I like pets....I walked into this pet store and they had a Parrot trained to just sit on a perch outside a cage...they wanted $6000 for this parrot...it could talk...so as I walked in I heard it say..."Psst, come here big boy!" I said I know this parrot aint talking to me...so I just walked by trying to pretend like I didnt hear him...he says "I know you heard me, big boy" But I just kept on walking...this white man and his wife walked in...the parrot said "hey dude, come here," the guy did, "your wife is ugly!" Well, you know white people...he went to the manager and told him what happened. The manager said, "he said that? I tired of this bird." So he took the parrot in the back and beat the crap outta this bird then he put the parrot back on the perch. This parrots wing was all cocked out to the side....feathers all messed up on his head...and he was kind of wobbly on the perch. 10-15 minutes later when the man and his wife are walking out and the Parrot looks at the man and says..."Aint nothing changed!"
I dont like cops...I have the utmost respect for them and their job...they just scare me when I'm driving. I know I ain't doing anything wrong but I still get all tensed up when they pull up behind me. They make you so nervous that you DO do something wrong. Beacuse cops will put a hurtin' on you. They really degrade ya...and white folks don't believe that. They be like "ah, come on those people were resisting arrest. I'm tired of this harrassment of police officers." That's because white folks know the police by their names. Brotha's don't know them like that. White folks get pulled over...and be like "ah, Officer Tidwell, yes, glad to be of help."
Brotha's gotta talk to the cops all loud and do a play-by-play and shit "I AM REACHING INTO MY POCKET FOR MY LICENSE! CAUSE I DON'T WANNA BE NO ACCIDENT!"
I hate having crappy credit. They wont give you credit because you got crappy credit....now how are you supposed to get credit? They dig on back in your past and find reasons NOT to give you a Visa card. I sent in my application and called them about it and they told me "yeah we got it, we ran into a little problem though. We just got off the phone with your Kindgarten teacher and she said that you used to eat your boogers and you crapped in your pants a couple of times and you owe on some back lunch money."
I hate going to the doctor.
Ya know who the biggest liars are? WOMEN ARE THE BIGGEST LIARS. The Visual Lies!!!
You got on heels...you ain't that tall!
You got on make-up...your face dont look like that!
You gotta weave...your hair ain't that long!
Everything about you is a lie...and you expect me to tell the truth...forget that!
But men do lie...we LIVE in lies!!! That's why we're so crazy...we catch ourselves living a lie. We create a whole world a lies around us.
I hate going to garage sales with my Nanny...she embarasses me. She wants to try stuff on. Jesus, Nanny its 50 cents put in the truck. Then she buys something and wants to take it back...they dont take it back it's junk....she acts like we're shopping at Dillards. She gets up Saturday morning bright and early..."Dammit get ready all the good stuff's gonna be gone, hurry up."
I am so scared of spiders & snakes. Don't ask me to kill a spider cause I will run.
And as for snakes...let me tell you this little story.
My friend and I were out Dove hunting and we hadn't seen anything ALL DAY...so he says to me, "let's go hunt snakes." I said, "hell no, I don't even like to see those things on accident." If you yell "Snake!" and I see it there will be 2 movements...A Bowel Movement and a Physical Movement! 'Cause I will crap & run...I ain't kiddin'. Snakes can move without legs.....that's the Devil....it's in the Bible.
Another thing that just churns my butter is when a guy hits a girl. Oh No, Buddy!!! If I see it happen I will beat the shit out of the guy...then beat him for shittin', you hearing me?
You ever wonder if you drink, drive home drunk, hit a tree, die drunk and go to heaven.....drunk? Spend eternity just drunk....that's assuming we all go to heaven. If you go to the other place you might wanna be a little tipsy. Just be down there...."damn it's hot in here, where's the air conditioner in this place. There's somebody on fire over there, whats that all about? Hey Big Guy I like them horns ya got there...that little poker, that is a nice outfit." You cant be drunk and knock on the gates of heaven....God asks ya "you been drinkin'?" "Uh, yeah, I had a couple...its a long trip up here." He says "well, I'm gonna have to give you a sobriety test...can you name all 12 deciples?" You're like "uhhh, Mathew, Peter........Greg, Marsha, Cindy, Jan and Bobby? Man, I know thats the Brady Bunch just let me in there." He wont let you in there....I don't know but I'm pretty sure he won't.
And also, I know I'm fat, I don't need to be told this. If you think by calling me a fat mutha f'er I'm gonna get mad, I won't. But tell me Bush's Chicken is going out of business and I will burn something down!
I'd like to meet:
Coach Corey --
[noun]:
A master of storytelling
'How will you be defined in the dictionary?' at QuizGalaxy.comI'm a sucker for cornrows and manicured toes, Fendi Capri pants and Parisucos...nah actually what I like in a girl is as follows. I want a girl who is smart, cause I am not. I'm serious...I'm so stupid in high school I took Spanish I for 4 years. I like someone funny with a good sense of humor, sweet, caring, fun and the most important to me....honest....I want her to be with me for me not what I can buy her or for other popularity reasons.
Looks arent all that important to me cause I am not attracted to just one certain type of girl....I am attracted to all kinds of girls.
Some girl was beating on my door the other day at 4 in the mornin'...I was like what in the world? So I got up and let her out.
Most familes are quiet when they eat. Not my family...it was fun when we ate...my Dad made it that way 'cause he always made noise and stuff. "Where the food? Come on Momma. Huh? Pass what...I ain't passin' nuthin'!"
And my Aunt Janice...Aunt Janice could suck a neck bone like a work of art. She'd be all in it and get that white shit out...then throw it to the dog. Dog look at it like "what am I supposed to do with that?"
We was poor when I was growing up.....we didnt know it though. Well, WE weren't poor...MY PARENTS were...they just drug us along with them. Growing up we always wanted one of those slip and slides....couldnt afford one of them so we used a Hefty trash bag it was pretty short though. You'd run, slide and run your face right into the ground there.....get up all woozy..."ok you're turn Bubba..." We also had Tough Skin jeans, mom bought them at Sears....you couldn't burn a hole in them things. You could drag a kid down a gravel road in Tough Skins there wouldn't be nuthing left of the kid but the jeans would look brand new. I think if President Kennedy was wearing a hat made of Tough Skins he might still be with us today.
I lost some money one time. My mother gave me $10 to pay the light bill...I was crying because I knew Mama was gonna whoop me but good. This guy came up to me and asked "what's wrong with you, boy?" I told him my story and he gave me $10. Man, I was out there everyday after that just crying my self a river.
Music:
All kinds EXCEPT the majority of the hard/heavy metal stuff. I'm a country boy at heart....but I am a HUGE Nelly fan. I love Nelly!!!Country wise I like Pat Green, Gary Allen, Charlie Robison, Kieth Urban, Rascal Flatts, Kenny Chesney, Roger Creager, Brad Paisley, Cory Morrow, Kevin Fowler, Joe Nichols, George Strait, Garth, Lonestar, JMM, Dan Seals, Charlie Pride ect...Rap & Hip-Hop wise I like...Nelly, Akon, Masta P, Young Gunners, Jay-Z, Mystikal, Li'l John & Eastside Boys, Chingy, Snoop Dogg, Big Pun, Ying Yang Twinz, Young Bloodz, Outkast, Joe, P. Diddy, J-Kwon, T.I., Cassidy, Kenye West, Twista, Li'l Flip...plus numerous othersRock wise I like....Maroon 5, Simple Plan, Hoobastank, Fountains Of Wayne, Bowling For Soup, Good Charlotte, Ataris, Greatness In Tragedy...and the likes of them.Pat Green puts on a hell of a show. But I suppose I should say that since he always gets me free tickets when he plays somewhere close to me.
Tracy Lawrence does a good show.
Ying Yang Twinz go off in concert.
So does Petey Pablo.
Bruce Bruce is a funny motha f*cker in concert.
R. Kelly does good concerts, too. You just gotta keep the 13-17 year olds away from the stage...HA HA HA...LOL. That's wrong...Lord, I apologize for saying that about R. Kelly & be with the starving pigmies down there in New Guniea, Amen.
Movies:
I like all kinds of movies....mostly Comedies, Mafia & Adventure movies....some of my absolute faves are...Van Wilder, Lord Of The Rings Trilogy, Texas Chainsaw Massacre, A Bronx Tale, Godfather Trilogy, Gotti, Goodfellas, Lake Placid, Old School, Barber Shop I & II, Friday Trilogy, Seasbiscuit, Big Fish, Trial & Error, Peter Pan (2003 version), Lion King 1 1/2....the list goes on & on.
Television:
Anything on the History Channel or Food Network. You'll find me watching something on one of those networks at most times. ESPN is a favorite hot spot of mine too.
Thanks God for A&E showing The Sopranos from season one on Wednesday nights. And if I miss it I can watch it at work on Sundays overnight!!! A&E also has Dog, the Bounty Hunter....love that show too.
Books:
I'm re-reading "The Carolina Way" by Dean Smith right now. I haven't learned so much about basketball, team work, togetherness and building a championship program from any other publication in my life. A great read for any kind of leader or boss.
Heroes:
God and Jesus are neck-and-neck for 1st place...LOL. My Dad...No one other than God Jesus above him. My Nanny (dad's mom), having been through all she's endured and persevering makes her a very special lady to me. All 6 of my Uncles (2 on my mom's side and 4 on my dad's).
