usually one of the first people to throw all caution and temperance to the wind in the pursuit of fun, just because something sounded like a good idea at the time.
If I feel like you're worth keeping around, most likely I will piss you off at some point. I can carry on an intelligent conversation on a wide variety of topics, and I expect others to be able to do the same. I don't tolerate idiots or posers, so if you fall into either of those categories (and you know whether you do or not), please don't hesitate to fuck off.
DISCLAIMER: Must be 18 years or older to proceed. Some restrictions apply. Please read all instructions and warnings before use. If offended please proceed to the Disney site where non-offensive talking animals will entertain you. Please wait for the hostess to seat you. Void where prohibited by law. Some assembly required. Had this been an actual emergency, this would be followed by official information. Contents may settle during shipment. For indoor and outdoor use only. Wearing this garment does not allow you to fly. We make no other warranties, expressed or implied. This profile is not mothership compatible. Postal service will not deliver without postage. May be too intense for some viewers. This profile is meant for educational use only. Any similarity to any other profile, living or dead, is purely coincidental. Apply to affected areas, if condition persists contact physician. One winner per household. For external use only. No user serviceable parts inside. In the event of a sudden loss in cabin pressure an oxygen mask will pop out of the top of your monitor. The bag will not inflate but oxygen will be flowing. No trespassing, stopping, standing or loitering. Not responsible for items left, lost, or stolen. If you're still reading this, you have too much fucking free time. The white zone is for loading and unloading only, no parking in the red zone. Cooking times longer at higher elevations. Parental guidance is suggested. Breaking seal constitutes acceptance of agreement. Offer good while supplies last. No purchase necessary. Alcohol may intensify effect. Beware of dog. Dispose of properly. Contents may be hot. Please stay on the line and a representative will be with your shortly. Objects in mirror are closer than they appear. This side up. Not shown actual size. All rights are lefts. Blackout dates may apply. Replace with same type. No anchovies unless otherwise specified. Safety goggles required during use. Do not fold, spindle, or mutilate. No salt, MSG, or artificial coloring added. Do not attempt to stop moving parts with hands. Actual cash value is 1/1000 of a cent. Exchange value varies on a day to day basis. If you are offended, lighten up, get a life, and move on. Product will be hot after heating. Slippery when wet. Actual mileage may vary. Substantial penalty for early withdrawl. Contestants may have been briefed prior to reading this profile. Keep away from power lines. Signing here does not indicate guilt. Call now to insure prompt delivery. If you require specific legal advice please consult a lawyer. No animals were harmed in the creation of this profile, only humans. Details on reverse side. Manager does not have access to safe. We reserve the right to check coats, bags, and personal belongings when exiting this profile. Ribbed for her pleasure. Please do not wade in fountain (dive right in). Employees and family not eligible. This list was current at the time of this viewing. This supercedes all previous notices. Driver does not carry cash. No Canadian coins. The creator of this profile assumes no liability for any damages or inconviences that may result. Don't take candy from strangers, or strange people, or anyone for that matter. Eat your vegetables. Please be kind, rewind. Do not eat silica gel. Use only in well ventilated areas. Don't quote me on that, for that matter don't quote me on anything. Action figures sold separately. Keep away from fire and flames. This is not an attorney advertisement or a referal service. Watch for snow plows. Do not stop on railroad tracks. Right lane must turn right, left lane must turn left, middle lane must make up their goddamn mind. Opinions expressed may not represent the views of the management. Guaranteed fresh if eaten before date on carton. No part may be reproduced (we try to avoid that here), retransmitted, transcribed, translated into other languages, by any means including - but not limited to - electronic, optical, mechanical, telepathic or sexual without expressed written consent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law, so don't be an asshole. Do not place near a magnetic source. Offer valid only at participating locations. This profile contains small parts and is not intended for the use of individuals under 18 years of age. This profile originally recorded on analog. Call before digging. No pixels were harmed in the creation of this profile. Keep out of reach of OJ Simpson. This profile may contain explicit photos and text, but it also may not. No trees were destroyed in this profile, however, a significant number of electrons were severely inconvienced. And finally, this profile causes lung cancer, heart disease, emphysema, and may complicate pregnancy.