Keefer - ProfilesArchive

About Me

In the later half of the sixteenth century the illuminati perfected a means of transporting reasonably sized ojects via a positively charged electron manipulation device. It was used only once in the transportation of a cow to Le'Cuer, France, a blighted farm community that was working its way through a seven month famine. Once power was applied to the device using primitive turbines, which were nothing more than hand propelled merry-go-rounds, the cow vanished into thin air. Only the cows head survived the journey, its body flung into the ether of deep space. The stunned villagers observed the head blinking and moving its jaw in what some would swear was an attempt to speak. Since the cow had no lungs a bellows was attached to its neck and when the town blacksmith applied pressure all were shocked, some to death, at the single words the cow spoke: "All...Is". To this day, none can say what intentions the head had in its one and only correspondence to the villagers of Le'Cuer. A small group in the village worked day and night on the puzzle of what a cow's head would mean by speaking the phrase 'All Is' after completing the world's only positively charged electron teleportation. The answer was reached at the turn of the previous century. I edited my profile with Thomas' Myspace Editor V4.4

My Interests

Everything and everyone for as the cow says: All Is

I'd like to meet:

The man who invented silly putty.

Music:

In the order I can recall: The Police, Mr. Johnny Cash, The Pixies, Stone Roses, The Clash, Beck, The Arcade Fire, The Danger O's, Clap Your Hands Say Yeah, The Yeah Yeah Yeah's, Sonic Youth, The Jesus and Mary Chain, The Raveonettes, The Velvet Underground, Dire Straights, Bruce Springsteen, Bright Eyes, Ryan Adams, Elvis Costello, The Smiths, The White Stripes, The Kings of Leon, My Morning Jacket, Wilco, Elliot Smith, and that's all I can think of right now. Apply the Bible Code to see what YOUR future holds.

Movies:

I recently signed up for NetFlix and there are currently four hundred and fifty seven movies in my Queue. So I'd like to see those as soon as possible.

Television:

I like Entourage and Deadwood and The Venture Brothers and Justice League.

Books:

Michael Richards is a fucking racist!

Heroes:

Our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Our Lord and Savior Siddhartha Gautama. Our Lord and Savior Krishna. Our Lord and Savior Phil Spector. Our Lord and....Phil Spector? Didn't he kill somebody? Or something? Well...the wall of sound was a good idea.

My Blog

The Damn Luminaries

Young couples have crazy sex. They have upside down and backwards sex. They have the kind of sex that you think about having when you masturbate. It's beauti...
Posted by Keefer on Wed, 04 Apr 2007 10:33:00 PST

Getting into Character on the Set of Zombie Frat

"Do Hi-Definition televisions hypnotize their viewers? Our next guest says yes. Dr. Clayton Simmons has been a guest lecturer at Yale, Harvard and Penn State Unive...
Posted by Keefer on Thu, 08 Mar 2007 11:00:00 PST

I is no longer for Internationale

..> I is no longer for Internationale Dear Readers, I just did not like this story. I never rewrite any of the stories I post here. I just write them down as an exercise in style or I ...
Posted by Keefer on Wed, 21 Feb 2007 08:22:00 PST

Smashed Mailboxes

"You won't be able to explain it to me." The mayor adjusted his seat. The young man with the brief case stood up again. He pointed to the map of the Southeast, where Lombard became R...
Posted by Keefer on Tue, 16 Jan 2007 11:39:00 PST

Load Bearing Wall

A history of the climbing wall. A definition:A climbing wall is an artificially constructed wall with grips for hands and feet, used for climbing. Some are brick or wooden constructions, but on most ...
Posted by Keefer on Sat, 23 Dec 2006 01:34:00 PST

Never Have I Ever

Billy Batson was confused. He stood on Lake Shore Drive staring up at a marquee that said "Casablanca" would be playing at the Monmont Theatre. His tongue rolled around the word 'monmont' ...
Posted by Keefer on Wed, 27 Sep 2006 02:32:00 PST

The Mystery of "My Mom Told Me To Weed The Garden"

The following story was first published in the Sunday edition of the Philadelphia Sentinel, June 25th 1957. It is the last story ever written by Billy Batson, a celebrated writer of children's f...
Posted by Keefer on Thu, 22 Jun 2006 11:38:00 PST

The Keaton

I had a very strange dream last night. I know that sentence has started many a boring conversation about people and their issues with their mother's or secretly being gay but I swear to you that...
Posted by Keefer on Thu, 23 Mar 2006 08:54:00 PST

MK Ultra

The sixties were a time of music, free love, and wanton drug abuse. But could that last part have been part of a plan to dispatch radicals, civil rights activists and whoever else the goverment ...
Posted by Keefer on Wed, 22 Feb 2006 01:58:00 PST

'The Host' pt 2

Billy Batson was capable of quick thinking. Taking in his pious surroundings he was reminded that any show of piety could never be questioned much less punished. Before Father Burns could ...
Posted by Keefer on Tue, 14 Feb 2006 12:05:00 PST