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I'm 24 years old, 5'11", 178 Lbs. Green eyes, brown hair, Just about average in every way, but ambitious and smart.
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1. Justin Roper's tears cure cancer, too bad he's never cried.
2. Justin Roper sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalelled martial arts expertise. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Justin round housed kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. Satan, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad for long and now they play poker the second wednesday of every month.
3. A handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Justin Roper and you will be handicapped if you park there.
4. Someone tried to tell Justin that round-house kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.
5. When the boogeyman goes to sleep at night, he checks the closet for Justin Roper.
6. Justin Roper once bet NASA that he could survive re-entry without a spacesuit.On July 19, 1999, A naked Irish guy re-entered the earth's atmosphere, streaking over 14 statesand reaching a temperature of over 3,000 degrees. An embarrassed Nasa publicly claimed it as a meteor, and still owes him a twelve pack.
7. Justin Roper doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
8. Justin roper is not hung like a horse, horses are hung like Justin Roper.
9. When Justin Roper was born, the nurse said, "Holy crap, Thats Justin Roper!" Then she had sex with him. At that point she was the third person he had slept with.
10.Justin Roper once walked down the with a massive erection. There were no survivors.
11.In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes thatall world records are held by Justin Roper, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone has ever come to maching him.
12.Justin Roper isn't lactose intolerant; He just refuses to put up with lactose's crap.
13.Justin Roper can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At Night.
14.Justin Roper is the reason waldo is hiding.
15.Justin Roper invented black. In fact he invented the entire visible spectrum. Except pink. Ryan Roper invented pink.
16.Justin roper hates playing rock paper scissors because he doesn't believe anything can beat a rock. He always chooses rock, and when someone throws paper, he says "I WIN." If someone is foolish enough to dispute this, he takes his clenched fist and punches them in the face, then says "I thought your paper would protect you."
17.When Justin Roper does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up; he's pushing the earth down.
18.Children are afraid of the dark. The dark is afraid of Justin Roper.
19.When Justin Roper folds his arms, The U.S. Terror Alert Level is raised to gold.
20.Justin Roper doesn't break wind. He destroys it.
21.Justin Roper opnce stared at a woman for three seconds. She instantly became pregnant.
22.Justin Roper is actually the undefeated champion of Iron Chef. His secret ingredient: LOVE
23.Justin Roper can travel through time by running 88 miles an hour.
24.Justin Roper single handedly built the pyramids. He isn't vain so he let the Egyptians take the credit.
25.Five out of Five doctors reccomend not pissing Justin Roper off.
26.The giant stone ball in Raiders of the Lost Arc is actually a casting of Justin's Left testicle.
27.Justin Roper Knows your credit card number. And the little three digit number on the back.
28.On a scale of 1-10, Justin Roper kicks ass. 29.The clock on Justin Roper's alarm clock sets itself for fear of retaliation.
30.If you disagree with Justin Roper, he will karate chop you into a bajillion pieces. He is aware that this is not a number,but if you call him on it, he'll roundhouse kick you into a quabillion.
31.Muhammed Ali used to say "I am the greatest," then he met Justin Roper.
32.Justin Roper's sperm are as big as eels.
33.When you open a can of whoop ass, Justin Roper jumps out.
34.Justin Roper cast Eve out of the garden of eden. He told that bitch not to touch his apples!..r> 35.Justin Roper once donated 10 liters of his own blood. After that he won the Tour de France on a pogo stick.
36.Justin Roper does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Justin Roper goes killing.
37.According to Einsteins theory of relativity, Justin Roper can actually roundhouse kick you yesterday.
38.When Justin Roper sends in his taxes, he merely includes blank forms with a picture of himself with his arms crossed. Justin has never had to pay taxes.
39.Justin Roper counted to infinity. Twice.
40.If Justin Roper is late, Time better slow the fuck down.
41.Justin Roper sleeps with a night light. Not because he is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of him.
42. The quickest way to a mans heart is Justin Roper's fist.
43. Justin Roper frequently donates blood to the red cross, just never his own.
44.Justin Roper does not tea-bag the ladies. He potato sacks them.
45.Justin Roper invented the Mormon religion so he could practice polygamy.His brides are sin, death, pain, and chaos. And yes He has an orgy with them every night.
46.Justin Roper has approximately 6,000,000,000 offspring, cause he is everyone's daddy.
47. Justin Roper has an IQ of 176. When asked how he maintains a "one-in-a-million" IQ, he replied that he uses the "alcohol" method. He states that the comsumption of alcohol kills the weak brain cells.
48. Geico saved 15% by switching to Justin Roper.
49. The symbol for Justin Roper in sign language is a middle finger on fire.
50. As a teen Justin Roper impregnated every nun in a convent tucked away in the hills of Tuscany. Nine months later the nuns gave birth to the 1972 Miami Dolphins, the only undefeated and untied team in professional football history.
51. Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Justin Roper instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.
52. To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Justin Roper smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes.
53. Justin Roper was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Justin omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.
54. When Justin Roper's wife burned the turkey one Thanksgiving, Justin said, "Don't worry about it honey," and went into his backyard. He came back five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse kick to the face and said, "Never question Justin Roper."
55. Justin Roper does not sleep. He waits.
56. Justin Roper once went to a frat party, and proceeded to roundhouse every popped collar in sight. He then drank three kegs and shit on their floor, just because he's Justin Roper.
57. The chief export of Justin Roper is pain.
58. Justin Roper doesn't have normal white blood cells like you and I. His have a small black ring around them. This signifies that they are black belts in every form of martial arts and they roundhouse kick the shit out of viruses. That's why Justin Roper never gets ill.
58. Justin Roper once tried to sue Burger King after they refused to put razor wire in his Whopper Jr., insisting that that actually is "his" way.
59. Justin Roper is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
60. After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Justin Roper. His reasoning? It was more "humane".
61. A blind man once stepped on Justin Roper's shoe. Ryan replied, "Do you know who I am? I am Justin Roper!" The mere mention of his name cured the man's blindness. Sadly the first, last and only thing the man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Justin Roper.
62. Justin Roper lives by only one rule: No fat Chicks. 63. Babies cry because they are born into Justin Ropers world.
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