Jonathan - ProfilesArchive

About Me

Descended DIRECTLY from JOSEPH OF ARIMATHEA via King Coel Hen of BRITAIN, (and from King Rydderch Hael of the Gwyr y Gogledd and Gwendydd, Sister of MYRDDIN CALEDONIUS on the DISTAFF side), despite his tendency to make GRANDIOSE AND SPURIOUS claims, this DEGENERATE OFFSPRING of a ONCE CULTIVATED RACE has managed to amass many FULLY DOCUMENTED titles; just a few are:
* Holy Roman Emperor, King of Jerusalem and the Orkneys
* Duke of Hesperia, formerly known as Western Australia (enfeoffed from the Faerie Queen)
* Discordian Pope
* Grand Patriarch of the Weishauptoslavny Rite
* Grand Master of the Bavarian Illuminati
* Grand Master of the Order of the Sacred Peacock
* Teshegoun Lama
* Grand Vizier and Governer of Xternetsa
* BRITISH ISRAELITE of the HOLY BLOOD of KING DAVID
* RE-INCARNATED BLACK MOORISH TEMPLAR
* A Discredited Rosicrucian
* Keeper of NAZOREAN SCROLLS and Gandalf Costumes
How much of what is presented in the following pages will be adjudged as psuedo-science, misinterpretation of natural phenomenon, case studies of psychological abberation, or as frightening revelations of the most crucial information, will depend on the bias of the individual reader.
Also, while I appreciate all the compliments on my beauty and how much people want to make love to me, keep in mind that I AM NOT SHARON STONE.

My Interests

I am a carnival performer often billed as a wild man whose act usually includes biting the head off a live chicken or snake. I moonlight as a lust slave of the cobra goddess and my hobbies include refining the terrible oriental art of mink torture. I am also a pathological liar.

I'd like to meet:

I'd like to meet a cool, relaxed girl I'm comfortable with and who has a great sense of humour. It also doesn't harm if she's a dwarf norwegian prositute with webbed feet and possesses the ability to pronounce "Nyarlathotep". If you wish to chat further, please to be providing full medical, legal psychiatric records...

I also wish to meet the following:

Music:

jazz, blues, some funk, lounge, some 60's & 70's, barry white, hendrix, zeppelin, pink floyd

Movies:

quentin tarantino flicks, david lynch, stanley kubrick, really strange movies, martial arts movies, foreign and arthouse film, westerns, gangster movies, Lord of the Rings, Bond films (Sean Connery was best), also like a good comedy etc.

Television:

rots your brains.

Books:

History, Mythology, Comparitive mysticism, Nietzsche, Baudelaire, Sax Rohmer, Ian Fleming, H.P Lovecraft, William Burroughs, George MacDonald Fraser's "Flashman" series, Raymond Chandler, Sir Richard Francis Burton (Kama Sutra, Arabian Nights)

Heroes:

Anyone who ain't sheeple.