KEN-u-DIG-it

All quotes below are from: *****So, this is my life. And I want you to know that I am both happy and sad and I'm still trying to figure out how that could be.*****It's strange because sometimes, I read a book, and I think I am the people in the book.*****I am very interested and fascinated by how everyone loves each other, but no one really likes each other.*****Sam and Patrick looked at me. And I looked at them. And I think they knew. Not anything specific really. They just knew. And I think that's all you can ever ask from a friend.*****I walked over to the hill where we used to go and sled. There were a lot of little kids there. I watched them flying. Doing jumps and having races. And I thought that all those little kids are going to grow up someday. And all of those little kids are going to do the things that we do. And they will all kiss someone someday. But for now, sledding is enough. I think it would be great if sledding were always enough, but it isn't.*****It's kind of like when you look at yourself in the mirror and you say your name. And it gets to a point where none of it seems real. Well, sometimes, I can do that, but I don't need an hour in front of a mirror. It just happens very fast, and things start to slip away. And I just open my eyes, and I see nothing. And then I start to breathe really hard trying to see something, but I can't. It doesn't happen all the time, but when it does, it scares me.*****I even made her a mix tape and left it at the grave. I hope you do not think that makes me weird.*****I don't want to start thinking again. Not like I have this last week. I can't think again. Not ever again.*****I don't know if you've ever felt like that. That you wanted to sleep for a thousand years. Or just not exist. Or just not be aware that you do exist. Or something like that. I think wanting that is very morbid, but I want it when I get like this. That's why I'm trying not to think. I just want it all to stop spinning.*****Girls are weird, and I don't mean that offensively. I just can't put it any other way.*****I always thought it would be fun to have 'glory days.'*****If somebody likes me, I want them to like the real me, not what they think I am. And I don't want them to carry it around inside. I want them to show me, so I can feel it too. I want them to be able to do whatever they want around me*****I just need to know that someone out there listens and understands and doesn't try to sleep with people even if they could have. I need to know that these people exist.*****Maybe these are my glory days, and I'm not even realizing it because they don't involve a ball.*****After that, I couldn't believe that Sam actually got me a present because I honestly thought that the "I love you" was it.*****Charlie, we accept the love we think we deserve.*****Incidentally, I have one cavity, and as much as my dentist asks me to, I just can't bring myself to floss.*****I know things get worse before they get better, but this is a worse that feels too big.*****And in that moment, I swear we were infinite.*****